Why Do I Have To Go Through All of This Just to be Happy?

[kieranperez]

Currently having a meltdown in my car. Been working this morning tackling my limiting beliefs and reading my personal development books and stuff and the more I was going with it, the more depressed I was getting. 

I don’t understand why I have to do all of this work just to like who I am, do the things I want to pursue, live the life I want to live, feel the way I want to feel, etc. I’m crying right now just feeling like I wish I was like most other people, and I never feel like that. Yeah other people’s lives may suck but hell at least a lot of them can enjoy certain pleasures of life and be successful. I can’t even do that. I don’t understand what I did wrong. I’m just so depressed to the point where I don’t even enjoy my passions anymore because of all this dysfunctional shit. Running is my passion and is the core of my life purpose and I want to take myself to the highest level possible simply because I love it but I keep sabotaging myself and don’t even let myself enjoy it. 

Doing personal development now just feels so fake and discouraging. I’ll sit down and read and feel upset because in my mind I think ‘I have to do this just so I can like who I am... why can’t I just like who I am?’ I’ve been trying the Sedona Method process for months now and have yet to get 1 conscious release. I go through the process so many times that I end up in tears because I just let go of these painful feelings, beliefs, etc. 

I feel so upset and discouraged because it doesn’t feel like this work is like me working towards me maximizing my potential. It feels like I have to do this work just to be among the common herd... and I cant even do that. 

[vizual]

A good step would be to stop comparing your own happiness, success, and fulfillment to those of other people. You don't know anything about how other people experience life, you don't know what they do when you don't see them. And you most surely don't know what they are thinking or how they are feeling. You only have your own subjective perceptions of how other people experience life. And the saying goes that the grass is always greener, that's just how the ego works. Your own ego is never satisfied, it's always looking around, trying to steer the light from itself. Because if the light is shone on the ego itself, it will be seen for what it is. A bag of lies which thrives on its own unhappiness.

[pluto]

Happiness is a choice. Why are you more happy on your birthday than other days for example?  because you know its your birthday and you simply choose to be happier. This is very simple, if it can be done that day, it can be done every other day.

Have the mindset that every day is your birthday and your going to receive all these wonderful things which naturally makes you more grateful for all that is and all that is coming your way, having the mindset that happiness is already there automatically puts you in that state as belief eventually turns into a knowing, once it becomes a knowing by universal law will work all the time.

If doubts arise, spend time in nature and meditate more. The most complex questions like eternal happiness, enlightenment, unconditional love ect.. are actually the most simple things in the universe, so profound and authentic that they are the most simple but unless you live and be in that simple way yourself, its not happening.

Most of what's asked and answered even on these forums just add more layers of distractions and illusionary complexities to what we all really want, all we have to do is realize that we already have and already are.

Be wise, Be simple, Be Free

Edited January 27, 2018 by pluto

[Nahm]

@kieranperez (Title).    Because you have created an imaginary scenario that you continue to believe. You don’t have to overcome a damn thing to be filled with love. You only have to stop insisting you are other than.

[jillmars7]

I ask myself the same thing all the damn time. Why does it take so much work just to fill this emptiness that just comes back all the time? I don't have an answer for you but I believe that the "powers that be" have achieved their goal of herding us like sheep. Look at the society we live in. It seems ridiculous doesn't it? 8 or more hours a day taken from our lives just to keep this machine called society going. It doesn't make sense. The reason why you and I and a lot of people feel the way we do is because this isn't natural. Our souls want more than what we're giving it but how can we when everything is so fixed on money? I feel you. I break down and cry many times before going to work, just enraged at the fact that I have to spend my precious time there. Sometimes I wish money isn't needed to survive, just so I could spend a lot of my time meditating or just admiring life as it goes by. But it's full of people and things that piss me off all of the time. I too am sad that it takes so much just to be happy.

[Privet]

You deeply believe that your life is wrong and should be some other way.

Is it possible to become happy by hating what you have?

Does this thought make you happy?

Other people are happy because they don't think this stupid thought.

Why do you think this stupid thought?

Could that be because you didn't even notice how you think this thought?

Why did you not notice how you think this thought?

Could that be because you don't practice meditation and prefer to think stupid negative thoughts instead?

Go practice at least 30 minutes of thought observation a day and break the habit of thinking those stupid thoughts.

[GrowingUp]

The challenge with "personal development" is that there can be a belief that if I'm feeling bad, that's bad - and that "feeling good" is the end goal of personal development. There's an idea sold that "If I do enough self-help, I'll feel up, motivated, excited, etc. most of the time - if not all of the time" or "If I'm ever feeling down, I'll be able to instantly change my state and emotion".

The reality is that your emotions are a direct feedback of your thoughts - and when your thoughts are "down" - you feel down. When your thoughts are "up" - you feel up. If you have more down thoughts than up thoughts, you'll feel more down than up.

IF you're doing self-help to stop feeling down - but you still feel down regularly - you'll actually make the situation worse. You'll be angry, upset, sad, frustrated, etc. about your down feelings. It's called a "secondary disturbance". You're angry you're sad or you're upset you're in a bad mood. So you just stack more "negative" on top of "negatives".

When you understand that the human experience is contrast... sometimes up and sometimes down... you stop resisting your "down" feelings - and start accepting them as part of being human. After all, you wouldn't even know what "happy" felt like if there wasn't a constrasting "sad" feeling. We only feel the "up" feelings fully because of the contrast they have with our regular "down" feelings.

The goal of self-help and personal development isn't to transcend the human experience. It's to understand the human experience so you can surf it more intelligently. We want to life hack ourselves to superhuman - but often the way out of suffering is to simply understand all parts of the human experience and accept it "as is".

The weird thing is that when you stop resisting or distracting from "negative" emotions - you start to see them as the transitory emotions they are. When you stop obsessing about why you aren't happier - you allow for anxiety and sadness to appear - and then flow away as your thoughts change. Sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down. Sometimes you're neutral. But you start to see it as all a part of the river of life - not good or bad - just existing. And you stop all of the negative thoughts and beliefs around your experience that make you feel even worse.

When I feel anxiety, I think "Hello again anxiety. Nice to see you" - and I let myself feel and be in that anxiety. And weirdly, anxiety only rests for a moment before moving on. 

When you start accepting your human experience - and stop resisting it - you'll start to open up to the fact that you're perfectly fine as you are and there's nothing to be fixed. 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@kieranperez I really like all of the answers that you received! So much so, that I have nothing to add except gratitude for your willingness to share, and the awesome support...like truth that came gift wrapped in love  

[Happy]

I can relate to you though I would suggest you check it with someone obejective that can offer you some soultions from the 'side'.. actually I had the same thoughts earlier and what really helped me personally was a free trial program to find my happiness, would suggest you check it: https://mentorself.com