Saying no.

[spicy_pickles]

I’ll admit I’ve always had trouble with these two letters. 

Im sure it stems from my people pleasing programming (which I am working very hard on releasing). 

I’m getting better at standing my ground, being firm, and not worrying about coming across as a bitch. 

This also means I’m putting my needs first. 

I have come to another realization that I’ve allowed certain people to walk all over me for fear of being a not-so-nice person. Do something you don’t really want to do because basically life is about sucking it up, doing the things you don’t want, and moving on. Granted there are some things in life we have to do even though we don’t particularly want to, but I’m talking about those things where we have a choice. 

I’ve always chosen to do what I think others want me to do. Did I want to go to that party in college?  No, not really, but I was afraid that I wouldn’t be liked if I said no. Did I want to do things for my partner that involved his ex wife?  No, not really, but I thought I was being supportive and wanted to show the ex wife I was cool. 

Lets just sum all this up by saying being that way got me nowhere in life. Feeling that I had to take every offer to do something got me nothing. 

Now, I say no. It is the most glorious, weightless feeling when saying those words. Giving my opinion. Letting my voice be heard. NO. I am doing what I want, not pleasing you anymore. 

[spicy_pickles]

It’s funny, I just watched Leo’s video on how to stop being a people pleaser. 

Something that really hit home was the feeling I get when I express my authentic self. When I speak up. When I choose to do something for me as opposed to do something for someone else. It does NOT bring me greater peace or happiness to agree to do something someone else wants me to do. In fact, it makes me resentful and angry. However, choosing to do what I feel like doing makes me feel calm. It makes me feel relaxed and whole. It makes me feel like I’m being me. 

[Shin]

[Soulbass]

Jordan B. Peterson -> "agreeable people"

[Nahm]

@spicy_pickles Loved reading your revelation!   I was like that also, a people pleaser. For me, it was well intended parents, using the wrong wording...like be “nice”, be “good”. I grew up being nice and good. Then what you’re saying hit me one day, and I was free. Then, as these things have a way of going, agreeability came back around in an authentic manor, because it seems, the universe agrees, and I agree with the universe. Now, X number of days to go in life enjoying this sweet subtle synchronicity. Paradigms man, can’t live with em, can’t live without em. Lol. 

[Shin]

16 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@spicy_pickles Loved reading your revelation!   I was like that also, a people pleaser. For me, it was well intended parents, using the wrong wording...like be “nice”, be “good”. I grew up being nice and good. Then what you’re saying hit me one day, and I was free. Then, as these things have a way of going, agreeability came back around in an authentic manor, because it seems, the universe agrees, and I agree with the universe. Now, X number of days to go in life enjoying this sweet subtle synchronicity. Paradigms man, can’t live with em, can’t live without em. Lol. 

Yeah but is there an end to it ?

Sometimes I'm seeing myself acting like a total dick, and becoming one isn't better than being a carpet.

[Charlotte]

Literally practice saying/writing no, it hasn't been part of your vocabulary so it will be tough for you to even hear it. Start by writing it down and then go to just practice saying it out loud @spicy_pickles