Nervousness/Anxiety when meeting strangers

[Charlotte]

Today, I met my partner's friends for the first time. I watched my reactions closely...

*Sweaty palms

*Ripping bits of tissue up whilst sitting in company

*Shaking a leg

*Faster heartbeat

*Forgetting what I'm saying, not being aware of what I'm saying and talking to fast

Your probably thinking "This is normal" , thing is, why is it we get nervous when meeting strangers? Is it the thoughts we are having? I don't like my reactions to be honest, I don't feel calm and grounded and to me, it's a type of suffering, emotionally drained by the end of it.

I would love to be able to take control of this issue.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️

[Shin]

Scared about how they see you:

cool not cool, cute not cute, smart not smart, funny not funny ?

 

 

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

Scared about how they see you:

cool not cool, cute not cute, smart not smart, funny not funny ?

 

 

No, funnily enough @Shin if people don't find me cute, smart, funny I believe that's their issue. I am who I am and that's it. I genuinely tried to just watch my thoughts and I couldn't find anything that stuck out to me, maybe I'm not aware enough yet of certain thoughts ?

[Shin]

Kind of strange, cause it looks like text book Social anxiety.

You sure you don't feel inferior, stressed about being uninteresting or something like that ?

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

Kind of strange, cause it looks like text book Social anxiety.

You sure you don't feel inferior, stressed about being uninteresting or something like that ?

Hmmm... I honestly can't put my finger on it. 

Say it is textbook social anxiety @Shin, how do people go about changing that? It's funny, I felt I lost a part of myself for them few hours because I'm usually a very calm chilled out person and when this anxiety kicks in it changes me into this fast talking, nervous wreck

[Charlotte]

Actually... Contemplating on it, I'm paranoid about my self imagine (always have been) ?

[Shin]

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder.htm

Does it do that everytime you meet new people, or was it a one time thing ?

@Charlotte My self "imagine" ?

Edited February 10, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

6 hours ago, Shin said:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder.htm

Does it do that everytime you meet new people, or was it a one time thing ?

@Charlotte My self "imagine" ?

Sorry, self image. 

Yeah, all that time.

Thank you for the link 

[Vipassana]

@Charlotte Pay attention to your breath when you're going through this emotional suffering. You'll find that your breath becomes slightly faster or harsher. You might not have control over how you're feeling in the body but you can always slowly regulate your breath and return it to its normal pace. This might take a looot of emotional labor at the moment of your "anxiety" attack but give yourself time to step back and just breathe without overthinking or worrying about what the other person might think. Helps me lot when im meditating and some nasty impurities come to the surface and im overwhelmed on the verge of a emotional outbursts. hope this helped (:

[Vipassana]

@Charlotte also in addition to that you might want to try cold showers if you want a immediate practice step. So much shit comes up when you consciously choose to turn that knob to cold and facing the suffering head on. It will leave you a stronger person every time you get out the shower. 

[Charlotte]

2 hours ago, Vipassana said:

@Charlotte Pay attention to your breath when you're going through this emotional suffering. You'll find that your breath becomes slightly faster or harsher. You might not have control over how you're feeling in the body but you can always slowly regulate your breath and return it to its normal pace. This might take a looot of emotional labor at the moment of your "anxiety" attack but give yourself time to step back and just breathe without overthinking or worrying about what the other person might think. Helps me lot when im meditating and some nasty impurities come to the surface and im overwhelmed on the verge of a emotional outbursts. hope this helped (:

 

2 hours ago, Vipassana said:

@Charlotte also in addition to that you might want to try cold showers if you want a immediate practice step. So much shit comes up when you consciously choose to turn that knob to cold and facing the suffering head on. It will leave you a stronger person every time you get out the shower. 

That's helped a lot @Vipassana thank you. I've just read the link that shin kindly posted and it gives a breathing exercise there also. Thing is, how can I focus on my breath whilst listening and communicating with another person?

Do you have cold showers? Please tell me how it's helped you?

 

Thanks again Vipassana & @Shin ❤️

[egoeimai]

The best thing you can do is to be around those people for as long as you can. And not only them but every stranger, and do everything you can to make yourself comfortable accepted (accept yourself) chill. You need to be fine with it and when that happens try to relax and not escape from the situation. Be with it. Do it as often as you can and you'll see results. 

You can as well, during that time say encouraging words in your mind and smile ? a bit more about it. 

[Charlotte]

13 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

The best thing you can do is to be around those people for as long as you can. And not only them but every stranger, and do everything you can to make yourself comfortable accepted (accept yourself) chill. You need to be fine with it and when that happens try to relax and not escape from the situation. Be with it. Do it as often as you can and you'll see results. 

You can as well, during that time say encouraging words in your mind and smile ? a bit more about it. 

Thank you @egoeimai helps a lot.

I do after a certain amount of time, slowly start to feel myself relax. I really contemplated last night as to why I get like this. A lot of it is self image issues and other times it is something else. 

Like yesterday for instance, I noted myself starting to relax BUT then I needed the toilet, so I went to the toilet and whilst washing my hands I naturally started looking in the mirror, adjusting my hair etc, I then noticed punishing self doubting thoughts arising... "Look at you you ugly person, look at the state of your hair and make-up" etc from that moment in the bathroom it escalated. I've had image issues for as long as I can remember, not just in company, in my life altogether.

I will definitely give what you said a try and stop resisting. Thank you ❤️

[Shin]

Don't stress too much about this, it's gonna subside one way or another.

Make it fun, after all it's something you can't control and know it's stupid, so why not laugh about it when it's not out of control ?  

[Happy]

I would suggest you check it with someone obejective that can offer you some soultions from the 'side'.. actually I was at a similar place before and I found this free trail program to helped myself how to get rid of it, would suggest you check at: https://mentorself.com

Edited February 11, 2018 by Happy

[Charlotte]

7 hours ago, Shin said:

Don't stress too much about this, it's gonna subside one way or another.

Make it fun, after all it's something you can't control and know it's stupid, so why not laugh about it when it's not out of control ?  

Are you referring to the social anxiety @Shin?

@Happy thanks, will do! ❤️

[Shin]

@Charlotte Yes  

[Charlotte]

@Shin I've read that people can control it... And I honestly believe it is within my control. I'm producing it so why can't I unprpoduce it. 

 

Ignore these quote boxes ⬇️

 

 

On 11/02/2018 at 5:34 AM, Vipassana said:

@Charlotte 

 

On 11/02/2018 at 5:41 AM, Vipassana said:

@Charlotte

 

[Shin]

You can't control the physical aspect, but you can control how you react from it from the inside.

Just like the same way you can be scared about something, and still doing it by ignoring the fear.

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

You can't control the physical aspect, but you can control how you react from it from the inside.

Just like the same way you can be scared about something, and still doing it by ignoring the fear.

I get you now. Thanks for clarifying that. I've taken another perspective on it... It's an illusion anyway! From now on, when I get into a social situation, I'm going to view these people as just an extension of myself, which they are.