Being Considerate Of Others

[Will]

Had a bit of an issue I was not sure of what to do...

I wanted to express something that I felt society ect feels is taboo. however other are easily offended.

How do I express my free will in a considerate way?? Or should i just not worry about the haters..?? I guess there will always be people who cant handel the truth of what oyour saying or try and sensor you , and restrict your point of view..

I had always felt I had to withhold my feelings and supress them. I know now not to but how do I express them without offendingf or disrespecting ??

I am just not sure..

I really dont understand disrespect from this perspective. i would think if you expressed from a loving creative way you cant disrespect others. 

[Clay]

There is a respectful way to express anything. Sometimes there is a necessity to express things in a critical and direct way, but if you want to minimize any potential offense toward the person, you can wrap your differential expression in consideration of the other person's opinion. For example: "I understand why you consider X. X makes sense because x x x. But how about considering Y? I consider Y because y y y. But again, I do understand why you consider X."

Edited March 1, 2016 by Clay Curl

[Draconis Chaser]

@Will I'd say that depends on the target audience.

Some people legit don't give a shit and you can talk freely with them.
Then there are others around whom you have to walk on eggshells. I personally don't like going out of my way to make sure nobody gets offended, but sometimes that is necessery.

You of course, have every right to express your oppinions, but you have to make sure that you are coming from the right place. And keep in mind that some topics are more delicate than others.

You definitely don't want to, for example, talk about how stupid not attending college is to someone who didn't have enough money to  enroll. Just like you wouldn't say bad things to your host at the party, right. Stuff like that.

On the other hand, talking blindly like this, I really can't give you any solid advice... Maybe if you shared what kind of topic it was that people were offended by?     

In the end, the most generalized advice I can give really, is to be as rational as possible when dealing with potentionally inconvenient situation, and use as neutral language as possible. And having strong argumentation is a must, of course, just in case somebody does get unjustifiably offended.     

Hopefully this helps... 

Take care!  

[Will]

@Clay Curl @Draconis Chaser Thankyou both for your view points.. One thing came to mind when reading your replies.. I have to think carefully about why ity is so important as to why I need to express my self in the first place.. 

I guess i want freedom to be who i want.. 

Also I felt I wanted to stand in the face of society pressure and send a message that I am me... this is me.

I have a fear that I cant be me because others wont accept me..

Part of me was also trying to see who would support me and see who the haters where..

Lastly I wanted to send a message that I was ok with who I was and that its ok for others to be that way too..

I want to encourage people to be who they are and maybe try and inspire people to be less judgemental and more unconditional..

I did not want it to come off as me telling the world how to live or force a particular view point but I think that's how some people took it..

 I am Glad I stood up and voiced myself. It was definitely a learning experience.....

 

Has anyone else felt like they wanted to stand up in front of peers and let the world know who they where?? how did it go for you. did it go well?? What would you have done different??

 

[Will]

@Clay Curl @Draconis Chaser Just thought of some more examples.. for instance I feel so happy sometimes I want to go up to people and say hi and give them a hug..

Or

I just want to feel really happy and be really joyful around people who are sad

Or

I want to help people who think everything in the world is against them that its ok and they are actually in control of everything..

There are plenty of ways that I want to express myself but Those who are asleep would actually just get annoyed and offended or insulted..

Someone even mentioned that I was acting weird.. for being joyfull and happy.. How is that weird..??? Ok its not like I was a year ago, but its better than being all depressed and sad...

hmmmm

[Draconis Chaser]

@Will

3 hours ago, Will said:

I guess i want freedom to be who i want..

This is your right and nobody has any business preventing you from being who you are. 

3 hours ago, Will said:

I have a fear that I cant be me because others wont accept me..

This is actually something you can work on through personal development. An something you should work on, in  my oppinion at least... 

Look, people are different. Some people like being hugged and like to talk and share ideas with others. Some people are more private and introverted and strongly dislike when there is soemone in their personal space. No matter your intention, you have to respect that. 

Expressing your own agenda is great, and as long as nobody else is affected, by all means- go for it! Talk about yourself, dress a certain way, listen to whichever music you like, read whatever you like, believe what you choose, Smile and laugh as much as you want! That is what makes life beautiful! 

On the other hand, the moment your expressing yourself starts to affect others, you have to be careful. Like I said, people are different. 

And if you want to inspire anyone, the best way to do that is by example.

I encourage you to work on not giving a shit what others think about you, but since you asked about being considerate of others, my advice is to play it safe and smart. 

Have a great day!   

[Keyblade Viking]

18 hours ago, Will said:

Had a bit of an issue I was not sure of what to do...

I wanted to express something that I felt society ect feels is taboo. however other are easily offended.

How do I express my free will in a considerate way?? Or should i just not worry about the haters..?? I guess there will always be people who cant handel the truth of what oyour saying or try and sensor you , and restrict your point of view..

I had always felt I had to withhold my feelings and supress them. I know now not to but how do I express them without offendingf or disrespecting ??

I am just not sure..

I really dont understand disrespect from this perspective. i would think if you expressed from a loving creative way you cant disrespect others. 

Respect yourself man (or girl?), and if they don't respect you for it just shout them down like Tiber Septim himself - FOS RO DAH!!!
Edit - I have no idea why but I thought the fellow with the Skyrim avatar wrote that first post, no idea how I confused that, I guess I'm pretty tired lol, just ignore that stuff  

Anyway if you want to say or express something just do it, if someone get their ego hurt from it then better yet, they might hate you for it but you've actually helped them in the long run, weakened the walls of their prison  

Life is not about going around scared of offending people, life is about sharing in truth, this is just such a huge lie that we're all under, it's the fucking mind control itself. Needless to say it extremely difficult to break out from that's the challenge we all have to go through who are on a spiritual journey  

Edited March 1, 2016 by Keyblade Viking

[dystopia]

When you love and respect yourself, other people will too. Ask yourself why do you care to impress people so much? I recommend you watch Leo's video about not caring what people think, first of all. Others can sense you're insecure about yourself. Do you know why confident people can get others to follow them, even if they're huge assholes? Because they love themselves and are confident. It's human psychology. People subconciously assume that if you're confident & comfortable, you must have a good reason to be and they should like you.

The aggression you have about wanting to be yourself "and fuck you if you don't like me" tells me that you have been hurt by rejection. Let me tell you, aggression and defensiveness is not the best approach. 

Now everyone is different. There are going to be people who are less sensitive and people who are more. You can't control that. What you can do is be considerate. Put yourself in their shoes. As someone who fears rejection, don't you think you would be more apt to accept someone who treated you with respect?

You need to give respect to get respect. Start by respecting yourself. When you love yourself unconditionally, it's easier to be compassionate and deal with the faults of others. Self love does not equal arrogance or narcissism. You want to avoid any extremes.

Guess what, you're not that unique. No one has ever said "gee, I hope nobody likes or accepts me". Rejection is a universal fear. We all want love and acceptance anf it has to start within ourselves. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable. Become genuinely  confident. This will take a lot of inner work.

You will find that the people who allow you to talk to them bluntly and aggressively probably don't have much love or respect for themselves, either. You can still be honest but realoze that some things are better left unsaid. Don't look for conflict. Develop a way of speaking that does not demean others. Lay down your defenses, they harm you more than they help you.

[Will]

@shouldnt Its not that I care for there view or opinion of me . I care about there right to have there own view ..

I have no problem accepting others I guess sometimes i need to be more conscious of what does affect others and what does not... hard to do sometimes if you dont understand or know all the people around you.. i.e. wearing a shirt can offend some people..

[Will]

I think I have been using an opt out method whereas I should probably have an opt in method..

I dont think I should exspress my view to anyone.. I should just express myself outwards. but I should be conscious of who is around and keep my views to myself.. somehow I need to figure out how to find supporters in a neutral way. say for instance. bringing out a new product..

If people would like more then they can ask.

Its a matter of testing asnd calibrating to audience??

calibrating is quickly becoming a rather important value to me..

 

[Draconis Chaser]

@Will I am not quite sure I understood this last part:

21 hours ago, Will said:

I dont think I should exspress my view to anyone.. I should just express myself outwards. but I should be conscious of who is around and keep my views to myself.. somehow I need to figure out how to find supporters in a neutral way.

In my oppinion, you expressing your views is pretty much expressing yourself (note that not expressing something is also a form of expression). And like I said, I think you have every right to do so, but should be aware of the way those views are expressed.

I seriously can't think of anything being so potentionally offensive in this day and age that you would have to keep it to yourself. And likewise, if you are around people whose ego is so waek that they can't handle a different point of view... Well, should you even be around those people?

As far as support goes, there is a neat way to check how they feel about certain things, and that is to simply ask what that might be. When they give you their answer, you will know how to proceede from there and this is where consideration comes into play.

I'll try to explain this in an example:

Let's assume that you want to start a heavy metal band, and you live somewhere extremely conservative, like the Bible belt, or some small village or whatever such place. Now, your artistic preference is obviously going to be different than that of a majority.
Say you know a cool dude or a girl and you would want them to be in your band. You can ask directly "Do you want to be in my band" and risk the "Hell, no! That is abomination! You are an abomination, and I want nothing to do with that!", or you can ask them what sort of music do they listen, how they feel about loud music, have they ever listened to rock or metal? What about heavy metal? Hey, I have a band, would you like to join? 

See how that is different than going straight up. This gives you space to change topic of the conversation should you sense the "hell, naw" coming. No harm done. If they, however, say they think heavy metal is horrible, you are not in too deep to switch to something more pleasurable. You could say something along the lines of "Really? I quite like the rough sound and killer solos. How about classical rock?" 

And you are out. Obviously the band isn't happening, but you havent supressed any of your views by saying "Oh, yeah, it's horrible" and you havent been inconsiderate of them by saying "You are wrong and have no idea what you are talking about, metal is the music of Gods, That is what Thor listens to every day!"

I believe this is the safest and most productive way to talk to people whom we know nothing about, and we want to make sure nobody gets hurt.  

Hopefully this clears what I wanted to say all along.

 

          

 

[Draconis Chaser]

21 hours ago, Will said:

wearing a shirt can offend some people

Also, this reminded me of an incident that happened a while ago, when a young man was stabbed for wearing a shirt with a flag of his country on it.

If you are in a situation that is anything like this, and your life is potentially at risk, I'd say go with the flow.
You can't express yourself if you are dead...