Sensitive soul

[Charlotte]

I'm a sensitive person, always have been. I really feel pain when I'm hurt, I have so much compassion and love to give people/earth/nature/animals. I cry at a beautiful view, the sky, stars or the sunrise or setting. I truly feel all emotions.

 

Thing is, when this comes to conversing, I can take things waaaay out of proportion, take things the wrong way, personal etc. 

 

I don't want to be the kind of person that blows things out of proportion. My other half told me to "Man up". This (I think) is my nature though.

How do I change this? Not the love and compassion because I always act from a place of love but more the 'hurt my feelings side'...

 

Throw some wisdom at me guy's ❤️

[Faceless]

If there is this reaction of pain, hurt, and the compulsion to escape that can there be Love/compassion???

These are manifestations of the self. This pain, hurt, suffering, and compulsions to change those facts of “what is actually happening” to what “the you” wants instead, “to bring about psychological security” is the very reason for this conflict. 

Learn about the self/thought. That would be a start. 

Edited February 5, 2018 by Faceless

[SOUL]

It really is as simple as you suggest, 'taking things personal' is using that natural passion you have for the beauty of life and instead making possessive about self.

A simple practice would be to observe the inner life as you go through every day, watch how the egoic mind will instigate thoughts or stir emotions to influence in 'taking it personal'. Being aware of these initial impulses in us creates the opportunity for us to not reflexively agree with it, if we aren't aware of when it initially moves in us we may unconsciously endorse it so empower that identification with the emotional impulse.

This way when we find ourselves in more heightened emotional interactions there is already a practiced self aware observation that can allow it not be blown 'out of proportion' in the mind so not be reacting in behavior. We can still feel the emotions without necessarily making it into more than it really is.

Does this make any sense?

 

[Patang]

@Charlotte when an emotion arises, when the drama begins, just stay calm, get down from the "drama stage" and watch your thoughts and feelings from a distance. when you dis-identify from those, you can respond the way you find appropriate.

[YaNanNallari]

Feeling the feeling but not thinking about it or thinking the thoughts that come with it is something that's always a decent thing. This will make you hold onto emotions less or it will expose to you how you hold on, and after a while you will see how it's not beneficial. If you stop thinking then you might have negative emotions surface, but those will pass and you do not have to identify with for example angry thoughts and ideas. They are just happening and you're not choosing them.

Being "overdramatic" or "triggered" can often be a ego defense mechanism. Sometimes you might notice that even if you're hurt and even taught to be hurt when someone does something "totally dramatic" you might actually not care that much. And indeed not holding on to the emotion of being very personally or in a drama queen like hurt is important. Then you have to be honest with yourself and see if you actually care about it. If you don't, then it is good to see that it might not be worth it to argue with that person who isn't interested in developing themselves anyway. If you are actually hurt, then you just need to give yourself some love.

So the next time you can recognize how it feels like you're oh so dramatically hurt (and not deeply) you can see how you try to hold onto the feeling of hurt and see how it doesn't actually take you anywhere. It's surprisingly underwhelming, but that's fine cause there are other great things once you let go. With some people who are "feminists" etc they might have a mix of these two, deeply hurt but covering it with holding onto a feeling of righteousness or justice. 

[pluto]

You have subscribed to the ideology of you being sensitive. I used to think this way too and i am the same but you just have to learn to balance your energies because its not actually a curse its a blessing because you are not actually sensitive you are just more aware, your senses are higher and you are more connected to natural/universal energetic vibrations than others.

Being Sensitive is not really a thing, its more an illusion we subscribe too if you ask me. Awareness/Alignment is the more appropriate way to look at it.

[Charlotte]

14 hours ago, SOUL said:

It really is as simple as you suggest, 'taking things personal' is using that natural passion you have for the beauty of life and instead making possessive about self.

A simple practice would be to observe the inner life as you go through every day, watch how the egoic mind will instigate thoughts or stir emotions to influence in 'taking it personal'. Being aware of these initial impulses in us creates the opportunity for us to not reflexively agree with it, if we aren't aware of when it initially moves in us we may unconsciously endorse it so empower that identification with the emotional impulse.

This way when we find ourselves in more heightened emotional interactions there is already a practiced self aware observation that can allow it not be blown 'out of proportion' in the mind so not be reacting in behavior. We can still feel the emotions without necessarily making it into more than it really is.

Does this make any sense?

 

Yes completely! I understand, thank you ❤️

 

14 hours ago, Patang said:

@Charlotte when an emotion arises, when the drama begins, just stay calm, get down from the "drama stage" and watch your thoughts and feelings from a distance. when you dis-identify from those, you can respond the way you find appropriate.

I keep forgetting! Not all the time but I have definitely definitely become more self aware over the past few months. It happens for instance when something BIG is said, it offends the ego, I then get sucked in like a puppet. I will keep practicing. Thank you. 

13 hours ago, YaNanNallari said:

Feeling the feeling but not thinking about it or thinking the thoughts that come with it is something that's always a decent thing. This will make you hold onto emotions less or it will expose to you how you hold on, and after a while you will see how it's not beneficial. If you stop thinking then you might have negative emotions surface, but those will pass and you do not have to identify with for example angry thoughts and ideas. They are just happening and you're not choosing them.

Being "overdramatic" or "triggered" can often be a ego defense mechanism. Sometimes you might notice that even if you're hurt and even taught to be hurt when someone does something "totally dramatic" you might actually not care that much. And indeed not holding on to the emotion of being very personally or in a drama queen like hurt is important. Then you have to be honest with yourself and see if you actually care about it. If you don't, then it is good to see that it might not be worth it to argue with that person who isn't interested in developing themselves anyway. If you are actually hurt, then you just need to give yourself some love.

So the next time you can recognize how it feels like you're oh so dramatically hurt (and not deeply) you can see how you try to hold onto the feeling of hurt and see how it doesn't actually take you anywhere. It's surprisingly underwhelming, but that's fine cause there are other great things once you let go. With some people who are "feminists" etc they might have a mix of these two, deeply hurt but covering it with holding onto a feeling of righteousness or justice. 

I completely understand what your saying, I'll call this 'surface level hurt' just got arguments sake, I do actually know that this type of 'hurt' is just something that has offended the ego, I'm STILL identifying TOO much with the ego, clearly. I need to do some more self enquiry work and stop taking the self to seriously ?. Thank you ❤️

 

5 hours ago, pluto said:

You have subscribed to the ideology of you being sensitive. I used to think this way too and i am the same but you just have to learn to balance your energies because its not actually a curse its a blessing because you are not actually sensitive you are just more aware, your senses are higher and you are more connected to natural/universal energetic vibrations than others.

Being Sensitive is not really a thing, its more an illusion we subscribe too if you ask me. Awareness/Alignment is the more appropriate way to look at it.

Explain a little more please @pluto if you don't mind ❤️

 

15 hours ago, Faceless said:

If there is this reaction of pain, hurt, and the compulsion to escape that can there be Love/compassion???

These are manifestations of the self. This pain, hurt, suffering, and compulsions to change those facts of “what is actually happening” to what “the you” wants instead, “to bring about psychological security” is the very reason for this conflict. 

Learn about the self/thought. That would be a start. 

I'm not fully understanding your explanation @Faceless could you please elaborate a little more if you don't mind ❤️

[Leo Gura]

@Charlotte Sounds like Matt Kahn is your savior.

[Charlotte]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Charlotte Sounds like Matt Kahn is your savior.

Why's that @Leo Gura?

[Shin]

Just now, Charlotte said:

Why's that @Leo Gura?

He's a teacher that speaks from a place of pure love, way more than most teacher.

[Joseph Maynor]

8 minutes ago, Shin said:

He's a teacher that speaks from a place of pure love, way more than most teacher.

Actually, people are attracted to people who embody their shadow traits.  It's kind of counter-intuitive like that.  That's why you get the opposites-attract phenomenon.  The goody-goody girl who is attracted to the piece of sh*t guy, right?  That's an application of the principle.  But the principle is more hinged on shadow than on that example, which most people know about.  It's a broader law of self-integration that is going on.  The shadow is always trying to be loved, accepted, and re-integrated into your reality.  Loving those traits in another person is the shadow's attempt to get you to love them in yourself too.  Two know-it-alls do not jive, they are too similar.  The know-it-all needed the opposite personality.  The humble, loving person haha.  See?

Video on point to watch:

 

Edited February 7, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

He's a teacher that speaks from a place of pure love, way more than most teacher.

I'll check him out @Shin thank you. 

 

@Joseph Maynor what's shadow work got to do with my op? Sorry, I feel I'm missing your point. 

 

Edit: I'd love to do shadow work but have absolutely no idea where l start

Edited February 7, 2018 by Charlotte
Added content

[Shin]

35 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

I'll check him out @Shin thank you. 

 

@Joseph Maynor what's shadow work got to do with my op? Sorry, I feel I'm missing your point. 

 

Edit: I'd love to do shadow work but have absolutely no idea where l start

Check my signature.

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

Check my signature.

*Looks for reading glasses* 

Cheers bud.

 

Have you done shadow work @Shin? I'd love to hear your experiences...

How it helped you, what you discovered, ways it positively and negatively impacted you etc?

[Shin]

36 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

*Looks for reading glasses* 

Cheers bud.

 

Have you done shadow work @Shin? I'd love to hear your experiences...

How it helped you, what you discovered, ways it positively and negatively impacted you etc?

You basically go down very deep in you and find your hidden fears and face them in your mind, again and again until the fear dissolves.

Well it dissolves in your mind but in practice you will still fear it at some level.

For example one of my fear is to be in an open relationship, and even though it doesn't makes me feel bad when I think about it, I'm pretty sure that when I'll actually do it, there will be plenty of fear.

So you'll get almost never triggered when you talk about those fears, which is good because it means that in lot of situations you'll act more consciously, without being a reaction robot.

 

@Charlotte

Everytime you get triggered, note the situation with some key words to remember what was the discussion or event.

Then when you are calm enough and have some time, you force yourself to realize what is the problem there, and imagine a situation where you live that.

Edited February 7, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

11 minutes ago, Shin said:

You basically go down very deep in you and find your hidden fears and face them in your mind, again and again until the fear dissolves.

Well it dissolves in your mind but in practice you will still fear it at some level.

For example one of my fear is to be in an open relationship, and even though it doesn't makes me feel bad when I think about it, I'm pretty sure that when I'll actually do it, there will be plenty of fear.

So you'll get almost never triggered when you talk about those fears, which is good because it means that in lot of situations you'll act more consciously, without being a reaction robot.

Riiiiight right I get I get it. To be honest this is exactly what I've been looking to do, that kind of work you've mentioned. I have a desire and an urge to stare my biggest fears in the face, get to know my self better, be more authentic and not to live as my emotions little bitch. 

 

Do you actually long to be an open relationship? Or is it just something you'd like to overcome because you fear it? (Just curious). 

 

Well, I've printed all the information off from your link (I mean business when the printer comes out ?) and I'll be starting this work, alongside the high intensity CBT I've been offered for my insecurities (I don't know if you remember my post a while back on my OCD thinking) and hopefully I'll make some substantial progress. 

 

Thanks so much ❤️

[Shin]

Quote

Do you actually long to be an open relationship? Or is it just something you'd like to overcome because you fear it? (Just curious).

 

@Charlotte I don't know, that's precisely why I'm doing shadow work on that.
I don't want to limit myself and others out of fear by bullshitting myself.

Probably not the case, but until it does not trigger me at all when I think deeply about it, and when I actually talk about it with the gf, then there is no real decision you can make, because if there is fear the decision/preference is biased.

Don't go too far too quick though, start a session of 30 minutes every week, that's already pretty intense if you do it right with a fear that really holds you back.

Edited February 7, 2018 by Shin

[Charlotte]

16 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

@Charlotte I don't know, that's precisely why I'm doing shadow work on that.
I don't want to limit myself and others out of fear by bullshitting myself.

Probably not the case, but until it does not trigger me at all when I think deeply about it, and when I actually talk about it with the gf, then there is no real decision you can make, because if there is fear the decision/preference is biased.

Don't go too far too quick though, start a session of 30 minutes every week, that's already pretty intense if you do it right with a fear that really holds you back.

51 minutes ago, Shin said:

(Sorry ignore that second ⬆️ quote box, don't know how to get rid of it ?)

 

Aaaaaah, I understand now fully what you mean ?. Well that's fair enough. 

 

No worries, I'll take it easy, thanks for the heads up and thanks for your time and help. (Hope your feeling better following on from yesterday's "Help" thread you posted). 

[Shin]

5 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

(Sorry ignore that second ⬆️ quote box, don't know how to get rid of it ?)

 

Aaaaaah, I understand now fully what you mean ?. Well that's fair enough. 

 

No worries, I'll take it easy, thanks for the heads up and thanks for your time and help. (Hope your feeling better following on from yesterday's "Help" thread you posted). 

lol It still doesn't feel like you really exist, just like the people I saw this morning and even my mom.

But I'm still helping you 

[Charlotte]

16 minutes ago, Shin said:

lol It still doesn't feel like you really exist, just like the people I saw this morning and even my mom.

But I'm still helping you 

I have to admit, I took what you said in other thread completely wrong and then it clicked. Once again I took something personal, quite embarrassed to be honest ?but never mind that 

Is this why you feel your having a depressive episode?