Homeostasis Is Harsh :(

[Bruno]

I read books, I do exercises, I try really hard, I start to improve, I see change, but every single time, out of nowhere, I get back to my old habits, I get back to my old behaviors, then I have to drag myself up the hill again.

It feels like I have to fight my way up to be happy, and everything else is pushing me down.

There are days when I feel really great, really good self esteem, amazing interactions with people, super confident. And there are days when it looks like everything breaks down, low self esteem, insecurity, needy. Then comes frustration followed by depression, every single time.

It feels like I'm running in circles.

And the worst part is that I just CAN'T understand WHY this happens ! I continue with the same practices, the same mindsets, the same books. There is simply no reason for me to wake up one day and feel awful all day long, doesn't matter what I do 

How do I deal with this ?

[Saarah]

Instead of focusing on when it will become your norm maybe instead try to find a comfort in the challenge and discomfort of this not being your norm. 

Maybe you should stop being achievement oriented and instead be process oriented and enjoy the process more.

Think about how much more fun you're having experiencing this resistance and challenge and waking up everyday just to work at overcoming it and doing the things you want instead of having this routine which you've settled into and now you're feeling bored and need to move onto the next thing.

Because at some point if it did become you're norm, you'd probably be motivated to create another challenge or find a boundary to overcome. So be glad that you've got this one that could be sticking around a while and giving you a reason to not be lazy 

See ya later not-so-much-a-couch-potato

ok that didn't rhym 

change potato to patata

[Truth]

I've been there, and still go there sometimes, over time it's lessened. The more awareness I gain (meditating, mindfulness,) the easier it is to be mindful of what's going on with me, journaling really helped me a lot in the beginning it's a very good habit to have in place.

Just know the truth that it's all in your head. And in reality, ACTUAL REALITY, everything is neutral, everything is chill, it's just your ego reacting, Just do your best to be mindful and try your best not to let these emotions and thoughts drag you into the rabbit hole. Journal! ask yourself what is up with me? What is my deal? and come up with an answer, find some information and work with it, these feelings and thoughts aren't coming from the external environment, they are coming from you.

Here's a good quote by Robert Fritz in The Path Of Least Resistance that I think might help ya. "To attempt a psychological solution to what is really a structural phenomenon does nothing to change the underlying structure." -- are you doing the same things over and over again expecting different results? whether that be internally or externally take a good look at your life and the things you are doing. Expect a lot of backsliding if this is the case.

 

Edited February 29, 2016 by Truth

[Draconis Chaser]

I'm sorry if this sounds like an overused clishe, but these are  literaly the only three things that have worked for me in my entire personal development journey.

The first one was Journaling. I would pour my heart out on the pages: cry, throw tantrums, rage, go into berzerk mode, get all gooey, do the whole "what is the point" saga, and then I would be fine. Until I wasn't and the whole process had to start again. BUT it worked for a short  amount of time. We have a saying in Serbian- 'Papir trpi sve', which roughly translates to "The paper can take it all" and I quite frankly took it to the extreme... But @Truth talked beautifully about that already.

The next one was the sudden realization that I would have to take care of myself, that is take care of my "iner Child" and that I will HAVE to love myself in order to survive. Not that interesting, I'm afraid... 

What sort of got me through my worst was an "I'll take anything" mindset. And before I end up sounding desperate, let me explain...

I wrote once about "Some battles are won by an inch" principle that was paramount in my life. I would do a huge step forward, then two backwards. Then half a step forward, three backwards. You get the idea.
Still, every time I slided back, and I did a lot of that, I would grasp for a teeny-tiny bit of progress and hold on to it. True, a milimetre (we use metric here ) but still better than nothing. And milimeter by milimeter, I would crawl into the better phase. 

If nothing, this keeps you from diving completely down because you lost it ALL. Even if you managed to keep just a miniscule part, hell, a progress is still a progress.

I remember when I would go on a diet, and decided not to eat anything sweet for a whole month, I would fail miseraably by Wednesday on a first week. But, if I went grocery shopping on Thursday, I would walk past the candy display and repete over and over in my head: Some battles are won mm by mm; Some battles are won mm by mm; Some battles are won mm by mm.....

And I would forget I craved chocolate. Yay! Success! 

On Friday I ate the whole chocolate bar, but on Sunday, i resisted. Progress. 

[ I rearly eat sweets anymore.  ]   

If nothing else seems to work for you, especially if you are biting more that you can swallow, I would definitely recomend that you at least try holding on for a piece of success until better days arrive.

Hopefully this helps that one miniscule bit.

Take care!  

[TheFrown]

Remember without homeostasis life would not exist. Sarah gave some excellent advice. Love the process and the journey. Reaching the destination, most times, is just another high we are chasing. Life is beautiful and awfull. Its up to you how you want to perceive it, and thereby how you interact with it.