Open Relationships What Do You Think About Them ?

[Hardkill]

I wonder what percent of people have ever been in a open relationship. Also, is it only a minority of people who only want to be in a non-committal relationship?

[Forestluv]

@ValiantSalvatore I’m cosidering going open with her, yet not in the current environment. We would need to build a much stronger foundation. I think most people are immature and  unsecure. The exes she mentions are obviously looking for sex and are filled with drama. 

What I’ve seen so far with the “compartment” idea is inner conflict. There is this sense she is trying to protect something private, hidden from me. She tries to get close to me, then gets unresponsive and distant. She can be very guarded. I’m more into consistently growing together. It’s like she has these blocks to growing deeper with me because this other guy is taking up so much space in her head.

I’m not sayin open can’t work. Yet, if a couple wants to develop deep trust and intimacy and walk through uncomfortable personal growth together, I think open would present big hurdles. In the same sense that a long-distance relationship would present hurdles.

[Forestluv]

42 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Also, is it only a minority of people who only want to be in a non-committal relationship?

I’d bet the majority of couples in monogamous relationships don’t really want to be monogamous all the time. The frequency of cheating is quite high.

As well, some people I’ve met in open relationships have a strong type of commitment. They are often married or have a primary partner. They fully communicate with each other abt their activity 

[Hardkill]

30 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I’d bet the majority of couples in monogamous relationships don’t really want to be monogamous all the time. The frequency of cheating is quite high.

As well, some people I’ve met in open relationships have a strong type of commitment. They are often married or have a primary partner. They fully communicate with each other abt their activity 

The frequency of cheating is quite high. Also, I do remember Leo mentioning in one of his Youtube vids, Why Men Cheat - And 8 Ways To Keep Your Man Loyal, that humans are actually biologically more polyamorous than monogamous. However, do most cheaters cheat because most cheaters are with the wrong person for themselves and have a certain flaw in their character or is it more because of our biological wiring as humans?

[Ayilton]

9 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

My current GF has done open relationships. When she describes the ideal, it sounds a bit intriguing. 

Her two main points are 1. that no one person can meet all of a persons interests/needs and 2. that she can put lovers in “compartments”. Relations with one man does not threaten or take anthing away fom relations with another man. She can be fully present within each compartment.

Yet, when she describes her actual experiences, they sound unhealthy and a mess. Something I don’t want to be a part of.

We agreed to be monogamous with platonic opposite-sex friends. Yet, I can tell she yearns for an ex as a secondary partner. They have been volatile in the past and he has hurt her. She says she wants to progress forward together and her ex isn’t worth sacrificing our relationship. Yet I can tell she still yearns/fantasizes about him and I think it’s a barrier for us to develop deeper intimacy. 

It sounds messy  ! I think you guys  should get a concesus... It's not clear about where you guys want with this relationship. Be honest with each other and see where it takes you  ! 

Communication is key 

[Ayilton]

Does anyone know John and Kissa Sins  !? They do this sort of stuff  , they seem very happy . Maybe it's due to the fact that they are pornographers,  they are more open minded ! 

[ajasatya]

i've done open relationships. the results were

• very little growth: few opportunities to face my fears (too much comfort zone)
• the same cycles of sexual neediness
• weak intimacy / superficial friendships

[billiesimon]

Open relationships benefit only the woman.

It's a manipulative form of relationship. She goes around sucking carrots while you provide her with dinners, stability and as emotional tampon, and masturbate to porn like a loser. And if you DARE to approach a woman you're a cheater while she's and empowered strong wahmen who don't need no man lol.

Don't do it. Stay single. Value your freedom and self respect. Meditate and approach people.

If you really want a gf, date someone who INSISTS to have monogamy with you. Avoid women who talk about cuckoldry.

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Open relationships benefit only the woman.

It's a manipulative form of relationship. She goes around sucking carrots while you provide her with dinners, stability and as emotional tampon, and masturbate to porn like a loser. And if you DARE to approach a woman you're a cheater while she's and empowered strong wahmen who don't need no man lol.

Don't do it. Stay single. Value your freedom and self respect. Meditate and approach people.

If you really want a gf, date someone who INSISTS to have monogamy with you. Avoid women who talk about cuckoldry.

So much projection.

It's not because you were abused that all women that are polyamorous are bitches that want to use you.

Your fault if you stayed in a relationship that didn't respect your boundaries.

 

Edited January 29, 2018 by Shin

[billiesimon]

11 minutes ago, Shin said:

Your fault if you stayed in a relationship that didn't respect your boundaries.

 

Looool I love your profile picture!

I totally agree. I took full responsibility for my bad choice of a gf, and that's why my advice is completely honest and in tune with taking responsibility.

But don't fall on the trap of taking away responsibilities from women. If a woman manipulates, it's her fault for choosing to do it. And your responsibility takes place only in avoiding contact with her.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, billiesimon said:

Looool I love your profile picture!

I totally agree. I took full responsibility for my bad choice of a gf, and that's why my advice is completely honest and in tune with taking responsibility.

But don't fall on the trap of taking away responsibilities from women. If a woman manipulates, it's her fault for choosing to do it. And your responsibility takes place only in avoiding contact with her.

Still doesn't change the fact that your opinion is biased.

You clearly state that it can't work and that women like this just want to take advantage of men.

[ADD]

It can work. But it needs two mature independent people that both love eachother yet do not want to own eachother. I've seen such couples that are happy and i've actually been involved in their sex life.

[Elisabeth]

14 hours ago, ADD said:

It can work. But it needs two mature independent people that both love eachother yet do not want to own eachother. I've seen such couples that are happy and i've actually been involved in their sex life.

It need's 3+ such people , with healthy boundaries. (though not everyone has to be in love with everyone)

This is still a very couple-centric perspective.