Relationships before life purpose?

[Octafish]

I've been thinking about life purpose and relationships lately. However I do feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle since I've never been in a relationship. It's not as much half baked as it's quarter baked but bear with me.

What I have thought is that unless you have a clear view of your goals and a schedule that you follow, relationships could potentially serve as massive distraction. Distracting you by how easy I'd assume it would be just focusing on the other person as a crutch for procrastinating your life away. Not only that but also ending up being with a person that would prefer you not to grow because they love the person you were before. 

Without a clear goal and plan it seems hard to set the proper boundaries to keep your ego in check from spending all your free time on cheap pleasure with a loved one, because I'm sure that sounds like an amazing thing at the moment.

So, people with more experience that me, what are your takes on this? Is realtionships before you've got your goals in order a bad idea or is it no worse than friendships, the internet, or any other possible distraction? Am I onto something or is this a massive mental blunder? 

[Shin]

Depends if you truly grasped that a relationship can't fulfill you.

 

Do you feel needy for a gf/bf ?

Do you feel you need that love to be truly happy ?

How do you feel when you're near a gf/bf material person ?

Is there only sexual attraction or something else ?

 

I'm not asking what you think

But what you feel.

Edited February 8, 2018 by Shin

[Octafish]

@Shin It depends. I haven't really had any interest in any particular person in months now. When I last had feelings for someone I felt really excited and elevated being around her and like she was someone really special. Then she ended up getting into a relationship with someone else and I realized nothing was going to happen there so I kind of just lost interest. 

By then I realized that I kind of dodged a bullet by not ending up with her because her general way of life would not be compatible with mine at all. She's really into partying, video games, unhealthy eating etc which is all things I want to avoid getting all sucked into. 

I was completely blind to the possible outcomes and I guess that is what started me getting into this train of thought.

I think it was more than sexual attraction but whatever that means that it was I have no idea. It's hard to remember, I was in an entierly different mindset.

[Shin]

I personally think you should socialize at least 1 time per week for 2 months.

New things you never done to meet new people.

Then see how you feel around attractive women.

It's important to know because in my experience, I wasn't able to focus on my life purpose untill I really experienced that a relationship can't fulfill me.

Our culture make it looks like it's the only thing that matter, but in practice, especially for men, it's so far from the truth.

[Octafish]

@Shin I socialize a lot but you're right that it's mostly the same group of people in which I'm not really interested in dating any of the women.

It's probably always a good idea to just do some of those basic personal development things aswell. Kind of easy to forget about those when you're busy meditating in hopes of encountering alien mantis people or getting kicked out of the library for pulverizing and snorting all of their books in hope of some new insight on how to best move towards your life purpose.

But yeah tell me about it. I feel like the biggest thing I'd enjoy in a relationship would be the proper disillusionment with the idea that it would make me happy. Because I understand it intellectually but I probably have plenty of gunk in my subconscious that I probably only could clear out with first hand experience.

[aurum]

@Octafish

If you don't have clear goals, the problem isn't that relationships are a distraction. It's that you have no life.

Everything is a distraction when you have no idea where you're going.

So if you have no goals, make finding out what your goals are your goal.

Take the life purpose course. Read books. Travel. Experiment.

Whatever you feel you have to do to feel like you've started to find something worthwhile to achieve.

Maybe that means you take time off from relationships. Or maybe it doesn't.

But it's certainly not a requirement.

[Shin]

Whatever you decide to do, always take at least 1 hour everyday to find your life purpose or to work on it everyday.

It's easy to get lost in other stuff that seems WAY MORE important.

I would recommand the life purpose course from Actualized.org, it's really worth it, but if you find an another one or want to do it on your own that's ok, even though I don't think It's a good idea to limite yourself like that.

 

[vibrate]

I have almost never been without a relationship and I am honestly pondering to give them up altogether.

I currently have a relationship that challenges me very much and I grow every day and I like that a lot (and I love the guy a lot!), but it's a massive distraction.

I have overcome a lot of my other addictions so I think it's time to look very closely at how much I'm addicted to having another person around.

So I certainly would not force anything being in your shoes.

[Shin]

20 minutes ago, vibrate said:

I have almost never been without a relationship and I am honestly pondering to give them up altogether.

I currently have a relationship that challenges me very much and I grow every day and I like that a lot (and I love the guy a lot!), but it's a massive distraction.

I have overcome a lot of my other addictions so I think it's time to look very closely at how much I'm addicted to having another person around.

So I certainly would not force anything being in your shoes.

You could learn not to be so attached to him, while still being in the relationship  

You don't have to flunk the relationship, especially if it is great and you both grow a lot from it, just explain the situation and that you want to take some space to handle the attachement issue.

Edited February 9, 2018 by Shin

[MarkusSweden]

Before enlightenment: Earn money, bang chicks 

After enlightenment: Earn money, bang chicks 

Thats how it goes I guess. No life changing secrets to enlightenment

 

[RawJudah]

Whatever you do, don’t get married

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, vibrate said:

I have almost never been without a relationship and I am honestly pondering to give them up altogether.

I currently have a relationship that challenges me very much and I grow every day and I like that a lot (and I love the guy a lot!), but it's a massive distraction.

I have overcome a lot of my other addictions so I think it's time to look very closely at how much I'm addicted to having another person around.

So I certainly would not force anything being in your shoes.

I literally could of wrote this. I've been in relationships from the age of 13+ (I'm now 27), I was bullied at school and felt unnatractive, when I got into a relationship I felt beautiful and wanted. From the very first relationship I had I never wanted to be alone again, if I was single, it meant I felt worthless, unnatractive and unwanted. This caused me to get into relationships for the complete wrong reasons and usually they failed. I've only come to release this (last year). So yes, your right, they are like an addiction

Edited February 9, 2018 by Charlotte
Grammar errors