All our problems have been created out of boredom (frame analogy)

[Kimasxi]

Hey, guys! Everyone enlightened probably has his metaphore that convinced him to see stuff in a different light. So, here's mine…

Imagine a bully telling another kid such a sentence to make him upset:
— You are fat and ugly. 

The bully has set the frame. It presuposes two roles:
A) the kid agrees with the bully and because he believes being fat and ugly has negative repercussions (he is unlovable etc.) he starts feeling negative emotions. 
B) the kid doesn't want it to be true by any chance so he feels compulsion to prove he's not ugly or fat (yet he's still in the bully's frame)

What the kid should do instead is not to buy into the frame at all, and for example impose his own frame, like saying some totally illogical nonsense as a response (the new frame is now "everything is said here does not really mean anything"). 

You can see some examples of frame battles here: 

The point is: what is the difference between the kid's buying into the bully's frame and your standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself "I am fat" ?

Basically, we are constantly selling ourselves on our negative frames, which we fall into without any questioning. It's a game! It has two roles, if you decide to play the game you must play one of the roles. No surprise you feel negative! But it is your decision to feel negative. Why can't we see it? 

Because it's like a programmable washing machine. You only have control at the beginning when the frame is being created by your mind. Once programmed, you cannot stop the machine. Yet all the advice always draws our attention to the moment when the machine is already operating and the advice sounds as if we had to use will power to stop the emotions. It seems impossible then! But it's a choice many steps earlier.

So we are playing many games we create for ourselves: plays of "shoulds", plays of "prove it!", "save me!", but also "good parent", "passion", "business" etc. (actually, let's create a list of examples and let's name them!). But why do we create them in the first place?

My realization today was that I created many "problems" cause otherwise I would be really fuckin bored!
For example I wanted to have a goal to achieve so that I could feel proud I have overcome some obstacles. I wanted to be my superhero. So I set a standard for myself that was incredibly difficult to meet, so then I was miserable for falling short of my expectations. But if I didn't have that goal, my life wouldn't have any meaning… 

We like feeling certain emotions but life is mundane and boring, so we accentuate certain things to elicit stronger emotions, just like when we listen to a moving music and we want to enhance the emotional impact it has on us by adding more meaning, more associations, memories to the music. 

I think that once the machine is going, we can only reframe what is happening (which is difficult cause we get addicted to thoughts and emotions). 
First we need to recognize the frame, so now our daily practise should be recognizing and naming as many frames as possible.


Let's start a list of frames and break them down.

SHOULD / SHOULDN'T 

Whenever I hear "should" or "shouldn't" let the frame alert go off. There is no such thing as "I should" or "I shouldn't". Each time you hear it, ask yourself these questions:
— By who's standards (and what that person is going to get if you meet them)
— Does meeting these standards benefit me too, or only the other person?
— Is there any threat behind not meeting these standards? Am I being manipulated / controlled / blackmailed?
— Is there any other way I can get the same reward from buying into the frame?

And perhaps some more. If you have any ideas, please share and I will add them to these three.

Edited February 4, 2018 by Kimasxi

[SpaceCowboy]

Thanks for the input! Makes sense to me and I could recognize myself in your elaboration. Definitely want to watch out more for negative frames in the future!

[Kimasxi]

On 4.02.2018 at 1:31 PM, SpaceCowboy said:

Thanks for the input! Makes sense to me and I could recognize myself in your elaboration. Definitely want to watch out more for negative frames in the future!

I don't know yet cause I haven't been triggered since I got this, but it may be more difficult to deactivate some strong negative frames when they happen. I noticed though that it is easy to do when you are in a non-threatening environment, with emotions that are positive. When you listen to you the music that moves you, you may just decide to observe how you want to get emotional and then decide you're not buying into this frame, and just relax your face and become indifferent. As a form of practise.

I tried to observe this way  a frame of buying crisps - I had an automatical pattern of thoughts - I saw a pack of crisps → I immediately imagined their taste and the way they make me feel when I eat them at home while watching someting. And I tried to stop their frame, by actually noticing there is no smell or taste yet, that it was just a frame. I still decided to buy them and eat them. What is important is to notice that there are actually decisions. Leo made a video once about observing habits, where he recommended mindfulness too.