Change of fuel? Grace vs Drive

[Timotheus]

I've used to fuel many of my actions with aggression, anger, hatred. Not in an overly harming way of course, but it seems like this fuel is now fading, even though I don't really want that. Am I deceiving myself or is this part of the game?

[Nahm]

@Timotheus Am I understanding you correctly, that you are more without anger and hatred, but you are questioning if that’s what you want?

[Timotheus]

@Nahm Yeah. Guess I'm confused since I don't see that much of a replacement in drive so far and I'm already stuck. But afterall it's more peaceful which is what I want too.

[Nahm]

@Timotheus I am not sure if I’m on the same page, but in trying to relate, I recall a period when I became without a position of self, falsely defined by comparisons  and judgements.   When I saw through my self, then a new life started, one without resistence, and without drive. Just freedom from resistence, and therefore from any need for drive. Everything got effortless, and I’ve been getting so much more done everyday, and enjoying the moment so much more. It’s impossible to put into words, can only point to it, but I was experiencing what I didn’t want, and that triggered a drive for what I want. Now I don’t see what I don’t want anymore. It’s like it disappeared from “reality”. Freedom is the only word I have but there’s the whole word / communication problem. There’s just no way to communicate an illusion in an illusion to an illusion in an illusion. Lol. 

[Timotheus]

@Nahm I think the message nevertheless somehow got transmitted This resonates with me. Thank you

[Nahm]

@Timotheus sweet!  That like, in between period, was a few months for me. When I was freed, for a while, it was like why would I ever do anything when I can always just revel? Why did I ever do anything?   An almost constant laughter! The drive never came back, but mental resistence never came back. So now it’s like, why wouldn’t I do whatever I want? There’s nothing to stop me! Lol!