I don't know how to reply and react in a conversation,

[John Iverson]

My problem is i'm scared that my reply is always the same that and I'm gonna be boring for that... is there a book tht can i read ? Or can someone advice me for this problem.. help

[Cjaryo]

I think we are similar in this sense. I think both of us have a lot to say, but don't know how to bring it up in conversation. What I'm doing to get more comfortable with this is just speaking in public more, and "wearing my heart on my sleeve" (being upfront with my beliefs). If it's also the case that you just don't know what your interests are, then cultivate them.

[Pallero]

Boring is cool. Reframe your fear of being boring and you'll be fine. Why is boring bad?

[John Iverson]

5 hours ago, K VIL said:

You can do more stuff that you love so that you'll always have something new to say.

You can talk about the books you read. I know you read a lot!

You can allow people to see you as boring. it's ok, really!

You can listen more than you talk. People like that.

I will take this haha thankyou

[John Iverson]

4 hours ago, Cjaryo said:

I think we are similar in this sense. I think both of us have a lot to say, but don't know how to bring it up in conversation. What I'm doing to get more comfortable with this is just speaking in public more, and "wearing my heart on my sleeve" (being upfront with my beliefs). If it's also the case that you just don't know what your interests are, then cultivate them.

Thanks

[John Iverson]

4 hours ago, Pallero said:

Boring is cool. Reframe your fear of being boring and you'll be fine. Why is boring bad?

I have the fear of  the reaction of my word to a conversation is always the same and the one I'm talking to gets bored 

[WaterfallMachine]

Yes, I had this problem too and I still can get anxious about it at times.

What helps me is to practice just allowing my ideas to flow. I often hesitate on just finding the "right" piece of words to say, but conversation at its heart is a trial and error process. If it's interesting, you can continue. If it's uninteresting, you can just hop onto the next topic. I know that's easier said than done, but being able to jump in and "Just do it" is something essential.

Boring and fun is subjective. It may be boring to hear about advanced physics for most people, but in a party of scientists, it might be really interesting to them. No one will be interesting all the time, but that also means no one is boring all the time. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. I bet you can find someone who finds "you" interesting. 

Though, to be more interesting in general, you can leave unnecessary details in a story or topic. Use more interesting analogies or use sensory words that allow whoever's listening to be more involved in what you say. Maybe find something new to learn that you can talk about with someone.

Edited February 4, 2018 by WaterfallMachine

[Slade]

@John Iverson I heard the book “how to win friends and influence people” is good for stuff like this. The more you practice socializing the better you’ll get too. Something I do that really helps me to connect with people is laugh and smile a lot. People love to be around other happy people so if you come off that way they’ll like you. 

[John Iverson]

17 minutes ago, WaterfallMachine said:

Yes, I had this problem too and I still can get anxious about it at times.

What helps me is to practice just allowing my ideas to flow. I often hesitate on just finding the "right" piece of words to say, but conversation at its heart is a trial and error process. If it's interesting, you can continue. If it's uninteresting, you can just hop onto the next topic. I know that's easier said than done, but being able to jump in and "Just do it" is something essential.

Boring and fun is subjective. It may be boring to hear about advanced physics for most people, but in a party of scientists, it might be really interesting to them. No one will be interesting all the time, but that also means no one is boring all the time. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. I bet you can find someone who finds "you" interesting. 

Though, to be more interesting in general, you can leave unnecessary details in a story or topic. Use more interesting analogies or use sensory words that allow whoever's listening to be more involved in what you say. Maybe find something new to learn that you can talk about with someone.

Thankyou

[John Iverson]

12 minutes ago, Slade said:

@John Iverson I heard the book “how to win friends and influence people” is good for stuff like this. The more you practice socializing the better you’ll get too. Something I do that really helps me to connect with people is laugh and smile a lot. People love to be around other happy people so if you come off that way they’ll like you. 

Okay i will practice socializing moree and i will buy that book as soon as possible

[YellowButterfly]

I used to be like this for a long time. I just came to a point of understanding that being afraid of if what I was gonna say would be boring or if I would say the wrong thing was holding me back and making it not just difficult to communicate but caused me to be very tense. Not so much around family, friends or casual situations but to bosses, coworkers, public speaking and whatnot. I finally understood that for me the problem was the fear corking what I wanted to say so I started just naturally saying what bubbled up rather than trying to hold it back. As well as not being as concerned about what others thought. Turns out not much of what I was afraid of was as scary as it seemed in hindsight.

[pluto]

Be yourself, who cares

[John Iverson]

2 hours ago, YellowButterfly said:

I used to be like this for a long time. I just came to a point of understanding that being afraid of if what I was gonna say would be boring or if I would say the wrong thing was holding me back and making it not just difficult to communicate but caused me to be very tense. Not so much around family, friends or casual situations but to bosses, coworkers, public speaking and whatnot. I finally understood that for me the problem was the fear corking what I wanted to say so I started just naturally saying what bubbled up rather than trying to hold it back. As well as not being as concerned about what others thought. Turns out not much of what I was afraid of was as scary as it seemed in hindsight.

To be like this is so difficult  how are you now? 

[YellowButterfly]

How am I now? Much more outgoing and chill t.b.h. though it wasn't easy at first. It can be difficult to overcome that kind of fear, but it just took time, baby steps and challenging myself little bit by little bit. Like a prior post said I just became more concerned about being me and not caring anymore. Though it might be difficult it is possible.

Edited February 4, 2018 by YellowButterfly

[Salvijus]

I like that you're honest about not being able to be relaxed and spontainious in conversations. Other people just pump themselves with confidences and do all kinds of stupid things. 

Conversations are like art. You have to be completly in the moment, spontainious, at ease, empty minded, improvisational, expressive. Not full of techniques, and a list of prepered jokes and stories in your poket.

Meditation is The nr. 1 solution.

If you stay honest about your problem, you will overcome it.

[John Iverson]

On 2/7/2018 at 0:21 AM, Salvijus said:

I like that you're honest about not being able to be relaxed and spontainious in conversations. Other people just pump themselves with confidences and do all kinds of stupid things. 

Conversations are like art. You have to be completly in the moment, spontainious, at ease, empty minded, improvisational, expressive. Not full of techniques, and a list of prepered jokes and stories in your poket.

Meditation is The nr. 1 solution.

If you stay honest about your problem, you will overcome it.

I'm honest here to admit this because i want to learn .. if i'm always pretentious how can i improve myself... so yea haha thankyou for the appriciation

[Vingger]

don't knowing how and being cool with it is the best you can do,
the thing is you have an unique way but it does not gonna be flowing if you expect to fulfill others

[Psyche_92]

On 2-2-2018 at 11:14 AM, John Iverson said:

My problem is i'm scared that my reply is always the same that and I'm gonna be boring for that... is there a book tht can i read ? Or can someone advice me for this problem.. help

The key is to stop trying so hard, and get out of your head. A problem like this only occurs when you are too much inside of your head while having a conversation with someone. Being inside of your head interrupts the natural flow of the conversation, especially when you are trying to come up with things to say when the conversation is becoming quiet. Also, there is no problem with not always "knowing" what to say, you can let the other person speak to be a listener. "How to win friends and influence people" is a good book to read on this topic. 

[Pallero]

On 4.2.2018 at 3:43 PM, John Iverson said:

I have the fear of  the reaction of my word to a conversation is always the same and the one I'm talking to gets bored 

But so what if they get bored? It's not your job to entertain everyone, or is it? Whoever gets bored can just leave. True friends will stay. They won't mind.

[Shin]

I struggled with that for a long time too.

Basically you want to not care where the conversation is going or how people sees you.

You say what goes through your mind, let them talk, if you have nothing to say you say nothing.

Don't worry, most people can't handle silence, they'll say something quick enough, and if they blame you for being quiet, then you don't want them as friends anyway.

Your problem isn't communication skill, but neediness and self-esteem.

Edited February 19, 2018 by Shin