Dreaming of ego death

[MisterMan]

I have been having recurring dreams of what i believe to be experiencing of nothingness. It usually starts off taking acid or mushrooms. I always trip, and it's always attributed with fear and anxiety.  Since the last and first time i experienced nothingness, i later was able to relate that experience to this recurring dream i was having.

Throwing away everything you have known to love and hate can be very frightening, ultimately beautiful but the process before pushing through the threshold i experience fear and panic attacks.

Regarding the process before becoming nothingness my mind offered plenty resistance in fear and in panic attacks .  And this process has been integrating itself into my dreams. Before the dreams were pure terror and ineffable, they still are ineffable in the fact it is nothingness but i am able to bring back some forms of understanding that can point to what i experienced.

When i experience the recurring state in my dream it is extremely disorienting, completely dizzying, non stop dizzying. It used to be attached to fear and anxiety but that is slowly changing. It's as if I'm trying to comprehend nothingness with dizzying proportions as I'm funneling through time from moment to moment. Filtering out the past or future (that i'm aware are concepts at a behavioural level-won't act on them, simply observe).

Kknowing them to be a fable contrived and arbitrary as you are swallowed up in all the happening of the moment. I can't help but feel the sense of despair as it really feels like I'm throwing my life away. This is what holds the fear, so i do have some feelings that don't leave. Interpretation is the opposite of being nothingness as you are putting a fable to nothing. Everything seems baseless, and this i know excites me as i am limitless, but it also frightens me.

I wake up knowing i understood something that i do not in my waking that transcended somehow the fear. I have moments of grasping then forgetting, 2 or 3 times a week. This always comes in the form of my dreams.

I would appreciate any thoughts, help or guidance with this if you think you can help.

Appreciate you's.

 

 

 

Edited February 1, 2018 by MisterMan