How to stop being a devil.

[solr]

During 2017 I became very conscious of my devilry. I've become aware of how manipulative I am. Of my lying. Of my deception of others. I want to become a more loving and kind human being. I want to stop making egotistical choices. I've been a strong meditator for seven years, and I've done a couple of retreats. I feel like this has helped me to see the truth of how evil I actually am. I thought awareness of this would change my behavior - but I still make bad decisions even if I'm mindful of what I'm doing. In that very moment, fulfillment of my egotistical needs seems to be more important to me than selflessness. I try and not resent myself for this, to just work on my mindfulness and don't judge my actions as "bad" or evil - But the truth is, I want to work past this to reach my full potential of self-actualization.

I'm kind of stuck when it comes to what I should do to change my behavior. What I should do to become less of an evil devil. I don't believe in free will, I don't think forcing myself to be a good, little girl is an option. Does anyone here on the forum have any experiences or suggestions regarding this?

It's not like I'm a murderer or anything, or that I'm mean to people. My family, friends and ex boyfriends would probably describe me as selfless, loving and kind - But then again, that's just because I'm so good at decieving and lying.

I know I'm not alone. I know 99% of people do the same thing, more or less. I feel like being aware of it and still doing it makes me worse than someone who is totally unconscious though. 

[Amadeusz]

Maybe just keep sitting in this mud and continue to clean it? First step has been made - you are aware Maybe just rise in consciousness will resolve these problems? Maybe psychodelics? Maybe you're avoiding the hard work and you're too lazy with yourself? Maybe not? That's a hard question to answer whatsoever  

[solr]

3 minutes ago, Amadeusz said:

Maybe just keep sitting in this mud and continue to clean it? First step has been made - you are aware Maybe just rise in consciousness will resolve these problems? Maybe psychodelics? Maybe you're avoiding the hard work and you're too lazy with yourself? Maybe not? That's a hard question to answer whatsoever  

I think you're right in just continious consciousness work. Maybe I need to step ut my meditation. I most definitely will not use psychedelics, though. I have schizophrenia in my family, and I've had crippling, deep issues with panic attacks and anxiety which I've managed to heal through hard work. It's too big of a risk for me which I'm very afraid to take.

[Leo Gura]

@solr The answer to your question is: the entire spiritual journey is about that.

By becoming more conscious you are able, more and more, to let go of your devilry. This process will takes decades to complete.

Self-inquiry, meditation, yoga, contemplation, etc. are all very useful tools for spiritual purification.

But don't neglect ordinary personal development either. Get your own life together, climb Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs so you're not struggling to desperately fulfill yourself all the time. Evil mostly comes from desperately needing things like: sex, money, love, power, fame, security, etc.

Practice unconditional love more, open your heart chakra. That helps a lot too.

[snowleopard]

@solr  If one is aware of such negative behaviour and yet still indulging it, then it would seem that there is still some deeply buried shadow/fear issues that need to be resolved. In this you are far from alone. This process is unavoidably painful and emotionally disturbing, and extremely difficult to face without some effective healing modality. While psychedelic-assisted modalities can be very effective in facilitating this process, there are certainly other ways and means to investigate, and each individual may find one or another more uniquely suited to their situation. However, there is no way or path to bypass this process. I can only suggest that you search out and explore the various modalities, until finding one that works for you. As always, do careful research, and seek support from those who have gone through the particular process. This is not something to be undertaken in some cursory way. Above all, keep an open mind and heart, and know that the freedom of Love is not only possible, but ultimately one's only destiny, however long the road may seem.

[solr]

 

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

But don't neglect ordinary personal development either. Get your own life together, climb Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs so you're not struggling to desperately fulfill yourself all the time. Evil mostly comes from desperately needing things like: sex, money, love, power, fame, security, etc.

 

8 hours ago, snowleopard said:

 If one is aware of such negative behaviour and yet still indulging it, then it would seem that there is still some deeply buried shadow/fear issues that need to be resolved. 

Thank you for your kindness. This resonated with me. I'm not in a stable place economically (i'm a student), and I think a lot of my devilry stems from fear and the need for security. I'll continue my meditation and contemplation work, as well as my school work. I realize I need to arrive at a place where I don't struggle every day to make ends meet. 

[Monkey-man]

 

[Faceless]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@solr The answer to your question is: the entire spiritual journey is about that.

By becoming more conscious you are able, more and more, to let go of your devilry. This process will takes decades to complete.

Self-inquiry, meditation, yoga, contemplation, etc. are all very useful tools for spiritual purification.

But don't neglect ordinary personal development either. Get your own life together, climb Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs so you're not struggling to desperately fulfill yourself all the time. Evil mostly comes from desperately needing things like: sex, money, love, power, fame, security, etc.

Practice unconditional love more, open your heart chakra. That helps a lot too.

Isn’t the entity that practices unconditional love the very same entity that is incapable of loving? 

Can the essence of love be cultivated through desire? 

What do you think buddy? 

Edited January 29, 2018 by Faceless

[AlldayLoop]

Have you tried therapy like CBT?

[Nahm]

@solr The awareness / consciousness / love increases as the self deception (believing the illusion is actual reality, and that you are a separate being) decreases. The shocker is that there is only bliss. That’s it. All else is self deception / devilry. Look at your hand - see it - that’s literally because you’re fooling yourself. It’s not actually there. The most convincing aspects of the illusion are thinking it’self, and specifically, thinking one is a separate self, and pain (imo). The root of all suffering, is self deception. 

This is why Leo always stresses the importance of an open mind, and a genuine attitude of ‘there’s always more’, and an open heart. Imo, it’s the most intricate process imaginable, and then the rest, the larger part, is unimaginable until it’s experienced / accomplished. I try not to fault or judge anyone who claims their own situation of reality could not possibly be outside of what they have experienced combined with the capacity of their imagination. Admittedly, at first glance, it sounds absurd. That’s why it is so difficult, and take enormous commitment.  

[Timotheus]

@Nahm Do we really then choose this shit for ourselves? Is never anything out of control? I dunno, but some sages seem to express that imo, the Buddha for example.

[phoenix666]

@solr that resonates with me a lot. specially the part about much of my devilry coming from my need for security (I'm a student myself), but also for love and success. 

@Leo Gura I've been dismissing chakras as new age stuff for a long time. but the more I practice yoga and meditation, the more I come into contact with things like that. I've been opening my mind to it more and more. what is your experience with chakras (if you want to share?) and how can I work on my heart chakra? 

[Nahm]

@Timotheus Not trying to be all nondual about it, but the only answer, is we do not do this for our selves if by selves you mean a separate / other than God selves. There is only One being, and a shitload of illusion.  So, yes, you’re doing this, and I’m doing this, but we are not doing anything, because there is no we. The weird strange truth is any difference between me and you is illusionary. 

[SOUL]

On 1/28/2018 at 6:14 PM, solr said:

 I try and not resent myself for this, to just work on my mindfulness and don't judge my actions as "bad" or evil

This can be a powerful way to transform our conditioning and that's what it is, layers of biological and social conditioning. So much conditioning is wrapped in moralizing which often leads to self resentment, guilt and abuse but stripping away the unconscious conditioning and letting things be as they are can free us up to form our perceptions to be loving.

Being motivated by love instead of fear can transform that judgment into acceptance and behaviors will change along with it. We could try to use judgment to measure specific behaviors for change which appears like we are 'self examining' but it is still a fear based way to do it using unconscious conditioning. Building around love motivation changes behaviors into naturally being from well intention.

All the methods, techniques and rationalizations are empty of the power to transform our behaviors to be selfless if they still come from fear, that ultimately manifests as selfish but motivated from love it empowers them to be genuinely compassionate.

Edited January 30, 2018 by SOUL

[Nahm]

@SOUL ?☺️?

[beaucoup]

@solr You might wanna check out Byron Katie's "The Work". It really helps to uncover all your evil ways and false projections. 

[solr]

8 hours ago, SOUL said:

This can be a powerful way to transform our conditioning and that's what it is, layers of biological and social conditioning. So much conditioning is wrapped in moralizing which often leads to self resentment, guilt and abuse but stripping away the unconscious conditioning and letting things be as they are can free us up to form our perceptions to be loving.

Being motivated by love instead of fear can transform that judgment into accepting and behaviors will change along with it. We could try to use judgment to measure specific behaviors for change which appears like we are 'self examining' but it is still a fear based way to do it using unconscious conditioning. Building around love motivation changes behaviors into naturally being from well intention.

All the methods, techniques and rationalizations are empty of the power to transform them to be selfless if they still come from fear, that ultimately manifests as selfish but motivated from love it empowers them to be genuinely compassionate.

 

<3

[solr]

8 hours ago, beaucoup said:

@solr You might wanna check out Byron Katie's "The Work". It really helps to uncover all your evil ways and false projections. 

Thank you. I'll put it on my booklist right after "Radical Honesty".