2nd Strong Determination Sit:it Turns Me On?!

[Guest]

This time I only went for 30 minutes. Since I have only been meditating for about two weeks or so, I figured it would be best for me to start small and transition to longer sits.

This time I didn't start screaming and crying,but the sexual desire came up again. I think this may have given me insight into repressed sexual desires. I have never had a hint of physical intimacy in my life, not even from my mom. I'm in college and haven't even hugged girls or had deep conversations. I attributed my lack of success with girls to be my face, but I've started to think that's just an insecurity. Really, I am not even interested in a relationship; I just want to have lots of sex with beautiful women and fulfill this unmet desire. Should I make that a self-actualization priority to make the ego healthy and prepared to be transcended in addition to my meditation practice? It's probably my biggest insecurity, I have now realized, and I had no idea before the last hour that it was even a big deal for me.

All I could think about during those 30 minutes was raw animalistic sex with hot girls and becoming more physically attractive and socially adept. Should I work on this? Has my SDS given me a huge insight, or is that just my imagination?

 

Am I making progress towards enlightenment, or is this stuff not typical?

Edited March 1, 2016 by Saitama

[Azrael]

3 hours ago, Saitama said:

Am I making progress towards enlightenment, or is this stuff not typical?

Hey, great post. Now, was this insight or not? It tends to be the case that you shouldn't take your thoughts in a strong determination too seriously - else wise you begin running around killing children and stuff in a few weeks.

Just kidding here. But I had and have such thoughts as well. Sexual experience is something to get some experience in or you mind will hold that shield up from time to time and wants to create even more insecurity. It's kinda like a basic need. So I'd suggest get some experience in that area and then you will see for yourself where that leads you.

If you have big problems with that look up some pickup stuff - I can really recommend David DeAngelo's stuff. I know how Leo sees this right now and I agree to a lot of points the mentioned in his video about this - but if you just want to know how it's done. Look it up. It is not a shame and will help you - if you don't spend the rest of your life doing that as a complete psychopathic maniac.  

But yeah, basically it is very normal that stuff like that occurs in strong determination sits. Your mind purges more and more shit and you will maybe come in contact with some hidden traumas or whatsoever that you never knew about and suddenly a "tick", some neurosis or insecure behavior is just gone. From one sit to the other. This happened several times for me - still does.

Expect that - and you'll develop after time the right attitude to approach it. It's probably one of the fastest ways to awake, that brings some cost with it. But it's worth it in my opinion and the worst part is the beginning. The rest comes by itself.

[Guest]

@Arik If at all possible, I'd like to hold off on the sex for a few years while I put my life together. Can I still become enlightened before working out those other issues? I'm sure I'll find many other problems as I continue this. Right now I'm at ground 0 with women, even though I have studied relationships extensively, I suffer from social anxiety and have a pretty chaotic life. I was hoping doing this enlightenment work would help me lay the foundation for dealing with fears. It's not that I am absolutely opposed to approaching women. I just don't want to devote the time to honing that skill right now--not at the expense of my career goals and enlightenment.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Saitama

[WelcometoReality]

14 minutes ago, Saitama said:

@Arik If at all possible, I'd like to hold off on the sex for a few years while I put my life together. Can I still become enlightened before working out those other issues? I'm sure I'll find many other problems as I continue this. Right now I'm at ground 0 with women, even though I have studied relationships extensively, I suffer from social anxiety and have a pretty chaotic life. I was hoping doing this enlightenment work would help me lay the foundation for dealing with fears. It's not that I am absolutely opposed to approaching women. I just don't want to devote the time to honing that skill right now--not at the expense of my career goals and enlightenment.

Maybe you can. Be careful about using enlightenment to transcend your life though. In my experience it is when you develop spiritually in parallell with your life you see the best progress, both in life and in spirit. 

Eventually you have to integrate your enlghtenment work in your life, so why not start directly?

I also had social anxiety. Living in my apartment playing games to avoid life. Meeting my fears I think was the greatest reason of my awakening.

 

[Kedar]

One of Leo's video addresses this issue, he says, "In order to break out of matrix, you first need to understand this matrix well". That's very true, most important if you are physically healthy, more or less fulfilled in other essential components of life that you think important for you like relationship, career, etc. then, I think, that will definitely help you in your enlightenment work. Wish you good luck. Don't forget to come back  

[Guest]

@WelcometoReality Of course. I'm not trying to escape the problem. It just that I'm not ready yet and don't want to put off enlightenment.

[Guest]

Update: I feel terrible.  I don' want to be like this. Can meditation help me overcome my arousal addiction?

 

Edit: I am not feeling nearly as bad as I did during my previous crises. I think this enlightenment work is helping.Also, remembering there is no free will is helpful. There is no "I" that needs to feel bad.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Saitama

[Guest]

@Pinocchio Agreed, and there is no need to be ashamed, because there is nobody to be ashamed. As for the repressed urges, I'd just like to be able to acknowledge them without having to act on them.

[Guest]

@Pinocchio Well, I'm new to meditation, so I'd just say general lack of self-awareness. Perhaps, acknowledge isn't as apt as accept without letting them dominate behavior.

[Markus]

If you want enlightenment, everything else is gonna be a distraction, especially some kind of pursuit of changing yourself. If you watch Leo's "real growth vs fake growth" video, you might perhaps see that the desire to become good with girls is a sort of an overcompensation for your insecurities with them. I do have the same issue. But thinking that compensating that and "fixing yourself" is going to make you happy is a delusion. The only reason someone would choose girls over enlightenment is out of ignorance.