Hard facts.

[spicy_pickles]

I’ve learned a lot about myself through counselling and self-realization. 

I am a people pleaser. I try and diffuse negative situations. I don’t like people becoming angry at me nor do I like conflict. I fear doing the wrong thing and feel as though I must always do the right thing. Everyone must like me, can never have any negative feedback. Bend over backwards to make everything right so you don’t get blamed for bad things happening. 

Well, I learned a few things. First of all, I have to make myself happy. If that makes someone else mad, well, I take ownership for that. Big deal. I was taught from an early age to avoid conflict and arguments. Now I can learn the tools to effectively calm the anxiety I get when I feel someone is becoming angry with me. I can’t control what people do, but I can control how I process the outcome. 

Its a difficult journey but it will serve me well. I need the confidence and drive to achieve an amazing life. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Enlightenment is your path then.  All of your troubles result from clinging to beliefs about yourself, or your self-image.  Once you can loosen belief in that self-image, that’s when problems like yours will begin to auto-correct for you.  So, keep up the Enlightenment work to get the change you seek — which is peace from thoughts and emotions such as you describe.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[aurum]

@spicy_pickles

Awesome man, keep up the good work.

[Charlotte]

17 hours ago, spicy_pickles said:

I’ve learned a lot about myself through counselling and self-realization. 

I am a people pleaser. I try and diffuse negative situations. I don’t like people becoming angry at me nor do I like conflict. I fear doing the wrong thing and feel as though I must always do the right thing. Everyone must like me, can never have any negative feedback. Bend over backwards to make everything right so you don’t get blamed for bad things happening. 

Well, I learned a few things. First of all, I have to make myself happy. If that makes someone else mad, well, I take ownership for that. Big deal. I was taught from an early age to avoid conflict and arguments. Now I can learn the tools to effectively calm the anxiety I get when I feel someone is becoming angry with me. I can’t control what people do, but I can control how I process the outcome. 

Its a difficult journey but it will serve me well. I need the confidence and drive to achieve an amazing life. 

First of all... Well done! This can be actually life changing, talking from my old people pleasing experience, I found I suffered A LOT! You genuinely sound like my old self, I could of wrote this last year. I was able to bring awareness to the fact that I learned my people pleasing traits from my mother, she still does it now and I see her suffering ?. 

 

You've seemed to realise that you can't control other people's reactions but your own, this is critical! Take that with you and apply it everywhere in your life! 

Keep up the good work and again, well done! ?

[spicy_pickles]

Thank you all!

One of the most profound things I think I’ve realized is the comment I made about taking ownership for not pleasing someone else. Yeah, that’s right. I put my needs first. I own that. That was a very powerful realization.