This Work, While Raising Children.

[99th_monkey]

I'm a stay at home dad with 3 kids. And a very supportive wife Ones in school the other two are not. I'm looking for some tips on anyone that pursues enlightenment work and can still maintain the continuity of the "family". 

I get lost and confused and frustrated at times and I struggle with resistance or something, I dunno.

 

[WelcometoReality]

3 hours ago, 99th_monkey said:

I'm a stay at home dad with 3 kids. And a very supportive wife Ones in school the other two are not. I'm looking for some tips on anyone that pursues enlightenment work and can still maintain the continuity of the "family". 

I get lost and confused and frustrated at times and I struggle with resistance or something, I dunno.

 

Great then you have three small enlightenment teachers.  I don't know 'bout yours but my daughter tries to push my buttons all the time. I also had a colleague at work that really liked pushing my buttons. I found it great for some inquiry work, questions like why is this triggering me, what belief of mine makes me feel this way? Also mindfulness is something you always can practice, even better when things are hectic. 

[Ayla]

@99th_monkey

Relationships are our greatest teachers. "I" does not get lost or confused. The Person still there does. The way to do this is by remaining deeply with the feelings that arise. Scan your body for how that frustration feels like inside body, while not giving any attention to what mind is telling you is happening. Those are just thoughts coming and going. YOU - ("I" - me myself you this that ) is what watches it all. So while you do this scan, do not try to name things, or judge them as being bad... just scan entire body and accept what is inside there. 

No need to force anything at all. Just be there with that. Sometimes there's a kind of "relief sign" when feeling has been felt through. Like a big sigh or a burp or a deep silence...

 

[Annie]

@99th_monkey You are not alone, I feel the same! I have two small children who put me through the biggest tests of patience so I'm usually quite drained at the end of the day and I'm also trying to figure out how to do this best.

[99th_monkey]

My problem is the "my children". can't seem to shed it, no real  progress will be made until I detach from this. Be very clear about your intentions before you decide how to move forward. Had I known, I probably would never have started pursuing enlightenment, but now I can't stop,the fire is started and it's life ending. 

 

[WelcometoReality]

7 hours ago, 99th_monkey said:

My problem is the "my children". can't seem to shed it, no real  progress will be made until I detach from this. Be very clear about your intentions before you decide how to move forward. Had I known, I probably would never have started pursuing enlightenment, but now I can't stop,the fire is started and it's life ending. 

 

Yes but you will love them still, and maybe even more, once it is realized. ☺

[99th_monkey]

@WelcometoReality I have faith in that :)

 

 

[Emerald]

I have a hard time with this. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom, and have been for about the past 9 months. I have a 4.5 year old and a 1 year old. I was thinking that I would be able to carve out more time for meditation since staying home, but that has proven to be somewhat difficult. What I'm doing now, with maintaining my meditation practice is to set the bar low, so I get to keep up with my meditation. I require myself to meditate at least 1 minute a day. As long as I've done that, I count it as a win, that way I stay on track and am not tempted to break the habit. Everything else is extra credit. Of course, my goal is to do 30 minutes or more. But sometimes, I get interrupted and can't get a full half hour of peace and quiet. So, for these times, I just go as long as I can without being interrupted.

[Dante]

@99th_monkey I don't really know what you mean by enlightenment work, but I remember someone famous, I think Sam Harris, saying their wife taught children meditation and it drastically improved their behavior and patience within a few weeks. They may be able to do it , whatever it may be, with you if you start there.

[vizual]

I don't have any children myself but isn't simply spending time with your children and loving them as much as you can not a form of meditation? 

I can imagine your own children, which you put on this world, is the easiest thing to pour all your love into. And so guiding yourself to a higher consciousness.

Maybe my view of the parent-child relationship is too idealistic though lol

[Ayla]

@vizual

4 hours ago, vizual said:

I can imagine your own children

Who's children?  

[Toby]

The good thing about kids is that you can't fool them about your state. They are really good at mirroring it back to you. (I don't have kids myself. Only worked with them.)

Actually you could do like 20min meditation each day where you alternate between stillness/do nothing and "I am" inquiry. Then you can check in the "I am" multiple times each day where you have time. Like during tasks that are not complicated or where you have a few minutes rest. So effectively you don't need extra time but you do it where you already have time.

[Emerald]

10 hours ago, vizual said:

I don't have any children myself but isn't simply spending time with your children and loving them as much as you can not a form of meditation? 

I can imagine your own children, which you put on this world, is the easiest thing to pour all your love into. And so guiding yourself to a higher consciousness.

Maybe my view of the parent-child relationship is too idealistic though lol

 

11 hours ago, Dante said:

@99th_monkey I don't really know what you mean by enlightenment work, but I remember someone famous, I think Sam Harris, saying their wife taught children meditation and it drastically improved their behavior and patience within a few weeks. They may be able to do it , whatever it may be, with you if you start there.

I'm pretty sure that he was asking about the logistics of having kids while pursuing enlightenment... not so much getting the kids to meditate or to pursue enlightenment.

[99th_monkey]

I've basically struggled with my attachment to them, my "daddy" identity

[Natasha]

They are not 'yours' anyway 

I like this quote by Osho. Kids and animals can be our greatest teachers

[99th_monkey]

I had battled with that as soon as the realization that "they weren't mine" And "I" And "they" weren't real. It was Hell

[Natasha]

@99th_monkey Helpful insight

 

 

[99th_monkey]

@Natasha thank you

[Ktar]

@99th_monkey I can totally relate. I get the desire to detach and the guilt that may accompany that concept. Another perspective-ego is detaching, You are One with them. 

[Nicole2602]

If anything in this world is going to cement your ego... it's your kids... they are after all one of the ways you define yourself... I am a mom, I have 3 kids, my kids are good, I am a good mom, my kids are naughty, I am a terrible mom... enter enlightenment and now I am not mom? They're not mine? How I raise them and what I want for them are just thoughts and not real? Wow... that's a huge concept to reconcile... it's not easy... take your time... BREATHE... observe... and take time for you... it's not selfish, it's necessary and also... completely ok for you, for them... right now.