Cant Fall In Love

[ranzo1]

(My english skills  is soo bad ,sorry for that,i hope that you guys can understand this) . I am 20 years old male, and i will be soon 21(for one month) and i decided to change my life,one big problem that im struggle with,is love.My childhood was so depressing because of my looks,i had have lop-eard,and my school mate were teasing me,that was really tuff, whenever i go,kids were laught at me,and my family and i decided to do surgery,and i was thinking that i will be able to have normal life,but,problem was barly fixed,my ears in right angle,but they are really big now,and i compelled to have longer haircut. Some kind of  relif,but always want to have short haircut and be like other boys,and i was sad,because i want to be more musculine ,not like some girl. And that was cosing dificulties in my self estem.In that age ,maybe 7 years old, i met my first sweet hart,and oder boys were teasing me also for that,and from early years i was disipointed in Women. That is first part of story.       ----------   After that, i started high school . I was okey,ordinary kid, fairly good looking,but i have had that issue of deppresion,and i was hopeing that i will have better time . I was alone, only kid in class that are from village,other teenagers were from town.My other friends went in other schools,and i was sad because of that. Again, negative coments about me, and about girls, and have school mates that are haters and depressed maybe, and lots of negativity was in my life. Later i was make friends,and become more confident,but problem is in dateing. Wasnt able to find right girl, dont do much aproach, i wanted some special girl to fill my pain,and i m just give up from that. Have had little expirience in women in highscool and lots of regerts, because teen days and love stories from that time was maybe most memorable,and wasnt experienced love,and hate people and girls,i was have one girl that i was interested in my class but i dont belive that it make it hapend. In thirth grade i started to be good looking,playing soccer,have my style of clothing,lot of shalow friends,  fairly popular, and different fairly hot girls noticed me,but i didnt noticed that and i just staret to belive that i dont feel anything,always judgeing other people and girls ,no one was good enough for me,also didnt feel that i need that,but also confused how sexuality works,and i was thinking that i was akward in some way.----------------------------------- And than i started college,start eating healty,training at gym,extremly motivated, good looking guy,and at that time i was have expirienced in girls,but never relathionship, and i fall in love with one girl,that is also known from past.She is so charismatic,smart,good looking,...and she also likes me....i didnt understand my friends when talking about lovel, i just didnt feel anything,but i finaly got it....and again...problems....i was involved with her sister that i dont like but not have had sex with her,and she chased me , before... And i didnt know how to say that girl that i like her,and about that problem... And time goes on,i mess it up,she really didn't care about that,and  also when i fall in love i resisting it...when  i see her i also feel that feeleng,but to other girls im cold like ice. ---------- I have everything,looks,money,im talented in art, but i dont feel motivation. Love is missing maybe,i just didnt noticed that times goes on,and that are other guys are more expirienced than me,but there are not better than me generaly. Im maybe stuck in my hystory,... I feel also that now i cant find something to push me out of that , girls just dont look good to me, how i sad, truly difficult to finde someone to attract me(i can find girlfriend,but emotions are problem) ... I accepted that,im alone, and that is scary for me,because i dont feel passion,and that thing hit my other stuff in my life. My biggest fear is that feeling of emptiness. I just see her yesterday(girl that im fall in love) ,and,feeling is really good,but i also feel pain,deep pain...which is good in some way, because i can feel something.

I just want from you guys to offer me some perspectives on:

 

1. How to let go that regrets from teen years,also i behave like child,i want to corret that ,but i cant, resisting to be happy, i cant belive what was going on,  ..and to starts everything again,but i always see me like that alone child and thinking that i just waste my life?

2.How to handle with guilt and negative selftalk , when i have opportunities with hot girls or something i fell that feeling of guilt,to dont care about feelings of women,also to  prove to myself that sex isnt bad, and be more sexual?

3.Maybe i should build empathy with people... I dont talking about my crush to anybody,maybe i should do that also?

4. And how to improve my view about women, to accept they like really are and not to be so choosy,to not judge and to boost my drive that i can have fun?

5.last one,enlightement -if there is such a thing should i boder anyways,that thing decreases my motivation,because, just be in the moment,you are nothing,but if you want to have succes with something you should know who you are and have your own values... Confusing

if you want take comment about one of this five questions,or do that for everything,or take comment for this topic that you think that is important... Thanks guys!

 

[kyle barnett]

Hey man, I'm sorry I couldn't understand it all. Your English isn't the best but it's getting there.  I will however try to answer your questions.

1) I used to have the same problem of acting like a child and being immature and not being able to change. It's okay but you need to be working on yourself so you have better mindsets on reality. Fastest way to grow is surround your self with better mature people. You don't have to stop hanging with your other mates but your view of reality gets affected by other people you surround yourself with. You probably to caught up in your past, remind yourself that a lot of us have done stupid things in the past, had the dumbest views on reality and etc. like leo says you must take 100 percent responsibility for your life that even means take responsibility for your past and your current circumstances.

2) I'm guessing you feel that guilt because you have your self image and being sexual goes against who you think you are as a person. Overtime you ego will adapt if that's what your trying to do.

3) Yes ! I have this same issue, I feel that I don't have the right to tell someone I have a crush on a girl because I haven't even talked to them and I don't want to come across as desperate. But just get it out, tell people, even if it sounds stupid, not telling anyone is going to make you stuck. Trust me it's worth it.

4) There's nothing wrong about being fussy with woman, trust me settling for someone you aren't attracted to is going only going to harm you. If you want a girlfriend but can't find one you want. You'l just have to be patient sadly.  Just socialize more and try to meet more people i guess.

5) yes in reality you don't exist. But you don't have that truth yet so don't let it get to you. Unless you are really committed. Just worry about living the kind of life you want. Maybe when you have everything set up then you can start working on enlightenment.

I may not of read your questions properly and I am sorry about that, I just thought sharing my wisdom may help you, at least a little.

 

[ranzo1]

4 hours ago, kyle barnett said:

Hey man, I'm sorry I couldn't understand it all. Your English isn't the best but it's getting there.  I will however try to answer your questions.

1) I used to have the same problem of acting like a child and being immature and not being able to change. It's okay but you need to be working on yourself so you have better mindsets on reality. Fastest way to grow is surround your self with better mature people. You don't have to stop hanging with your other mates but your view of reality gets affected by other people you surround yourself with. You probably to caught up in your past, remind yourself that a lot of us have done stupid things in the past, had the dumbest views on reality and etc. like leo says you must take 100 percent responsibility for your life that even means take responsibility for your past and your current circumstances.

2) I'm guessing you feel that guilt because you have your self image and being sexual goes against who you think you are as a person. Overtime you ego will adapt if that's what your trying to do.

3) Yes ! I have this same issue, I feel that I don't have the right to tell someone I have a crush on a girl because I haven't even talked to them and I don't want to come across as desperate. But just get it out, tell people, even if it sounds stupid, not telling anyone is going to make you stuck. Trust me it's worth it.

4) There's nothing wrong about being fussy with woman, trust me settling for someone you aren't attracted to is going only going to harm you. If you want a girlfriend but can't find one you want. You'l just have to be patient sadly.  Just socialize more and try to meet more people i guess.

5) yes in reality you don't exist. But you don't have that truth yet so don't let it get to you. Unless you are really committed. Just worry about living the kind of life you want. Maybe when you have everything set up then you can start working on enlightenment.

I may not of read your questions properly and I am sorry about that, I just thought sharing my wisdom may help you, at least a little.

 

Thanks man!

[Davidus]

Did you use Google Translate?