What to do in dark night of the soul?

[ivory]

35 minutes ago, Buba said:

I fear uncertainty. I fear I am losing my mind and will do something horrible or stupid. I also have fear of embarrassment. What if I do something weird and people will think I am weak.

I dont like myself. Because I think I am incomplete, a loser, who could not live the life he wanted. I have complex related to girls. I feel unwanted by them. 

I went through a lot of stuff like that too. A lot of this stuff persists, but it's lessened and I know longer experience depression or anxiety. It took a long time to get where I'm at, but all the work I did was worth it.

 

35 minutes ago, Buba said:

Medication does not help. Psychotherapy (I dont know if I ever took proper one) does not help.

I worked with a psychotherapist for a couple years and I don't know what I would have done without him. I would recommend one to everyone. If you seek out a therapist make sure to find one who has a lot of experience. There are some shitty, inexperienced ones out there. So watch out for them. Lastly, be patient. This kind of work takes time.

 

Keep your head up.

 

[WelcometoReality]

@Buba does this resonate with you?

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

3 hours ago, Buba said:

After several months of daily 20 minutes meditation (observing breath), I got severe depersonalization, derealization, meaninglessness, emptiness, fear and etc.

Stop meditation practice. It will not help you. In fact, any spiritual practice will probably do you more harm than good. In your case, self-inquiry is big no no. 

 

3 hours ago, Buba said:

I have been swallowing antidepressants for 5 years. So even before dark night I was suffering. But dark night is a bigger horror.

How many antidepressants have you tried? Is your psychiatrist good? Remember that it is also very important to do psychotherapy (preferably cognitive-behavior). And you also need a support network. 

[Buba]

Guys, thank you very much. To be honest I am surprised to your answers, because I thought spiritual path would cure my mind, daily meditation would remove my emotional pain. Some people say dark night is temporary, one needs to keep practicing to pass through dark night to light.

[Nahm]

17 minutes ago, Buba said:

Guys, thank you very much. To be honest I am surprised to your answers, because I thought spiritual path would cure my mind, daily meditation would remove my emotional pain. Some people say dark night is temporary, one needs to keep practicing to pass through dark night to light.

Write on paper about how you’re feeling. You will get 10 times more out of meditation if you empty out, and see it / understand it. Also, do Byron Katie’s worksheets. Life changing stuff. 

[Peanut]

Accept meaninglessness and accept the feeling of meaninglessness, "meaning" is just a small part of life, life is beautiful in and of it self, meaningful or not. You are beautiful for trying to improve your life, that is your meaning, that is meaningful, by helping yourself you help the world and the people around you, what could be more meaningful?. But fighting the feeling of meaninglessness will not make it better. just accept it, let it be, be aware of it, embrace it, integrate it as a part of your self, you are someone (basically everyone is) who sometimes feels meaninglessness. 

 

[Buba]

Thank you guys. I am not even sure if I have Dark Night  Right now I am reading Daniel Ingram's book "Mastering the core teachings of the Buddha".