Posted March 1, 2016 Sooo, a question arises in my mind because I have just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't feel abandoned and lonely and unwanted because I know that everything comes and goes, it's a natural process; my self-esteem is pretty decent, too. But what I'm concerned about is that I have no clue how to build relationships; I don't even know how to meet new men in order to start a relationship. With my ex it all happened so quickly, he liked me a lot for a long period of time but was too scared to talk to me cuz I seemed unapproachable; then a friend in common made it all happen and my ex was the one who was building the relationship in the beginning, I almost didn't take any action. The point of me telling this story is to show that I just don't know how to behave around guys, and obviously there might not be a fortune anymore to have 'a friend in common' around who would tell the guy 'yo dude she likes you a lot'. i don't know how to flirt, how to be more open, how to act, nothing (with new people, not with someone I knew for long enough). Moreover, I don't even know how to make friends lol it bothers me, I don't want to be a loner. Please, help me with advice. Should I read some books? How to meet new people, specially men? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 Since i am a man, i wouldn't be able to give quite good advice, but from time to time i have watched some videos of this guy who gives relationship and life advice on women and he seems pretty good. I suggest you pick the videos that interest you the most for starters, beginning from his oldest since they seem to be more basic. https://www.youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam/videos Aside from that, i would suggest you listen the lady's of group more than me Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 @drelamore thank you very much! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 Just know that because you're a girl the only problems you have is in your mind, most single guys are always desperate for a girl, but then again, maybe that just make us less desirable and you're looking for a real Manly Man who's not that needy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 Read books on every topic and go to school :-P take it slow and focus on your wellbeing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 @Ida well this is too sarcastic Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 @Keyblade Viking the problem is not that I think there are no guys around me. The problem is that I have no skills of building interpersonal relationships with any gender. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2016 @tropicana Leo talks about co-dependent, independent, and interdependent relationships in his clips. From what I got out of his clips and real life, the strongest relationships are at least independent relationships. That means both parties are well defined and willing to accept each other for who they are. They are also counter-intuitive; they don't listen to the opinions of others when they get criticized in the wrong ways. They are willing to stick it out. I find that interdependent relationships extremely rare-BFFs. They understand each other very well in any situations. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2016 @tropicana You don't want to be a loner. I feel you. What is it that you aim for here, what are you searching for? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2016 1 hour ago, Chives99 said: That's a snide remark on her or guys in general? Either way it's mostly true isn't it? and no ill will/bad intentions so whatever. On 2016-03-01 at 6:53 PM, tropicana said: @Keyblade Viking the problem is not that I think there are no guys around me. The problem is that I have no skills of building interpersonal relationships with any gender. That sucks, I have the same problem too so I can't really say anything, I want to try and break that Social Anxiety (which is what causes it) by just trying to engage strangers on the street etc but it's difficult (especially when I have such a great excuse to stay home lol, need to take the car because I live away from the city and then I have to pay for parking) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2016 Ok guys, I figured it out, you just go smile at people, keep your head up, and be nice; imagine you're an extrovert, fake it until you make it. Affirmations such as 'I'm friendly, charismatic and love talking to people' might help too. You might also wanna do small talks with random people. After I opened this thread I remembered that all these problems are not problems but concepts our minds decided to build and believe in. We are free to destroy them or replace with 'better' ones. We also have to remember to look at our actions from a perceptive of the awareness, not someone who experiences them (don't judge everything you see/hear/sense). sooo, I already met a few new people and I'm feeling more confident around others Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2016 18 hours ago, Chives99 said: @Keyblade Viking it was your tone implying her problems are trivial because girls aren't the ones to approach, girls have self esteem issues that we can't resonate with, how often are u insecure about your body for example I wasn't actually implying that at all @tropicana Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2016 All of it goes naturally if you click with someone. You really don't think too much, it just happens, you feel like you have a need to kiss him, to call him back, to hug him, to have a sex... I'm not sure if I understood your question, so my answer may not be useful. If a problem is how to get a boyfriend, that's another thing. Learn how to flirt with guys, watch videos about it or ask some of yours guy friends. They like to talk about it, don't feel shy. I got better advises about dating & sex from guy friends, than from girl friends. It is normal to talk about it out loud. When you spot someone you like, flirt with him, watch him, smile and then wait to be approached or approach him. Then start a normal conversation, but without any obligations, just go with the flow, keep it cool and natural. If you don't have opportunities, like me, because I don't have time to go out too much because of work, then create a profile on a dating site, that way I met many guys. And just be surrounded by people, that's the best way to get some social skills. If you lack them in general, then I would say, try to volunteer in some organisation, make some hobbies that involve working with a lot of people. I as an introvert had those difficulties, but I played in orchestra for years and gathered some useful skills. But it is all experience, you learn all of those things as time goes, it is just important to think about it so you don't make same mistakes twice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2016 How to meet new people? Seek and you shall find. I meet new people on the way, waiting for a bus. It's really that simple. Seek and you shall find. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2016 I agree with your recent realisation but be careful not to 'fake it' too much or your relationships will not be built on honesty and you'll find it tricky to maintain. Be mindful that by even telling yourself that you 'don't know how', like in your first post, could be what's holding you back. Don't make it a process, it just is. Inter-personal relationships is something that comes instinctively to all of us so try to take the thinking process out of it. Trust yourself that youll know what to do when the opportunity arises. Every solid relationship I've had has always come to me without me making a conscious effort to find it, sometimes when you stop looking is when you find answers. Let go of the need/ want and you'll find that it will happen naturally without any force or intervention on your part. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 16, 2016 On 01/03/2016 at 10:06 PM, tropicana said: I don't feel abandoned and lonely and unwanted because I know that everything comes and goes Be cautious here.. dont be too flippant about things coming and going.. you may not be allowing yourself to deal with things .. denial is cunning.. its never ok to look at a relationship and say ok they where at fault and just dump it.. there is always a reason you where there in the first place and you are always 100% responsible for it not working out.. youll get down the track after ten years of thinking your perfect and all of a sudden you will realise you fucked up.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 16, 2016 On 01/03/2016 at 10:06 PM, tropicana said: I just don't know how to behave around guys what do you want?? If you want to attract guys then learn.. If your happy by yourself then do it dont do it just coz everyone else is doing it.. Why dont you want to be a loner.??? Sounds like you dont know what you want or why.. the how is easy.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 16, 2016 On 03/03/2016 at 0:13 PM, tropicana said: Ok guys, I figured it out, you just go smile at people, keep your head up, and be nice; imagine you're an extrovert, fake it until you make it. Affirmations such as 'I'm friendly, charismatic and love talking to people' might help too. You might also wanna do small talks with random people. After I opened this thread I remembered that all these problems are not problems but concepts our minds decided to build and believe in. We are free to destroy them or replace with 'better' ones. We also have to remember to look at our actions from a perceptive of the awareness, not someone who experiences them (don't judge everything you see/hear/sense). sooo, I already met a few new people and I'm feeling more confident around others hhahahahaha !! You have to know what you want and why first.. sounds like you need to dig a little further.. You cant find a full life just by pretending you have a full life Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 22, 2016 @Will Oh man all I want is a dick ok Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 22, 2016 What should girls do? I have not read the OP post...or the thread, but my reply to the title is: >kiss me Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
