How To Make Tough Choices

[Ayla]

@Sarah_Flagg

All this knowing, comes from mind. It has no value at all. If you read your own posts in this topic, you will get the feeling of some type of going in circles. Life will always put you in this position so that you find a way out. Everything that will appear, will only mirror this aspect of frustration. No matter where or what you do from here, it will always have the same underlying feeling to it, because it comes from the same poisoned root. 

The "I" you are talking about feels "scary" and "lost". Real I is nothing like that. Seriously search for it. The only reason you cannot decide, is because there is a split between your persona and the real I. It feels like pain. Your mind wants to trick you into thinking that there are things to do. That is not real. 

I also know how far from your reality this feels right now. I've been there. Didn't understand it either. Life has lifted away the things that I thought were vital, and left me right in front of what I am pointing you to do. Only from there, comes freedom. 

 

[Argue]

You want change. You know what you want but you're stuck. 

Like a fly in a closed room. He looks for a way out and sees the window. He heads for the window to only find himself stuck there for hours hitting the window over and over again. 

You need a new approach. Find a new exit. Ask yourself questions that empower you. For example, how would my life be better, how is the effecting me emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually? 

Edited February 29, 2016 by Argue

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

 

 

[JeffR1]

2 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

How do I know when I am making a choice out of fear vs what I actually want?

I know I am the only one who can decide what's best for me, but what questions should I be asking myself to help me figure out what I actually want vs what I'm doing out of fear? 

 

@Sarah_Flagg Sometimes even making choices about what we want brings with it fears. Sometimes we can't seem to any way forward that doesn't bring up fear in us. Just checking that when you say 'what I actually want', are you referring to your authentic self or to the persona you show to all else? I use the term 'masks', in that we all wear or put on masks, depending on the moment, the situation or where we are at any given time. Under all the masks, however, is the authentic self. I have found so many cling to their masks with such power, they refuse even to allow themselves, let alone others, see who they really are!

If you are after some material you can study to help you discover your authentic self and perhaps assist you in making decisions not out of fear, I can recommend two books. I was married for almost 25 years and had two children (aged 14 and 16 at that time), but the marriage was slowly but surely going downhill. I felt my ex had put more and more masks on to the point I didn't know who she was. She steadfastly refused to acknowledge that things weren't okay. So, I had a decision to make and either way looked really scary.

Two books that really helped me are: 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', by Susan Jeffers, and the other 'Self Matters', by Dr Phil McGraw. I'd read both books a number of times, but didn't actually "DO" the work! I decided I owed it to myself and others that I needed to know to the best degree I could, that I was making the best decision I could given the circumstances. What I found after doing this work (and it is inner work) was that I (the authentic I) needed to leave the situation. And so I did. Was it easy? Absolutely not! Do I regret it? Absolutely not! Do I hold resentment or anger? Absolutely not! Have I forgiven myself and others? Absolutely yes!

I trust you can find the authentic I within. It doesn't life doesn't have its bumps in the road, though it does help to smooth out those bumps and keep on track. Best wishes.

 

[FindingPeace]

3 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

How do I know when I am making a choice out of fear vs what I actually want?

The way I get to the bottom of these dilemas is to consider how I would feel if I didn't do the thing I'm contemplating doing. So if you want to know if you're making a choice out of fear, then imagine choosing the alternative route and consider how that would make you feel - fear, anxiety etc verses the new route - comfort, security etc

It's even possible that both options within the choice present fear, either way.

The easiest way to identify motives when contemplating taking some action is to imagine not taking hat action and considering how you would feel about it. Usually the motives are quite obvious then.

Edited February 29, 2016 by FindingPeace

[FindingPeace]

3 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

@mathewrockz That's the problem I can't identify what's my ego, heart, right, wrong. 

There is no real right or wrong. There are just different courses of action and possibilities. Look at the longer term and the bigger picture. Imagine the two scenarios and extend them in to the future. Another thing to consider is that you struggle with the the choice because you foresee 'problems' with each option. So examine these potential problems and devise work-arounds. Take responsibility for them.

It's all to easy to get overwhelmed by the potential issues and problems that may result from a particular course of action, but for each of them there is probably a solution. It's just that we tend to see a mountain of consequences that disctracts us from making a plan and taking action.

[Phrae]

@Saitama As a person who is reading from Leo's booklist and watching his videos, I'm interested in better learning.

What are you talking about here? How would I increase intensity and what kinds of learning are you talking about? 

Isn't learning individual? Also is it worth it to optimize learning? Doesn't it have a sweet spot where it no longet increases your efficiency and is just wasting time?

I've dabbled all over the place. All my learning feels like dabbling. I'm not sute what I want in my life but I want to understand and know as much as I can so that I can accomplish my discovered goal. I also want to increase my understanding of myself which I'm not sure I'm doing.

Hmmmm

[Guest]

@Phrae Scott H Young's blog and Cal Newport's blog are great places to start. Just because individuals are different doesn't mean we can't make generalizations. For instance, it's pretty safe to say things like procrastinating is bad (obvious) or reading with your eyes closed is tougher than reading with your eyes open (more obvious). By studying good methods you can learn the less obvious generalizations and find what works for you. 

[TruthSeeker]

@Sarah_Flagg dont listen to AYLA...she is poison...no offense. 

Someone like that shouldn't be giving life advice to someone trying to raise her son. Someone like that should be living in the clouds where here brain currently is. Theres nothing wrong with that but she should just stay there in the clouds. 

Use your brain when making decisions. Decide what your goal in life is. When I'm 100 years old and about to die, what would be a considered a successful life in my eyes. What do I wish for my son. etc etc Write out a page long paper describing your life goal (see 7 habbits of highly effective people)

Then think of your current decision at hand. "Will doing xyz bring me closer to my goal in life or further away". 

If your goal isn't clear so work on that. Imagine your life as a business you are starting. Every business needs a goal and the owner/manager needs to make decisions that he thinks will bring the business closer to the goal...and he needs to review the goal often and make sure that its at the forefront of his mind when making daily decisions. 

Hope this helps. And again DONT LISTEN TO AYLA...she is nothing but poison. (no offense)

[Jay Brown]

@Sarah_Flagg Once you set your mind to something, you would be astonished with the possibilities of how you can make almost anything work in your favor, " you can be in 2 places at once"  

 

Edited February 29, 2016 by Jay Brown

[nima]

It is simple: the right choice is acceptance of the form of the moment. you accept what the life presents to you with pleasure and then you feel more wise and happy from within and you can clearly understand what is best for you.

[A way to Actualize]

@Sarah_Flagg I will give a really practical way to make choices out of love, it works so good for me:

With every choiche say to yourself: someone who loves themselves would chose  .....

A automatic answer will roll in. When there is uncertainty, keep doing it. The answer is the choice which your higher self would chose.

 

 

 

Edited February 29, 2016 by A way to Actualize

[Sarah Marie]

@A way to Actualize this is extremely helpful thank you!