Actualization non-stop Bummer ?

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I look at my super drunk friends doing their life purpose work while guzzling booze all the while... it seems like they can do beautiful work unhindered, allowing the alcohol etc to sweep their issues perpetually under the rug...

ignorance  = bliss

My lover just left because of his actualization work... Other friends revel in their crappy communication, etc relationships

ignorance =bliss

I look at myself: meditation = miserable - showing my horrific monkey mind, more mindfulness is just more neurotic awareness, life purpose attempts cause self efficacy to decline further and further, attempts at healing just create more awareness of more trauma - re-traumatization - more suffering and pain... I've had to give up all of my cool distractions, and garbage... of course I want TRUTH... but this really fucking sucks .... and I can't just go back to sleep... but I can go back to more distraction... and it's very tempting...

ignorance = bliss

I am so grateful to Leo etc for all of the help... but I'm also mad that I can't "un-see" many truths... I feel like Jack (and the beanstalk)... I've just bought Leo's magic beans... others tell me the beans are crap...but I've learned not to give a shit about other's opinions...  I know there is a potential golden future at the top of the stalk... but I don't feel up to the task of defeating the giant and the rest of it...at all.... but if I come back "empty handed" I'm fucked regardless...blah, wtf!

[Shin]

Hang in there, it's gonna be better I promise you

I don't know if it can help one bit, but for what it's worth

 

I love you 

 

 

[h inandout]

Omg, can so relate! 

[Shin]

4 hours ago, h inandout said:

Omg, can so relate! 

Then just be patient, and don't do stupid bullshit.

Scream or punch something if necessary, take kickboxing class or run like crazy.

Just let the energy flow.

[NoSelfSelf]

On 01/02/2018 at 10:32 PM, Epiphany_Inspired said:

I look at my super drunk friends doing their life purpose work while guzzling booze all the while... it seems like they can do beautiful work unhindered, allowing the alcohol etc to sweep their issues perpetually under the rug...

 

 

They are not happy thats why they drink etc. You buy into their story because they are unconcious to see that this doesnt work and im dobtful they are on life purpose because life purpose is sharing yourself with the word how can they that?

[Preetom]

@Epiphany_Inspired

I think I read this in a book of Shinzen Young. One of his friends told him

''Gosh, its so hard to do this work. But its way harder not to do it.''

Once you are conscious enough to see that what you call 'life' is nothing but a big, fat layer of suffering and lying to yourself, there is really no choice. I mean, what are you gonna return to? 

Hang in there

Edited February 3, 2018 by Preetom

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Preetom @NoSelfSelf @Shin @h inandout  Thanks so much!!! I really appreciate you!

@Shin I love you too!

@NoSelfSelf No, these drunken friends can still paint masterpieces, or write/ perform incredible music etc...it's mind blowing!!! by using alcohol to escape their issues they seem more free do the things they love unhindered.... the best example I know of this is also the worst... I had a friend in *5 different bands*, he was virtuoso level player...but we would often have to toss a bucket of water on him to get him on stage, he'd get up there, become a wizard, then stumble off again (able to play like the wind, when he could barely walk)...he'd maybe have another drink, and black out again... maybe he could have been *even more* without drinking, or maybe he wouldn't be able to handle life without it, or play at all... I haven't had more than a few drinks per year for many years... but I see how much it "seems to help" others... and my suffering from this break-up makes it seem like it might be some cure-all-elixir... I know it would just make me feel sick, and low conscious, not better... but it seems to work for others... at least in a suppressive illusory way...  What you said about happiness means a lot to me, I hadn't thought of that... It's likely not worth trading happiness for numbing, thanks!

@Preetom  I will hang in there... but right now I'm not up for agreeing with that quote... it doesn't seem easier at all... yes, I can't go back to ignorance...but what I could go back to is distraction... and all too easily... and it's been really, really, really tempting these last few days... I could put my thoughts and emotions *on hold*, etc... so far I've been strong... but I definitely wouldn't say it's easier... it really fucking sucks... That said, I am so grateful for you.. for wanting me to hang in there... thank you so much!