sarapr

The most enjoyable journey of my life

132 posts in this topic

 

The world cup this time has become so unpredictable, Argentina got removed!!!! Who would've beilevd that!?

You could see the anger in messi's eyes and messi is the only football player I ever loved but I was also happy to see a weaker team make a difference this time.

The world cup result makes me feel more hopeful about my own future, that sometimes unexpected things can happen.

So excited right now :)  

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By the end of this week, I will have taken my exam and exactly another 6 days, the initial intent of writing here for 132 days will be met.

Can you believe how fast 132 days can come to an end.

Well I feel I'm ready and prepared enough for the exam but the possibility of me not getting the result I expect is definitely there so don't rub it in my face if I come here next time saying I didn't make it, Okay??

Anyway wish me luck

I will post my results here so this journal would be a complete record of the journey I took and the results of those thoughts and mindsets and efforts which were written here would be visible. And if I do fail, I can learn a lesson from my mistakes.

This is goodbye for now. You do wish me luck okay? Don't forget :D 

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3 hours ago, egoeimai said:

Good Luck ??

Love you

Thanks :)

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Im fucking stressed out right now

I dont know what to think about 

To thinks it's  gonna go great but then if it doesn't i would feel more stressed out while taking the exam and seeing that it's  not going as i hoped or the reverse 

Ahh I've been having this tingling sensation in my stomach all day long it just doesn't  go away whatever i do 

 

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Hey

I took the exam it wasn't bad. It was good. Fairly fine. I am satisfied.

The final result hasn't come yet and it won't come until next month or so.

Overall it was fine.:) 

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@sarapr You are an infinite being of light. Whatever the outcome, it can't define just how magnificent you are, or how bright you shine.

Edited by Solace

Feel your hearts embrace of this moment of existence, and your love will awaken in everything you perceive ❤️ 

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4 hours ago, Solace said:

@sarapr You are an infinite being of light. Whatever the outcome, it can't define just how magnificent you are, or how bright you shine.

You're amazing

You keep making me feel love overload :x 

 

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im learning driving now ;)

my dad was so excited that my exam was finished so he could teach me how to drive :D

it was pretty cool today although it wasnt my first time driving.

the last time i was behind the wheel i was about 9 or sth. now it was nice to see im all grown up since the last time cause i could actually see out the window without having to put sth on the seat to give me a lift up :D

i will be starting my official driving classes in one day i think. even though i will be taking classes, my dad still wants to teach me himself.

i will be starting my guitar classes as well. i know it is late to start learning music now but what can i do? i still want to learn.  

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8 hours ago, Good-boy said:

@sarapr good girl. learn to do some 360 pins too yo ?

sure ;)

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I don't know if I should start a new journal or just continue here.

I'll keep on writing here who cares

Yesterday I went to the amusement park and tried some of the crazy stuff there in the hope of getting triggered like before but guess what? Only for one second I felt I was getting excited after one second everything seemed normal, like nothing was happening. My excitement tolerance level has gone up. How the fuck do I find sth to excite me from now on o.O

I didn't believe myself being so relaxed while everyone was screaming and I was mostly trying to at least enjoy the view. Fucking absurd. That's not how I would've felt in the past.

Then after that I bought a chick and I was adorning it every step of the way then as soon as I got home, I regreted that. I wanted to just sleep but it was screaming at the top of its lungs just because it couldn't find me but when it could see me it would stop screaming but obviously I couldn't stay with it all night and I thought it would eventually tire itself out but that didn't happen. It was screaming all night long. :|

Either way, couple of years ago my friend and I both bought 4 chicks at the same time. Mine died one after the other in a week span and I was literally gertting depressed seeing each of them dying in different ways and oh my god they died horribly only because of my ignorance and I felt so bad and promised myself to never buy one again but I did and regretted that again. My friend's chicks though, grew up and were hens O.o  then she passed them out to someone else, I guess to get married and have chicks of their own :D  

Her house is a jungle full of different kinds of animals but she knows how to keep them. I would get bored of them the first day. Actually that's how I feel about having kids as well. You have to do the same thing for at least two years and after two it would still have its own kind of troubles and basically you have to worry about him or her until the end of your life cause moms and dads can never rest in piece always worrying about the child even if s/he is all grown up or at least that's what I've heard and in my mind that sounds like a hell of an unnecessary commitment which I would never in my right mind choose to commit to. But I'm sure just like the promise about not buying a chick I would have children and regret that one too for the rest of my life -_-

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Okay so it's been one week now of me doing nothing and just wandering around. I feel board enough to get back to some more goal oriented tasks.

My chick died today :(

I was listening to one of Leo's old videos about passion and I guess I am that lucky person who happened to find her passion as the first thing to come in contact with. However, I do believe that what I think I'm passionate about needs refining and revisiting but overall the main core has never changed not even once, for me it can't be anything else.

So the reason I wanted to watch that passion video was because of this. I was thinking about how my life would unfold and everything and the thing about it was what I want is sth that is not offered in a direct way and if I'm not vigilante enough as I get older I could easily go in all the wrong ways so even in my mind when following up on the normal routine path I could go in, what I was left with in the end was a dead end with nothing satisfying or meaningful in any way I would like so that made me quite depressed until I realized the reason for that sadness was that I had lost my vision even in my mind and realized that, that path was never supposed to be the path I go in so for that reason suddenly everything seemed so bleak and hopeless cause it was totally out of alignment with the original vision of mine. 

So tomorrow I'm gonna do some real deep visualization plus some long meditation cause I haven't been meditating for a while now and really miss that bliss of being in the moment with no thoughts and also try setting some helpful goals for the moment and keep productive cause I can't stomach this anymore, not that I can't but I'm more worried it would go down a negative spiral after a certain amount of time of wandering around.

One more thing is me not being able to gather information on some pivotal subjects almost no where and I just don't have access to the right information in order to identify my limiting beliefs about how some things work cause I actually don't know and the thing is I've realized what tends to be sth everyone talks about is almost always wrong but I wouldn't know that unless I have a very legit source to prove me wrong and in some cases, I've seen how prevalent some misinformation can be among people but other cases that I need some accurate information in, I can't know for sure and there's literally no way I can think of to get the right access and that's a pain in the ass. Besides all that, as if that weren't bad enough, everything around here is so unstable that would kill any attempt for planing for your future and that's sth every young adult has to deal with and that's what's making everyone so pissed off. I mean everything's hard right now like super hard and the trouble comes when you know that it's that hard only for you and other people in other countries don't actually have to deal with the things I have to deal with and that pisses anyone off even more than they already are and that's just becoming intolerable now. That means I don't know anything anymore, I just don't and no one does either and all I can do is to just wait for the next best thing I can do and that's as far as I can go, only one other move ahead and that's it and I know uncertainty doesn't always have to be a problem and successful people have a high tolerance for uncertainty but this is actually different and I'm not that crazy about it but still certain things are so stable in some countries that the way those successful people deal with uncertainty is by relying on some of the basics which they know won't change and to me at this point those basic stuff are just a luxery I can't afford.

I don't mean to be so naggy about all that but those are just the brutal realities of my life which makes me bleak and hopeless and it can really rub me off of my energy which I could otherwise invest in some more profitable areas so yes it's gonna hurt me and not just me you know

Whatever, I'm at least optimistic even in a situation like this where no hope can survive, it really can't and you know in the past I would think that there has to be a way, there's always a way but now I realize if others don't want that they can actually control you way easier than you'd ever think possible. It's actually much easier than you think to corner someone so bad that all they can do is to accept, just accept the situation and say what come may, that could literally be all you could do about it. And I'm not talking about victim mentality here, it can literally be the case just take Saudi Arabia for example, they don't allow women to have separate bank accounts or to drive a car( at least couple years ago that was the case) or to rent houses if they're not married so what other options do you think a person like that can have to break free, nothing specially if it were also the case that they couldn't leave the country easily so then it would be a very miserable life to live with no actual options of being untraditional, you see?

Now that is not my situation but sth quite similar so you know, basically I can do nothing but to shut up and accept the situation, that's it, only with the hope of a better tomorrow.

:|

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I checked my schedule and I realized I have one month to be doing absolutely nothing with no worries to be had and since eventually my purpose would be to be enlightened and everything as a human being then there would be nothing better I could do with this time right now and if I actually miss this opportunity it won't come around any time soon so I've decided to do like 4 hours of enlightenment based stuff everyday for this month and that would be great but sth I've also realized is as I want to do this sort of stuff I need to correct my energy levels and take real good care of my nutrition as well if I'm hoping to get anywhere with this so from now on I will be posting very organized posts about my practices and what I've learned or the things to integrate that I need to journal about or whatever so that's gonna be what I'm doing for the next month and this journal would also be a way for me to not fall off from those.

So I'm excited to get started on that one starting with holographic breathing tonight.

:) 

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I finished my shamanic breathing now and I guess I should do 90 mins next time cause with 30 I didn't experience anything crazy as Leo said maybe I'm not doing sth right but after it was over aside from tingling sensations, I sat down on the floor with my eyes closed and I went in a very blank state like totally blank feeling very light headed and I couldn't feel my body at all and I felt I was floating in a marshmallow balloon sort of thing in a very calm and happy peaceful state and I felt my body as wave, it was totally awesome to feel that blank for one moment and cause I couldn't feel my body it was as though my skin was dissolving

I had a headache when I started that but my headache was totally gone afterwards

 

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Hey

I wanted to get some books on enlightenment and I ended up getting 44 books on business with only one book on spiritually !!! and also a couple of books on art and sciences :D

I took my first few guitar lessons, it was great I also downloaded a guitar app which is very fun ;)

I planned to do like 4 hours of meditation, self inquiry and shamanic breathing and reading enlightenment books but I can't sti still for even 20 mins and lately I can't even sit through an entire movie I just wanna jump up and get some shit done.

I'm hit with quite a few app ideas and trying to implent some of the easier ones first just to see how things go. I hope I do actually get sth done and do sit through the entire process.

The other night wanned to go for 90 mins of shamanic breathing but I only did 30 min and fell asleep right afterwards, guess it's too soon for now.

:) 

Edited by sarapr

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I'm reading this novel

It's so amazing and relatable. It's 3 a.m. now but I can't stop reading it. I started the book this morning with a cup of coffe glasse or whatever it's called in English in a very romantic sort of way but in between I did go driving and shopping and this driving puts me in such a flow state, time passes so fast when I'm driving. Then got back home to the rest of the story and I'm ten pages away from the end of the story but I kinda wanted to savior this last part so I thought I write sth here then get back. I'm dead tired now as well and still haven't brushed my teeth. I'll do that now. Oh I wanted to workout today but I didn't and now I feel all my muscles are deteriorating. I also hear a rooster. I never got to know where that rooster sound comes from. This neighborhood is not a place for roosters but every morning exactly at this hour it starts singing and now you might ask how on earth do You know the timing!? Well cause I'm awake at this time and always have been for most of my life with the exception of the past year because of studying and all even then I struggled a lot keep it steady so you could say I'm a night owl even when I was very little I didn't like to sleep at night but since I didn't have as much freedom in my sleep schedule and slept with my parents, to not sleep when they did I would always say oh I haven't eaten anything I'm still hungry so my dad would have to get up and make a sandwich and that would buy me some time and it was so enjoyable doing that :D my mom though always knew it was my show to do that each night and would always get upset even to this day she still complains about those times but my dad has always been so much kinder to ever let me down although he too knew it was a way for me not to sleep. Kinda stupid hah!?

What am I even saying! I suddenly remember such irrelevant memories. Stupid. 

Edited by sarapr

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I feel down

Kinda because of my parents

I still fucking hate to live with them

Well right now I hate everything

Well I like to feel that way right now, it's just sometimes nice to feel sad. You know what I'm saying. Feels good to be sad sometimes, you can't always be happy 

I didn't want to write anything here and maybe I won't submit but you know 

Well my guitar teacher acted very wierd the first time we met. It was very funny , I gave him a chocolate I had in my pocket to make him feel better. Was totally funny, he kept forgetting what he was saying.

Well i realized how hard it would be to master the guitar after seeing how well he plays the guitar himself. Besides guitar I also love piano but thought it would be too hard to learn specially at this age, it would just take a long time before I could actually enjoy myself so I went with my second choice.

I feel happier now. :) 

Now I like to keep going and keep writing shit 

Well let's see, anything else to write about, yeah we are going to take a trip but I hate going on trips with my parents, I just hate it. But what can I do I'm their slave now. My brother won't be coming which would make the trip even more intolerable and you know it's so cool my brother gets to have a choice in the matter while I don't. And I say cool cause it means I would be like him too after I grow a bit older and go to university which would be couple months from now

Oh I just remembered that I'd be having a surgery in two months and I'm a bit scared , it's not my first time but this one is going to be a more serious surgery and I hope everything goes well. My previous surgery was when I was thirteen and I was so happy I'd get to skip school for at least one week but guess what happened, after one day I was feeling so bored that I went to school the next day and crushed all my plans for not going for a whole week but I did get a worm welcome which was nice.

Well I guess that's it for now. 

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I'm on the trip now

And I'm actually having a lot of fun.

I always tend to make such incorrect prediction about how I would feel in a specific situation.

:)

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Have you played Rocksmith?  It's the most fun way to learn songs on the guitar.

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