Where to look for love?

[Barbarian Number 8]

Hello people!

Since you are also into selfdevelopment, I wonder how you, as a "Thinker", go about to meet ladies with the intent to form a longterm relationship?

 

I don´t like or manage the barscene with the loud music and dude-bros very well. It bores me and I don´t like drunk people.

When looking at dating sites; everybody says that they spend a lot of time at the gym, and still they use a dating site....sooo...I guess the gym is a bad place to meet people too?

I like to meet somebody that is into selfimprovment and a conscious deliberate life. Where are these people in female form to be found???

 

I thought that university at Psychology studies would be a good place to look. -Holy shiet NO I went there just to find somebody and figured Psychology would be a nice complement to selfactualization also. I was dissaponted over the shallow/inmature kind of people there and Psychology....welll...lets say it was not usefull.

 

So I am out of idéas and would like to hear your thoughts in the matter.

Thank You very much for Your input!

 

 

 

 

[Spiral]

The library? To be honest only meet one girl at the library. Ever tried a spiritual meetup at meetup.com for instance? Those can be fun, it's very often new age stuff, not really my jam but better than nothing.

[vizual]

You can only find love within, from your love that comes from within the outer manifestations can flow through your life experience. Looking for love outside you will be disappointed, because you actually create hate since it comes from a place of lack. 

Looking at how you choose your words, it would be wise to work on how you judge other people.

[pluto]

To look for love in others is a trait of the ego seeking to fill the void.

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Spiral  I actually tried the library, but, ja not an easy place to find targets and hit on them.

I looked up your meetup.com tip and there may be something, thank You! Will explore that some more.

Althou I have learned to stay away from the new age girls. I found them to like the label of spriritualism but not really going anywhere with it.

[Barbarian Number 8]

@pluto Good and true point.

It is also my impression that being into selfactualization also leads to a more lonely life. Maybe it would be good to ask how many in here, are in a relationship?

I could counter with pointing out that for any biological lifeform to be successful it needs to reproduce.....but....closer to the truth would be mother wanting grandchildren and me getting older. The timewindow for making a family happen are about to close. So if I am going to explore this aspect of life, I better hurry up.

I don´t care about being a successful lifeform, but maybe rather the experience.

Edited January 27, 2018 by Barbarian Number 8
forgot a key word

[Barbarian Number 8]

6 hours ago, vizual said:

Looking at how you choose your words, it would be wise to work on how you judge other people.

May I have more feedback about my wording please?

I might have a blindspot there and if you found something that would be benefical to work on, I be grateful.

[pluto]

Hope this helps

[Barbarian Number 8]

@pluto  Thank you for the good words!

[Moreira]

4 hours ago, Barbarian Number 8 said:

@Spiral  I actually tried the library, but, ja not an easy place to find targets and hit on them.

I looked up your meetup.com tip and there may be something, thank You! Will explore that some more.

Althou I have learned to stay away from the new age girls. I found them to like the label of spriritualism but not really going anywhere with it.

If you are talking like "targets" and "hit" you're not looking for love, justa a fuckbuddy.

[aurum]

12 hours ago, Barbarian Number 8 said:

Since you are also into selfdevelopment, I wonder how you, as a "Thinker", go about to meet ladies with the intent to form a longterm relationship?

I do what you and most guys who struggle in this area refuse to do. I embrace the nightlife scene and I embrace living that "player" lifestyle.

The fact is that the best relationships I've ever had came from when I was in abundance with girls, not when I was just looking to lock down the first pretty girl that smiled at me.

I'm not in love with bars and nightclubs either. But I do it because this is where the most attractive, socially savvy women that I want to date tend to be. Second only to high end social circle / networking events.

What's funny is that when you actually know what to do, bars and nightclubs can be incredibly fun. But guys want to prematurely-judge this thing they don't even understand.

So some point I just accepted that getting a high quality girl is hard enough without me holding myself back. I wasn't going to place self-impose limits on myself just because nightclubs reminded me of some of those times when I didn't fit in during high school.

[Barbarian Number 8]

4 hours ago, Moreira said:

If you are talking like "targets" and "hit" you're not looking for love, justa a fuckbuddy.

Thank you for making me aware of how my wording can be percived. I guess my language got colored by one to many RSD clips.

What words would you use and still get the message across?

I am looking for a lifepartner btw.

What are your respons to the problem presented? Now that you know what I mean. Can you help me solve it?

[Barbarian Number 8]

3 hours ago, aurum said:

I do what you and most guys who struggle in this area refuse to do. I embrace the nightlife scene and I embrace living that "player" lifestyle.

The fact is that the best relationships I've ever had came from when I was in abundance with girls, not when I was just looking to lock down the first pretty girl that smiled at me.

I'm not in love with bars and nightclubs either. But I do it because this is where the most attractive, socially savvy women that I want to date tend to be. Second only to high end social circle / networking events.

What's funny is that when you actually know what to do, bars and nightclubs can be incredibly fun. But guys want to prematurely-judge this thing they don't even understand.

So some point I just accepted that getting a high quality girl is hard enough without me holding myself back. I wasn't going to place self-impose limits on myself just because nightclubs reminded me of some of those times when I didn't fit in during high school.

Thank you @aurum for a well made reply!

I think I will try to learn and explore socializing at networking events.

I have tried and failed at nightclubs all over the world. My stickingpoints give me such a disadvantage in that enviroment that it is painful/futile. The limitations are not selfimposed and are being improved (when possible) as much and as far as possible.

What I am aiming for here would be the "path of least resistanse".

I feel like I am looking for a certain kind of lady (the selfactualizing one) and are trying to figure out where/in what enviroment she is most common and go look there.

I guess that she will be scarce even there, that is why I am looking for the most target rich enviroment, anyplace else would be like finding a needle in a haystack, me thinks.

Thank you for adding a piece of the puzzle!

 

 

[Viking]

On 1/27/2018 at 1:24 PM, aurum said:

What's funny is that when you actually know what to do, bars and nightclubs can be incredibly fun. But guys want to prematurely-judge this thing they don't even understand.

what to do there? can you point to any sources i can read from? or tell your own experience? what do i do in those places if i have no friends to go with?

 

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Ilya Clubs are designed to get money from single men but also to create a cathedral for women to get attention, the egoboost of turning down suiters and free drinks.

For men...well... they sell a stage for men to demonstrate their bank-account prowess via bottleservice/tables/vip-area.

 

It is very difficult to see, hear and smell in that place. Thus knocking out your perception.

It is not a place for depth of personality but rather a sellingplace for premade concepts and stereotypes.

 

Mentioning something good, would be that the concentration of physicly beatyful women goes up. However.....when you actually study what is considered a beatyful woman, you will find that they very much looks alike. Kind of like a "blanc" face/doll.

 

Althou I fail to find a selfactualizing woman there, it does not mean that they are not there.

 

It is most fun to go with a gang of friends, but if you are good at pick-up in a club, it is easiest to go alone.

If you don´t...it will be expensive drinks, gamblig and wierdly OOgling other people. Next day your clothes smells of smoke and there is a crater in your wallet.

I am considering what could be fun there and would like to point out that the experience differ alot between a introvert and a extrovert.

I give you my own introvert perspective: When I was younger I liked to watch gyrating beuty and that was it. No other mental stimulation needed to thrill me.

Now it just annoys me, well it does not satify. I get actually bored.

 

Also I like to add, if you got the skillset and it amuses you to pick-up women in such a place, your experience will differ.

 

If you google RSD you will get a glimpse of the enviroment, you can also look for youtubeclips when you search for promos for the hot clubnames.

(I don´t insert clips beacuse they contain a lot of butt&boobs, usually)

 

In a way, it is an interesting experience to have, but maybe set a spending limit first.

[Nahm]

@Barbarian Number 8 It’s just dating until you are the source of your love. Then you have something to give and have a relationship. Have fun dating, do practices. The ‘right’ ones will all of sudden be around. 

[Ayilton]

You  can look anywhere and everywhere but you will definitely find it within your self  ! ???

 

[Shin]

On 27/01/2018 at 0:24 PM, aurum said:

I do what you and most guys who struggle in this area refuse to do. I embrace the nightlife scene and I embrace living that "player" lifestyle.

The fact is that the best relationships I've ever had came from when I was in abundance with girls, not when I was just looking to lock down the first pretty girl that smiled at me.

I'm not in love with bars and nightclubs either. But I do it because this is where the most attractive, socially savvy women that I want to date tend to be. Second only to high end social circle / networking events.

What's funny is that when you actually know what to do, bars and nightclubs can be incredibly fun. But guys want to prematurely-judge this thing they don't even understand.

So some point I just accepted that getting a high quality girl is hard enough without me holding myself back. I wasn't going to place self-impose limits on myself just because nightclubs reminded me of some of those times when I didn't fit in during high school.

There are dudes who simply don't want to date those kind of girls and genuinely don't like noisy/highly crowded environment.

So you can't just give that advice to anyone, what good will it do to a guy who's introvert to date a girl who likes to go to a club every saturday then the next day going to a party with 20 friends ?

 This relationship is doomed from the start.

 

[Girzo]

The only three options that have ever worked for me are shopping mall, city centre and music festivals.

I find clubs a bad place to do pickup. It's probably just my personal bias, but some clubs are terrible.

Library doesn't work, yoga classes too, people there are +35. At least in my country.

[aurum]

@Shin

What is your alternative suggestion?