Girlfriends friend hitting on her

[Santiago]

Hi all!

I've been dating a girl for 3 months now, we both work at the same place, and she is friends with one of our coworkers. He knows we date, he is the only one at work that knows because she told him.
 

This guy is well known for being desperate for girls(bad rep for him luckly), and when we have lunch he talks a lot about his dating experiences(failures too) and is open to even talk about sexual stuff, even when she is around. She is the only girl at the table so she is like one dude more since she is also comfortable joking about sex and that kind of stuff.

 

All that is fine but this guy(friend of her) texts her consistently and calls her cute (I don't know if this is the accurate translation to english, but it's something you say to a girl you are hitting on), and a few days ago she showed me some messages and I saw he sent her a kissing emoji(the face throwing a kiss with a heart and winking). So she is not hiding this from me.

Now she is about to start studying english, and also going to a sports club together with him.. it seems like he would do anything to spend time with her...

 

I am uncomfortable with this situation, she told me some time ago about him calling her "cute" and that she asked him to stop that, but he told her he did it with all the girls and it wasn't hitting on her, so he keeps doing it anyway... I don't like the situation, he obviously wants to get in her pants.

What should I do? tell her that this makes me uncomfortable?

Some time ago I told her, but she just minimizes it and reinforces the idea that he is desperate for any girl(she doesn't like guys like that as far as she has told me before) and unattractive(which is true) and so she laughs it off.. but it still bothers me...

 

Should i Talk with her or just ignore this?

[Shin]

You either tell her to stop seeing him by telling her that you will break up with her if she continue to do so

Or you stop complaining entirely.

[Elisabeth]

You trust your girlfriend to maintain her own boundaries and not let him into her pants. She's told you that there's nothing to fear. 

You can ask her if she needs help with him calling her names she doesn't appreciate, and if she sais yes, you could tell him a few words. Since she told him to stop and he didn't, he's basically harassing her. 

If she doesn't want help, back to point one. You trust her to handle her own relationships. 

[Spiral]

You could just talk to him, if he is annoying your girl.

What you mean by dating? Are you a couple or did you just meet and as of now can't be unfaithful?

Edited February 5, 2018 by Spiral

[Santiago]

1 hour ago, Elisabeth said:

You trust your girlfriend to maintain her own boundaries and not let him into her pants. She's told you that there's nothing to fear. 

You can ask her if she needs help with him calling her names she doesn't appreciate, and if she sais yes, you could tell him a few words. Since she told him to stop and he didn't, he's basically harassing her. 

If she doesn't want help, back to point one. You trust her to handle her own relationships. 

But it doesnt look like she knows how to keep boundaries since he still calls her cute and i saw that emoji when she opened the chat in front of me... So if i saw that only looking at the last 3 messages i wonder what other things he tells her and she is allowing...

 

Makes me think she is not that uncomfortable with being "harassed", despite of her telling me she didnt like when he called her cute a month ago.

 

And now she will be spending more time with him... So yeah it probably doesnt bother her..

[Santiago]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

You either tell her to stop seeing him by telling her that you will break up with her if she continue to do so

Or you stop complaining entirely.

Mmh i will explore if there are other options, but yeah they are definitely options to consider.

[Shin]

She is so testing you lol

Show her who's the boss, give her a good spank

 

[aurum]

@Santiago

You don't want to be jealous. Jealousy is only likely to make her want to see that guy more.

But you do have to have personal boundaries, whatever that means for you. And if she crosses them, she's done. Break it off.

 

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Santiago  What does "dating" mean where you live?

Are you a couple or f**kbuddies?

 

In Sweden it would be FB and as such you got no claim to exclusivity.

 

If you are a couple, she is about to cheat on you.

It is not your responsibility to tell a girl that she is hurting you. That is obvious that she does.

 

You have to decide if you want her as a FB or to leave.

It is a good thing, that you this early got to see her personality and values.

As a rule, people seems to have a limit of 3 month before they drop their mask.

 

Also, a good tip would be to consider your "competition"......how do you value yourself in comparasion? There can be something to learn (mostley if he is better than you).

 

I would take the romantic loss and keep looking. And ofcourse I got needs, so I would bump ugly with her till I found love or just got fed up with her.

When I think about it....I would usually dump her way before I found somebody else to try with. That way she would be completely flushed out of my system and I be fresh again.

 

Good luck kissing the frogs!

 

 

[Santiago]

On 5/2/2018 at 4:17 PM, Spiral said:

 

On 5/2/2018 at 4:17 PM, Spiral said:

You could just talk to him, if he is annoying your girl.

What you mean by dating? Are you a couple or did you just meet and as of now can't be unfaithful?

She is my girlfriend, we are supposed to be exclusive.

The thing that somewhat bothers me is that she isnt annoyed.. as far as i know (she has told me) she told him one or two times to stop calling her cute, but he insisted he did it with girls all the time and it wasnt in a "hitting on you" way... Looks like he got away with that.

And the kissing+winking+hearts emoji who knows, id like to know the context of that conversation and how she responded.. and id also like to know what other things he sends her and she is ok with.

[Santiago]

21 hours ago, aurum said:

@Santiago

You don't want to be jealous. Jealousy is only likely to make her want to see that guy more.

But you do have to have personal boundaries, whatever that means for you. And if she crosses them, she's done. Break it off.

 

Yeah i am hesitating to bring this up with her because it could be bad for the relationship..

Mi personal boundaries are that she shouldnt be flirting with him, but if its only him sending her this things and she just ignoring thats almost fine with me.. the problem is that  i just cant understand how she isnt uncomfortable with the situation...

If it was vice versa id tell the girl who is flirting with me to please stop it because we are only friends and that could bring problems to my relationship with my girlfriend. Id also feel uncomfortable with those flirty messages even if she said it meant nothing flirty..

Edited February 6, 2018 by Santiago

[alyra]

tell her you don't trust this guy. tell her his behavior sets off red flags for you. not sure if that phrase "sets off red flags" is something that is used outside of America I think it's from sports talk.... but tell her that what he's doing you see as signals of unsympathetic flirting that shows he does not respect her boundaries. 

[alyra]

On 2/5/2018 at 3:19 PM, Santiago said:

 

And now she will be spending more time with him... So yeah it probably doesnt bother her..

why not ask? some time say, "hey I think your friend's behavior is inappropriate... does it bother you? I'm a little worried. but if it doesn't bother you, i trust you"

Edited February 6, 2018 by alyra

[Barbarian Number 8]

Leo got some great clips about wanting reality to be what it not is.

[Shin]

There is so many girls out there, you don't need her specifically.

Just dump her if she continue to see him after you were very clear you don't like it.

From what you've said she could already cheating on you, she just is very good at making this casual, so casual that she tells you about it right in front of your face.