Following the path of fear

[Recursoinominado]

I read somewhere this concept about our relationship with fear and how we should follow it (with common sense, not like jumping from the third floor or something). Often those moments make us grow a lot and isn't uncommon that our passions are born from those things that scared us more and we did it anyway. I am having some kind of intuition about taking acting classes and it scares me a lot. For sometime, I started to appreciate the beauty of work that actors do, I mean, think about it, they have to completely say "fuck my ego/self image" and cry on command or scream or something that would be almost unthinkable for most people and do it in front of an audience(sometimes,  millions of people). So, for sometimes, I caught myself thinking about, things just presented to me. I was a extroverted kid but with life, a lot of traumas came also and slowly I became really shy and introvert,i made a huge effort to beat this and I am proud to say that i evolved a lot, I even learned game ( doing cold approach, talking with a lot of people and flirting with lots of beautiful  women completely sober) and its a passion for me, the feeling of social freedom I gain from this is simply pure bliss, especially coming from I guy with a history of social isolation and bad references with girls. 

I did a mushroom trip about 10 days ago and during this trip I also had the feeling, intuition (not something I feel or follow frequently) that acting classes could be my next path. The thing is: I am horrified just to THINK about the possibility of acting, I can't even imagine how I would do anything that an actor does (and I admire them a LOT for doing it). 

 

So, my question is, there is some wisdom in following the fear and intuition? I would love some personal examples. 

[Pallero]

If you start acting as a beginner, you can be a beginner. You're allowed to be scared. You'll get better. So you don't have to be doing any awfully difficult stuff yet anyway.

I believe that we should definitely do things that we want to do but are scared to do. Those are the things that really grow us.

I had this experience with ballet. I had been wanting to try ballet dancing ever since I was three. But my parents told me that I was too big (boned). That they only let small girls dance ballet. It was true in Russia where my parents are from. But then we moved to another country, and there anyone could basically start almost any hobby at all. Any kind of men and women could certainly try ballet.

But that didn't reassure me, because I had a limiting belief. I can't because I'm not small enough. The class will be filled with small girls. Everybody will stare at me and talk behind my back. I'll embarrass myself. I also had another limiting belief. Ballet is really tough and you have to be really strong and in great shape to dance it, and I'm not.

I didn't even let myself think about really enrolling a dance class, until I took up personal development and realized that I wanted to challenge myself (big time!) and do something that scared me a lot.

I signed up to a ballet class one night in a rare episode of almost psychotic "fuck it" courage. I was 26 years old, after 23 years of wanting and not letting myself. After signing up, for two weeks before it started, I wanted to cancel. I felt physically sick. I was so frightened. But I told myself that I had already signed up. All I have to do it show up. "It's not a big deal, it'll be fine..." Et cetera.

I had some ballet stuff to buy, like shoes and a leotard, and I tell you, it was so difficult that I can't even describe it with words. Walking into a dance clothes shop - huge challenge. And when I saw myself in that leotard, I cried the tears of shame. I looked horrible and my stomach wanted to climb out and run away at the thought of other people seeing me like that.

Long story short, I made myself go and ended up dancing ballet for a year, before I quit. There were others like me in that class. No one knew how to do anything. I was actually better than some. And I started to progress very quickly. Maybe I threw myself into the practice a bit too much. I practiced in my free time to make sure that I would know all the moves and positions very well. I really didn't want to fail.

Inevitably, failure did come my way. After several months of practice, we were ready to dance some choreography, and I was shit!!! I couldn't do it at all. Everybody could keep up but me. And it wasn't the kind of place where I could ask the teacher to show me the dance after class. I didn't dare ask anyone else either. I was good at individual moves but bad at linking them together. It was humiliating also, because I had danced other dances before and never had much trouble with choreography until then. I guess it was my really poor balance that made it so difficult for me. My whole focus went to trying not to fall over when standing on my tip toes. I could not make myself remember what move would come next.

Anyway, by that time I had overcome most of my fear and had I really wanted to I could have worked on myself and continued with the ballet. But I ended up quitting, because having danced once a week for a year, the teachers were saying that we needed to up our dance lessons to three per week if we wanted to keep up, and I wasn't motivated enough. Ballet was never about the actual dance for me. It was more like an obsession with something that someone told me that I couldn't do, and proving them wrong. So I was negatively motivated there. Of course it didn't last.

That's my personal story. If acting it what you want, I strongly recommend going for it no matter how scary it feels. At age 75, Henry Fonda still used to throw up each night before a stage performance! You probably won't, haha. And even if you do, you really can get used to throwing up. I was on these meds once, that were supposed to make me quit smoking, and I threw up every morning. For the first week, it was disgusting, but then it was just a part of my life.

Edited February 16, 2018 by Pallero
typo

[Recursoinominado]

@Pallero Thanks for your input, really appreciated the time you took to share your story and it certainly will be remembered.

[h inandout]

@Pallero aw thanks for that story!

 

@Recursoinominado I've taught a few nutrition/ayurveda classes in the past, and I want to expand to teaching meditation too.  My fear is that I don't have a really good trusting relationship with a mentor.  I've just read a lot I suppose, and I feel like I just wanna get the information out there!  And not worry so much about getting some mentor's approval.  It makes me insanely nervous, but somehow, each time I improve my ability to stand solidly in front of whoever has come to the class.  I think my advice to myself right now is to go ahead and have the "psychotic fuck-it courage" and then do every single little thing possible leading up to support myself and calm my nerves.

Good luck and go gettum!

[Nahm]

On 2/16/2018 at 0:44 AM, Recursoinominado said:

I read somewhere this concept about our relationship with fear and how we should follow it (with common sense, not like jumping from the third floor or something). Often those moments make us grow a lot and isn't uncommon that our passions are born from those things that scared us more and we did it anyway. I am having some kind of intuition about taking acting classes and it scares me a lot. For sometime, I started to appreciate the beauty of work that actors do, I mean, think about it, they have to completely say "fuck my ego/self image" and cry on command or scream or something that would be almost unthinkable for most people and do it in front of an audience(sometimes,  millions of people). So, for sometimes, I caught myself thinking about, things just presented to me. I was a extroverted kid but with life, a lot of traumas came also and slowly I became really shy and introvert,i made a huge effort to beat this and I am proud to say that i evolved a lot, I even learned game ( doing cold approach, talking with a lot of people and flirting with lots of beautiful  women completely sober) and its a passion for me, the feeling of social freedom I gain from this is simply pure bliss, especially coming from I guy with a history of social isolation and bad references with girls. 

I did a mushroom trip about 10 days ago and during this trip I also had the feeling, intuition (not something I feel or follow frequently) that acting classes could be my next path. The thing is: I am horrified just to THINK about the possibility of acting, I can't even imagine how I would do anything that an actor does (and I admire them a LOT for doing it). 

 

So, my question is, there is some wisdom in following the fear and intuition? I would love some personal examples. 

What is it about acting that you like  and want to do?

As far as the fear, that’s what the class is for. Stop thinking to far ahead, that causes the unease, as if you’re supposed to already know what to do when it’s time to act. You’d learn it with the classes, and a ton of practice.

ps I don’t remember a trip report...sup? ?