I had an awakening experience that lasted 3 days

[Versa]

To start off I must say that I am not enlightened anymore and therefore extremely prone to misconceptions and mind traps when talking about this subject.

• Background: 

I was always a very skeptical person throughout my life. Have been an atheist for my entire life and was also extremely deep into physics but also loved philosophy.

With that said, for someone who has never experienced any sort of awakening before all this meditation and spiritual growth all seems like new-age hippies bull. I had not studied this concept before and even watching Leo I would avoid any spiritual video because they seemed so far off.

• How it happened:

I have a very special connection with music, I play the piano and the guitar and have meditated (without realizing what I was doing) pretty much my entire life. I have had visual hallucinations before, euphoria and bliss using only music, no drugs or anything. So this particular time I was listening to my favorite song and was doing this extremely profound and deep meditation with it (again without even realizing it's meditation) when I just caught myself not existing anymore, I was so into the music that I had literally forgot about my own existence, I had killed myself without knowing. I open my eyes, looking at a white board and was extremely confused. Then it hit me as an spontaneous insight: "The self, what a preposterous concept" 

Still confused a bit, repeated it to myself once more and it was at that exact moment that I had awoken. What happens next the lower self cannot explain or understand, but I'll do my best to share as much as humanly possible on this strange subject.

I was everything in that room, literally, physically speaking. The floor, the dust, even the sounds. I didn't exist at all. I was nothingness, also literally. It was a moment of infinite bliss, a pleasure that is beyond any sensation a human can experience. Take all the good feelings in humanity's entire existence and it would still not even be close to this feeling. Awareness is everything that exists. Not as in consciousness, as that concept is too deeply enlaced with brains and human minds, but literally awareness. It is all that exists. It's funny because on a day to day life whenever we try to think of "god" and such metaphysical, airy ideas, we always approach it with flawed concepts like time or physical presence/influence or even with science that strives for perfection and evidence cannot find awareness for it is not a physical phenomena. My awakening experience was very profound, but was far from complete. I saw some facets of the truth but not all of them:

-I grasped what reality is, I became aware of awareness (which I guess is a must for any awakening experience)

-I understood nothingness

-I felt infinite "love" in lack of a better word-

-I did not understood the infinite self part. I knew I was everything that existed but I couldn't see it infinitely, I did not see it as finite either, couldn't really grasp infinity no matter how much I tried

-I knew it. I simply understood life.

-I was confused about other people existing, I knew for a fact I was literally them, but shouldn't have I become omniscient of their feelings and lives? Very confusing 

-I was in paradise, so when I came back I got a bit depressed I wasn't there anymore 

-I laughed so much thinking back to all my humanly problems or anyone's problems really. Even though I have no idea why (since I don't see the truth anymore) I still remember many insights and not a single problem exists. The devil exists though, and Leo understood this very well, it is you, who reads this that creates all the issues in the world. (I can't grasp this truth, it sounds super bs writing this but I believe my enlightened self's memories and notes)

-Also ultimate certainty of what I saw. Some people are afraid of illusions and traps or scared that once they see the truth they won't know it it's just another trap. It's impossible to have this experience and not understand it's legitimacy. If you think you had an awakening and had the slightest of hesitation then your ego is creating a very sophisticated trap.

There are so many things to write. This changed my life and it's so strange because I don't even believe in life or death anymore.

I'm sharing this, and also asking for help attaining this experience again. I feel cursed with the ego now that I have been in paradise and I'm desperate to see reality again. Thanks for reading, remember to be open-minded and kind, I'll be sure to answer any questions presented here. 

[Truth Addict]

43 minutes ago, Versa said:

To start off I must say that I am not enlightened anymore and therefore extremely prone to misconceptions and mind traps when talking about this subject.

• Background: 

I was always a very skeptical person throughout my life. Have been an atheist for my entire life and was also extremely deep into physics but also loved philosophy.

With that said, for someone who has never experienced any sort of awakening before all this meditation and spiritual growth all seems like new-age hippies bull. I had not studied this concept before and even watching Leo I would avoid any spiritual video because they seemed so far off.

• How it happened:

I have a very special connection with music, I play the piano and the guitar and have meditated (without realizing what I was doing) pretty much my entire life. I have had visual hallucinations before, euphoria and bliss using only music, no drugs or anything. So this particular time I was listening to my favorite song and was doing this extremely profound and deep meditation with it (again without even realizing it's meditation) when I just caught myself not existing anymore, I was so into the music that I had literally forgot about my own existence, I had killed myself without knowing. I open my eyes, looking at a white board and was extremely confused. Then it hit me as an spontaneous insight: "The self, what a preposterous concept" 

Still confused a bit, repeated it to myself once more and it was at that exact moment that I had awoken. What happens next the lower self cannot explain or understand, but I'll do my best to share as much as humanly possible on this strange subject.

I was everything in that room, literally, physically speaking. The floor, the dust, even the sounds. I didn't exist at all. I was nothingness, also literally. It was a moment of infinite bliss, a pleasure that is beyond any sensation a human can experience. Take all the good feelings in humanity's entire existence and it would still not even be close to this feeling. Awareness is everything that exists. Not as in consciousness, as that concept is too deeply enlaced with brains and human minds, but literally awareness. It is all that exists. It's funny because on a day to day life whenever we try to think of "god" and such metaphysical, airy ideas, we always approach it with flawed concepts like time or physical presence/influence or even with science that strives for perfection and evidence cannot find awareness for it is not a physical phenomena. My awakening experience was very profound, but was far from complete. I saw some facets of the truth but not all of them:

-I grasped what reality is, I became aware of awareness (which I guess is a must for any awakening experience)

-I understood nothingness

-I felt infinite "love" in lack of a better word-

-I did not understood the infinite self part. I knew I was everything that existed but I couldn't see it infinitely, I did not see it as finite either, couldn't really grasp infinity no matter how much I tried

-I knew it. I simply understood life.

-I was confused about other people existing, I knew for a fact I was literally them, but shouldn't have I become omniscient of their feelings and lives? Very confusing 

-I was in paradise, so when I came back I got a bit depressed I wasn't there anymore 

-I laughed so much thinking back to all my humanly problems or anyone's problems really. Even though I have no idea why (since I don't see the truth anymore) I still remember many insights and not a single problem exists. The devil exists though, and Leo understood this very well, it is you, who reads this that creates all the issues in the world. (I can't grasp this truth, it sounds super bs writing this but I believe my enlightened self's memories and notes)

-Also ultimate certainty of what I saw. Some people are afraid of illusions and traps or scared that once they see the truth they won't know it it's just another trap. It's impossible to have this experience and not understand it's legitimacy. If you think you had an awakening and had the slightest of hesitation then your ego is creating a very sophisticated trap.

There are so many things to write. This changed my life and it's so strange because I don't even believe in life or death anymore.

I'm sharing this, and also asking for help attaining this experience again. I feel cursed with the ego now that I have been in paradise and I'm desperate to see reality again. Thanks for reading, remember to be open-minded and kind, I'll be sure to answer any questions presented here. 

Lucky you!

Hopefully I will experience that someday..

And yes you can re-experience it through psychedelics. Check Leo's videos, I think there will be a lot of valuable information for you after you realized the Truth.

[cetus]

@Versa Nisargatta talks about each of us having a "Portal to the Absolute". Sound/vibration is one of them. I'd like to say you may have "found" your portal but if it is that than you already know it whether you realized it or not. Does this make sense to you?

3 hours ago, Versa said:

I'm asking for help attaining this experience again.

 I can suggest what not to do. Never ask yourself or anyone else this again. That is the ego asking. If the portal for you is music, it opens when "you" are not there. When you are there, your just listening to music. But when your not there, see the difference? Music takes on a whole new dimension to it.  But it must happen as if spontaneously arising of it's own. Don't try to "do" anything except create the right conditions (music in your case) and dissolve all longings for attaining anything. That's the key that opens all portals. Best of luck.

[Nahm]

@Versa I relate a lot to your post. I was the same way- into qm’s, psychology, neurology. I too used to actually use “hippies” as a derogatory term. Seems funny, and shitty, now. I used to call psychedelics “drugs” too. Lol.

 In hindsight, I realized I was so “in my head” that I wasn’t aware my pride was keeping me from getting out of my own head, getting out of the thinking realm. 

5 hours ago, Versa said:

So this particular time I was listening to my favorite song and was doing this extremely profound and deep meditation with it (again without even realizing it's meditation) when I just caught myself not existing anymore, I was so into the music that I had literally forgot about my own existence, I had killed myself without knowing

I’ve played guitar & sung for around 30 years. It staarted off as playing and singing, now it’s a flow state thing, and the playing & singing is a means, not that I don’t still love and enjoy it. I’ve also done the direct awareness practices for decades, and I suggest finding the distinction between the flow state, and the connection / no self in the silence of meditation. Eventually, in that way, we are always ‘connected’ within by default, no matter whats going on, more permananetly, vs when doing a specific function like playing. 

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Still confused a bit, repeated it to myself once more and it was at that exact moment that I had awoken. What happens next the lower self cannot explain or understand, but I'll do my best to share as much as humanly possible on this strange subject.

I was everything in that room, literally, physically speaking. The floor, the dust, even the sounds. I didn't exist at all. I was nothingness, also literally. It was a moment of infinite bliss, a pleasure that is beyond any sensation a human can experience. Take all the good feelings in humanity's entire existence and it would still not even be close to this feeling. Awareness is everything that exists. Not as in consciousness, as that concept is too deeply enlaced with brains and human minds, but literally awareness. It is all that exists. It's funny because on a day to day life whenever we try to think of "god" and such metaphysical, airy ideas, we always approach it with flawed concepts like time or physical presence/influence or even with science that strives for perfection and evidence cannot find awareness for it is not a physical phenomena. My awakening experience was very profound, but was far from complete. I saw some facets of the truth but not all of them:

-I grasped what reality is, I became aware of awareness (which I guess is a must for any awakening experience)

-I understood nothingness

-I felt infinite "love" in lack of a better word-

-I did not understood the infinite self part. I knew I was everything that existed but I couldn't see it infinitely, I did not see it as finite either, couldn't really grasp infinity no matter how much I tried

-I knew it. I simply understood life.

-I was confused about other people existing, I knew for a fact I was literally them, but shouldn't have I become omniscient of their feelings and lives? Very confusing 

-I was in paradise, so when I came back I got a bit depressed I wasn't there anymore 

-I laughed so much thinking back to all my humanly problems or anyone's problems really.

 

THANK YOU for sharing this! Felt so great to read. Like finding a beautiful lotus 100 miles into the unforgiving amazon. ❤️

5 hours ago, Versa said:

I was confused about other people existing, I knew for a fact I was literally them, but shouldn't have I become omniscient of their feelings and lives? Very confusing 

 

Of my experiences, this one is a real doozy. There’s One being, being all of us, and it is you, and it is what everyone is referring to by me, and I. You’ll probably notice more when people use me or I, vs, myself, mine / when they’re referring to the One that they are, vs the person in the experience of life. Most people aren’t aware they are making this distinction when talking. Some people are fully aware of it, and just talking with other people in the most commonly accepted vernacular. It’s very intricate. 

As for the rest of your post...if someone would have explained to you that you are everything in the room, you’d have understood, but having experienced it, now you real-ized it. It is now part of your reality totally literally. That’s like the first “glimpse”, which is to say, the first experience that somethin’s Fuckin going on here...it’s not cut and dry that I’m this person and the table is the table. That’s so awesome man, I’m very happy for you. 

Your insightful distinction of certainty in what you experienced, and anything other than that is ego induced - nailed it man. That is dead on. Very important distinction. 

The rest is the whole ‘absolute’ thing. There is no self (you experienced that clearly), there is oneness with all (you experienced that clearly too), then there is experiencing the actual source of everything that you are which is exactly the same as saying everything that is, but is completely different to the oneness experience because one merges you with all, and the other reveals the distinction between absolute (you) and illusion (everything else) - - - “the mindfuck that ends all mindfucks” (Leo) is very accurate.  It’s like comparing love fire crackers to a love nuke that deconstructs and obliterates the entire universe in front of you, and you remain because you are eternally unchangable. 

The hurdle now is, you can understand the following, but that is nothing really. You have to (assuming you want to) experience it for it to be real-ized - for you to be permanently out of the illusion. Getting the ‘rest of the way’ is totally relative to every moment of your life leading up to right now. So for some the best thing to do is leave it alone, put it out of your mind, and just be at peace with it - don’t “want it”. For others, breaking through hardcore is best. Only you can make that call of course. I was a “smart” science minded reality guy. Lol. I needed the hardcore RATM-size approach and it worked beautifully. 

I don’t think you have much psychological shadow work needing done. I’m deducing this because you experienced a pinch of the absolute, without any mention of the void. When someone trips balls and only experienced the void, there’s some shadow work  needing some love. In maya, they have to go from their head, to their heart. In reality, we have to go from the void, to God / Source / Love. So, I’d say the name of the game for you is breath focus meditation every morning, and again in the afternoon. The thinking and the physical pain keep our mind / identity in the illusion. The practices and the love take us into reality. There’s always psychedelics to consider too. I’m a fan of shroom tea, but I have a very long solid foundation of practices and I’ve never had a bad trip. I’ve seen people have them, and it is very unckin fugly. 

This is all just from my experience with any biases I am ignorant of. Hope it’s helpful nonetheless. 

Also, just on the ‘regular’ level...lol.. did you ever think you’d be having this conversation? Like, WTF? It actually does turn out that I don’t die and this is actually an illusion!? ? I mean, what the hell? Really? ?