The 5-MeO Saga

[Barna]

So, I've been chatting with @beaucoup for a few days now and he had some very interesting questions. Here's how I tried to answer them:

On 1/24/2018 at 1:23 AM, Barna said:

I think I'm still afraid of extreme pains. Even though I know that it can't hurt me. Sensation can't hurt the space in which it occurs. 
I'm not afraid of other things consciously. I have unconscious, habitual fears like stress and resisting against things. But I'm resolving them day by day. 
I can understand why people say that every fear is rooted in the fear of death. If you have the courage to die and become nothing, then you will realize that the Nothing is the source of everything. More precisely the Nothing IS Everything. After this, how can you be afraid of anything, if everything is you? Even in the moment of pain: the higher the flame of pain burns, the larger and stronger you become, because you ARE the pain that you're feeling.

About the energy. Many teachers say that when the energy moves your body, it feels like a flow. For a long time, I didn't really understand it, until I realized that when the water is flowing, it doesn't make any effort. The water is always flowing effortlessly because the gravity is moving it.
In the same way, when the energy moves me, it feels effortless. I'm just watching the flow.
Anybody can do this. Just let go of all effort. Watch what's happening when you're not making any effort to think, feel or move. And when you're not making any effort to stop the thinking, feeling or moving. And don't even make any effort to watch. Let it happen on it's own. 
When you're not making any effort, everything what's happening feels like it's effortlessly flowing.

About my psychedelic experiences. I started it with 5-meo. With a breakthrough dose... 
You might be surprised now. But you're not as surprised as I was when I first inhaled that stuff. :)) 
My only psychedelic experience before that was smoking weed a few times with friends. 

About the trips. The thing is that I don't know what's there to be gained from the breakthroughs. A breakthrough cannot be understood. The mind can't even remember it, because it cannot conceptualize it and it cannot have an image of it. The Infinity is too large for the mind.
Imagine that you want to take a picture of your surroundings. You will realize that a 2D camera cannot do that, because you're in a 3D space, so you need a 3D camera to take the picture of the 3D space in which you are.
The mind can also take 2D pictures, and it can even make a 3D image from a few 2D pictures. But that's as far as it gets. We can't piece together 3D images into a 4D image. We can't even imagine how would we move in a 4D space.
Now, how would you put a 10D image into this 3D mind?
See, that's what I mean when I say that the mind cannot conceptualize the experience of infinity and it cannot have an image of it to remember it.

What I can better conceptualize and remember is the going up and coming down from the peaks. And it's the same even when I don't have a breakthrough, only the intensity differs. 
Going towards the peak feels like the grip of the body on you is getting weaker and weaker. It feels like your body starts to transform into air or into light.
And you start to become a vibration. And this vibration is getting faster and faster until you can't hold back its acceleration. And when you don't hold it back, it accelerates infinitely faster. And you realize your infinite power, and you will make it even faster. And then you let go of the whole experience and then it will become infinitely faster... And what I just described is only an insignificantly small part of the whole experience...

The coming back from the peak is something more gentle. It feels like the body starts to lovingly hug you. It hugs you back to life. It feels like everything around you and the whole existence is here only to love you.  

About the thoughts. After a 5-meo trip I always realize that the mind is just a cute little toy compared to the nature of Reality. The mind that wants to understand it is like a little kid pretending to do grownup stuff. It's just cute, and so funny.  
So after the trips my thinking slows down, because there is nothing to fuel it. 
And it seems like my thinking became slower in general, but it allows deeper thoughts to emerge. 

I really enjoyed answering your questions, if you have more, just shoot!  

[Martin123]

@Barna Hey man good to see you here! How have you been? :-)

 

[AlwaysBeNice]

From what I've heard from reputable sources is that the mind can dissolve in it complete and then you live as That, full awakening.

[Barna]

On 1/26/2018 at 0:54 AM, Martin123 said:

@Barna Hey man good to see you here! How have you been? :-)

 

I went back to Earth to make some work-related progress.

 

On 1/26/2018 at 1:01 AM, AlwaysBeNice said:

From what I've heard from reputable sources is that the mind can dissolve in it complete and then you live as That, full awakening.

Might be, I don't know