How do you make friends?

[Charlotte]

I'm 27 and I literally have no friends. When I chose to start my own personal journey they all didn't like the choices I made and the person I was becoming (no drinking, partying, social media, materialistic lifestyle etc) so dropped me at the snap of their fingers. 

 

I have started Yoga hoping to meet like-minded people but unfortunately they are 40/50+.

 

I start my career in studying psychology in September (college) and hope to meet like-minded people but again this isn't guaranteed. 

 

How do you all find friends? I'd make an awesome best friend if I do say so myself but everyone (I've met so far) thinks/acts the same to everyone else, 'Follows the croud' let's say. 

 

My partner is my best friend but unfortunately he's a very low consiouss person and I can't resonate with him on a lot of levels. 

 

What do you all do? Just to clarify I'm not looking for a friend to share my journey with, it's my journey and I know only I can take it. I'm just speaking as a person that would love at least one friend. 

 

Edited February 6, 2018 by Charlotte
Grammar errors

[Shin]

If you really want to grow, be friends with those old people.

Hell, even date one since your actual partner is far from your values anyway.

If you grow and he doesn't, the break up is inevitable, so you might want to think about that before it gets too ugly.

Also go to a zen center, you may meet younger people there, maybe.

Sorry that's not what you want to hear, but I'm just not gonna lie by omission, even if it makes you mad.

Edited February 6, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

I respect your opinion @Shin , as always. These older people unfortunately are still too... How do I put it... Warped by culture/society. I'm happy to be friend's with people of the older generation. I get along with almost everybody. 

 

I'll definitely look up for a Zen center.

 

Why would I get mad? ??

[Seed]

@Charlotte - you sound so similar to me! Where are you from? 

[Shin]

16 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

I respect your opinion @Shin , as always. These older people unfortunately are still too... How do I put it... Warped by culture/society. I'm happy to be friend's with people of the older generation. I get along with almost everybody. 

 

I'll definitely look up for a Zen center.

 

Why would I get mad? ??

I told you to ditch your boyfriend.

99% of girls would be pretty mad 

You know, there are probably more «spiritual» people than we know, they just don't know about all of this.

So you don't need to seek «spiritual» friends, just people that are conscious enough.

You could also use social website (not dating), I don't know how it's named in your country, but it's basically a website where you can join or create an event where people can attend.

Then just meet people on event you're interested, at some point you should find someone you resonate with, or more ...

Edited February 6, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

12 minutes ago, Seed said:

@Charlotte - you sound so similar to me! Where are you from? 

From the UK @Seed you?

 

Well I'm the 1% that wouldn't get mad @Shin . I know he's making some sort of effort to conform to my way of living. He's willing to join me at a meditation retreat, he's willing to put some effort in, which I think is fair enough ?. At the end of the day if we don't work out, we don't work out, if we do, we do. I just can't speak to him about certain things yet but this is why I love this forum ?

[Elisabeth]

5 hours ago, Charlotte said:

When I chose to start my own personal journey they all didn't like the choices I made and the person I was becoming (no drinking, partying, social media, materialistic lifestyle etc) so dropped me at the snap of their fingers. 

 

I'd be asking... is it because they didn't like your lifestyle, or is it because you made their preferences look bad? Did you show compassion or contempt? If you'd like to meet some of these old friends, would you be willing to meet them at their level? (I'm obviously not telling you to drink, just... not judge.)

Maybe your growth was genuinely so quick that there's literally no-one from your old circles that you can meet in a pleasant way, but maybe there's something to improve in the way you relate. 

[Seed]

,

Edited February 6, 2018 by Seed

[Shin]

2 hours ago, Charlotte said:

From the UK @Seed you?

 

Well I'm the 1% that wouldn't get mad @Shin . I know he's making some sort of effort to conform to my way of living. He's willing to join me at a meditation retreat, he's willing to put some effort in, which I think is fair enough ?. At the end of the day if we don't work out, we don't work out, if we do, we do. I just can't speak to him about certain things yet but this is why I love this forum ?

Yeah I speak a lot in absolute, so never take what I said too literally ^ ^

[Charlotte]

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

I'd be asking... is it because they didn't like your lifestyle, or is it because you made their preferences look bad? Did you show compassion or contempt? If you'd like to meet some of these old friends, would you be willing to meet them at their level? (I'm obviously not telling you to drink, just... not judge.)

Maybe your growth was genuinely so quick that there's literally no-one from your old circles that you can meet in a pleasant way, but maybe there's something to improve in the way you relate. 

Honestly? No idea. I did try though. I'd probably guess because I made their preferences look bad but who knows ? clearly weren't the friends I though they was. No I didn't judge, what anybody chooses to do is their choice and I respect that, I just didn't receive the same respect back, constantly trying to pressure me etc. Claiming I was "no fun" anymore, well my idea of fun changed unfortunately. 

 

3 hours ago, Rinne said:

@Charlotte We could be friends. Im actually trying to look for a actualizing friend. Would you like to be friends? 

Thank you so much for the offer @Rinne yes. 

 

@Seed Is Warwickshire south? I'm North. Pm me if you wish : )

 

3 hours ago, Shin said:

Yeah I speak a lot in absolute, so never take what I said too literally ^ ^

You've lost me @Shin ?

 

 

Edited February 6, 2018 by Charlotte
Grammar errors

[Guest Mount Bananas]

@Charlotte

This thread could be of some assistance. I know that it helped me a lot. Made me more compassionate.

[Shin]

4 hours ago, Rinne said:

@Charlotte We could be friends. Im actually trying to look for a actualizing friend. Would you like to be friends? 

I think she look for friend that she can meet on a weekly basis, not online friendship.

[Rinne]

@Shin Im looking for anyone self actualizing lol online or offline. 

[Lynnel]

@Charlotte

We really need someone with a life purpose to connect like minded people and provide us actualized folks with growth friends. Maybe someone make an app ?

Honestly what worked for me is to look at agreability - I'm not the nicest person and I've done a lot of work on my very dense ego to be more relaxed and being able to connect with people more.

If you can't connect to people it doesn't matter who they are at all since there is no connection.

We all underestimate the amount of work we have to do on yourself and are way to quick to blame it on other people and how *they* are not compatible with us, etc. I clearly looked at myself and what I could bring to the table and went from there and I'm still exploring how to actually build friendships and different connections. It's a mix of simplicity/authenticity and work which can get quite complicated.

You've most likely heard of the law of attraction you get what you are - blaming your low partner for low consciousness is a very obvious self deception - I'm using all the time too don't worry - notice how it prevents you from noticing low consciousness in yourself.

[Charlotte]

8 hours ago, Mount Bananas said:

@Charlotte

This thread could be of some assistance. I know that it helped me a lot. Made me more compassionate.

Thanks for the link @Mount Bananas appreciate that read. Thing is though, they bitched and gossiped and criticised and I just didn't want to be a part of that, they were toxic. I can definitely see past low consciousness behaviour, I understand WHY people choose to do that, to them, there is no other way. 

 

8 hours ago, Lynnel said:

@Charlotte

We really need someone with a life purpose to connect like minded people and provide us actualized folks with growth friends. Maybe someone make an app ?

Honestly what worked for me is to look at agreability - I'm not the nicest person and I've done a lot of work on my very dense ego to be more relaxed and being able to connect with people more.

If you can't connect to people it doesn't matter who they are at all since there is no connection.

We all underestimate the amount of work we have to do on yourself and are way to quick to blame it on other people and how *they* are not compatible with us, etc. I clearly looked at myself and what I could bring to the table and went from there and I'm still exploring how to actually build friendships and different connections. It's a mix of simplicity/authenticity and work which can get quite complicated.

You've most likely heard of the law of attraction you get what you are - blaming your low partner for low consciousness is a very obvious self deception - I'm using all the time too don't worry - notice how it prevents you from noticing low consciousness in yourself.

I totally agree. 

[Elisabeth]

I remember reading somewhere (not sure about the source) about how friendships originate from repeated spending time together. That's why it's easy to make friends in school and hobbies, and hard at one-time events: the sympathies just don't stick. This also means, that no matter where you try to make friends, it will unfortunately take some time.

I think you have to just follow some of those new passions of yours and have trust that it will play out. School. Meditation group. Book club. Whatever is your thing. Go there for the activity, and slowly you'll also start to like the people. Or let people invite you to different activities and stick where you feel good in the group. Although the age-gap is a beast, I agree.

Let me see. I'm likely not quite as out of the ordinary way of life as you, on the other hand, I never liked drinking and partying in the first place. I found some self-actualizing people at science-fiction conventions (the writers, not the gamers). I met a lot of them at tantra, but there was the 40+ problem. I found some pretty cool people among the shibari community (although it has been a little difficult to come close, because everyone including me has got these busy lifestyles). I'm also part of a band that makes tolkien-inspired songs - I wouldn't call these people necessarily self-actualizing, but the activities we do are not low-consciousness.

I'm saying this to show that it's not so hard to find some middle-ground between drinking and partying and hardcore self-actualization and the opportunities are very diverse; but it does take time to be firmly rooted in such groups, for me, years in fact.

Edited February 7, 2018 by Elisabeth

[Shin]

10 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

I remember reading somewhere (not sure about the source) about how friendships originate from repeated spending time together. That's why it's easy to make friends in school and hobbies, and hard at one-time events: the sympathies just don't stick. This also means, that no matter where you try to make friends, it will unfortunately take some time.

I think you have to just follow some of those new passions of yours and have trust that it will play out. School. Meditation group. Book club. Whatever is your thing. Go there for the activity, and slowly you'll also start to like the people. Or let people invite you to different activities and stick where you feel good in the group. Although the age-gap is a beast, I agree.

Let me see. I'm likely not quite as out of the ordinary way of life as you, on the other hand, I never liked drinking and partying in the first place. I found some self-actualizing people at science-fiction conventions (the writers, not the gamers). I met a lot of them at tantra, but there was the 40+ problem. I found some pretty cool people among the shibari community (although it has been a little difficult to come close, because everyone including me has got these busy lifestyles). I'm also part of a band that makes tolkien-inspired songs - I wouldn't call these people necessarily self-actualizing, but the activities we do are not low-consciousness.

I'm saying this to show that it's not so hard to find some middle-ground between drinking and partying and hardcore self-actualization and the opportunities are very diverse; but it does take time to be firmly rooted in such groups, for me, years in fact.

Just googled Shibari, well, I guess I'm in for a long jogging 

[Elisabeth]

3 hours ago, Shin said:

Just googled Shibari, well, I guess I'm in for a long jogging 

Yeah, I'm doing discreet advertisement, lol  

Glad to hear you're out of your funk. At least you know that's for real... well... the photos tend to be rather fake actually  

 

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Yeah, I'm doing discreet advertisement, lol  

Glad to hear you're out of your funk. At least you know that's for real... well... the photos tend to be rather fake actually  

 

I knew it existed (the term I didn't), I even saw porn about it, I just didn't want to see that kind of pictures right now ^^

Edited February 7, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

4 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

I remember reading somewhere (not sure about the source) about how friendships originate from repeated spending time together. That's why it's easy to make friends in school and hobbies, and hard at one-time events: the sympathies just don't stick. This also means, that no matter where you try to make friends, it will unfortunately take some time.

I think you have to just follow some of those new passions of yours and have trust that it will play out. School. Meditation group. Book club. Whatever is your thing. Go there for the activity, and slowly you'll also start to like the people. Or let people invite you to different activities and stick where you feel good in the group. Although the age-gap is a beast, I agree.

Let me see. I'm likely not quite as out of the ordinary way of life as you, on the other hand, I never liked drinking and partying in the first place. I found some self-actualizing people at science-fiction conventions (the writers, not the gamers). I met a lot of them at tantra, but there was the 40+ problem. I found some pretty cool people among the shibari community (although it has been a little difficult to come close, because everyone including me has got these busy lifestyles). I'm also part of a band that makes tolkien-inspired songs - I wouldn't call these people necessarily self-actualizing, but the activities we do are not low-consciousness.

I'm saying this to show that it's not so hard to find some middle-ground between drinking and partying and hardcore self-actualization and the opportunities are very diverse; but it does take time to be firmly rooted in such groups, for me, years in fact.

Thanks for your advice and tips @Elisabeth I think what your basically saying is (and correct me if I've wrong) is go to such activities and have patience? Also don't get me wrong, I'm able to go into bar's etc it's just I choose not to drink. It takes someone with understanding to not apply pressure, understand and respect my choices, not someone that will try and take me down the wrong path. 

 

Thanks again ❤️