Does re-approaching a girl who rejected you ever work?

[Hardkill]

I've been getting a lot of contradicting advice on whether or not it is a good idea to approach a girl who already rejected you before. Some have advise not to do it because you have to respect the fact that a no is a no, otherwise you will end up annoying her or even harassing her. In fact, part of the reason I got kicked out of my previous gym what that I made a couple of girls I approached feel uncomfortable after approaching each of them twice even though I was always completely respectful to them.

Others, have stated that a girl's emotions change from time to time (even more so than a guy's emotions), and so even if she rejected you during one point in time, it doesn't mean that she won't ever change her mind about it. Maybe she just was in a bad mood the day you first approached her, but then next time you see her she may be in a more pleasant and welcoming mood. Also, they say that girls commend a guy who is persistent. Hell we've all heard of stories where a girl said no several times to a guy who asked her out, but eventually after asking her out over and over again she finally said yes. Also, what if you happen to just run into the same girl who already rejected a few weeks ago or a month ago or a few to several months ago or what have you? How likely can you change her mind the next time you happen to bump into her again and make a better approach compared to last time?

Sighs. It's all so confusing. 

Edited February 12, 2018 by Hardkill

[Shin]

@aurum

[Elisabeth]

Be more subtle. 

If you have the possibility to see someone multiple times (like at the gym), don't "approach". 

Talk to her, offer help, be kind or funny and watch for signs of affection. 

If she does seem to like you, wait one more times (at least) and if she's still friendly at the next opportunity, only then ask her out (or whatever approaching you're doing). If she indeed liked you - or rather, thought about you in that way - she will have fantasized about the what if's, and she'll be more able to give you a proper 'yes', 'no', or 'not now'. If she didn't think of you that way, she may still be confused. Take that as a no. 

You'll still get a lot of no's, but at least you know that it's not just a 'no because of bad mood' or 'no because I don't make fast decisions'. You know that pushing further would be harassment. 

Edited February 12, 2018 by Elisabeth

[Dan Arnautu]

A rule of thumb in pick up is: ”It's much easier to attract a new girl than to build up attraction in a girl that already rejected you.”

Don't approach those girls again. 

The framework you are operating on is a little faulty. You should go into the situation with a mindset of abundance, not scarcity. If you approach girls a second time after they rejected you, they will instantly think: "This guy doesn't get many girls if he approaches me a second time. He is pretty needy. I'm not gonna give him the time of day."

Alpha males don't give the GIRLS THAT REJECTED THEM the time of day. Why? Because they know they can always find more awesome girls and those girls just did not see the catch they were anyway.

You should always see yourself as a catch. If they did not see the value in you, it's their loss, not yours. The abundant guy doesn't even have the time to think about the girls that rejected him, because he is already qualifying ten other girls. That's the frame you should strive to be in.

[aurum]

@Hardkill

It's not contradictory advice. Both those statements are true in different contexts.

Yes, sometimes in a club or a bar re-approaching can work because everything is changing. Maybe that girl who blew you off was just in a bad mood. If you're not reapproaching, you leave so much on the table as far as possible options.

But if you're getting kicked out of gyms, you need to chill out. A gym is a social circle setting where you should be playing the long game, not burning the place to the ground with aggressive opens.

Context dude. And you'll only really get the context the more you take action. That's how this abstract theory becomes real.

[Sippycup]

Hello. Girl here. It's tricky. Sometimes you have to intuit it. If you feel even the slightest bit annoying or creepy don’t do it. Girls are not stupid. We do not forget when a guy has expressed his interest. If we reject initially that means please leave me alone for now, but i will not forget that you are interested. And if she feels like it she will re connect with you in the future. Or she won’t. Don’t wait around for her. I would suggest putting more of your focus into becoming fully emotionally independent as a man because subconsciously women pick up on this and love it!

Good luck and always remain mature and dignified regardless of how women behave towards you   x 

[Hardkill]

 

 

On 2/12/2018 at 10:16 AM, aurum said:

@Hardkill

It's not contradictory advice. Both those statements are true in different contexts.

Yes, sometimes in a club or a bar re-approaching can work because everything is changing. Maybe that girl who blew you off was just in a bad mood. If you're not reapproaching, you leave so much on the table as far as possible options.

But if you're getting kicked out of gyms, you need to chill out. A gym is a social circle setting where you should be playing the long game, not burning the place to the ground with aggressive opens.

Context dude. And you'll only really get the context the more you take action. That's how this abstract theory becomes real.

I see. Alright that helps me understand things more.

Oh FYI, I’ve actually stopped hitting on girls at my new gym for about 11 months. It has sucked, but I guess it is what it is.

I wish I could go to a big city everyday and approach many attractive girls there everyday, but my parents won’t let me. I don’t know what I am gonna do with the beast inside me.

 

[aurum]

16 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I wish I could go to a big city everyday and approach many attractive girls there everyday, but my parents won’t let me. I don’t know what I am gonna do with the beast inside me.

You gotta find a way to move as soon as possible is what you have to do.

Society wants you to cage the beast. They want you to be a little bitch.

Fuck that.

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

You gotta find a way to move as soon as possible is what you have to do.

Society wants you to cage the beast. They want you to be a little bitch.

Fuck that.

I couldn't agree more. 

So, how often have you gotten girls you re-approaching to end up going out with you?

[Courtney]

@Hardkill another response from the opposite sex... Re-approaching rarely ever works!  I can only speak for myself of course, and I’ve had a couple “re-approachers” in my day and it has not once worked out for the guy.  There’s a reason we said no in the first place (even if it was because of a bad mood), and if we have any interest whatsoever, we will find you.  Move forward, not backwards and find yourself a woman who is deserving of you!  They are out there! 

Also - yes I agree, move out if you’re unhappy!  

[Samra]

It can work. But you need to play an entirely different game. The more important question is, is that worth your time and effort. 

[Hardkill]

34 minutes ago, Courtney said:

@Hardkill another response from the opposite sex... Re-approaching rarely ever works!  I can only speak for myself of course, and I’ve had a couple “re-approachers” in my day and it has not once worked out for the guy.  There’s a reason we said no in the first place (even if it was because of a bad mood), and if we have any interest whatsoever, we will find you.  Move forward, not backwards and find yourself a woman who is deserving of you!  They are out there! 

Also - yes I agree, move out if you’re unhappy!  

So, what if I accidentally run into the same girl again a few months later or even half a year or more later? What if he had positively changed his way of interacting with others the next time you see him, especially if he's a really good looking and high quality guy? 

Sadly, I won't be able to move out of my city until at least a year or two. My mom even prevents me from approaching any girls anywhere now. I've tried all kind of venues and different hobbies to meet all kinds of women, but they all failed me. My therapist had told to be patient and that my time will come, but I feel like I almost can't take it anymore. I wish I knew how to deal with this frustration I keep having with my social and sex life. 

I really cannot just move out of my parents' place. I hardly have any money of my own and I am heavily invested on finishing my grad degree, which unfortunately will take at least a year and a half to complete (hopefully).

This is why I feel socially and sexually powerless and am very worried that I might turn really crazy if I don't get my sexual needs satisfied soon. 

Edited February 17, 2018 by Hardkill

[Ayilton]

The Girls are giving good advice  ! Be more subtle dude  ! 

And learn and understand emotional arawenes  so you can have better interpretation in social situations  !