HELP! about opposite sex and conversations

[Omario]

Hi I'm a teenager. In my early years. (6-10) all the girls had crushes on me in my class. I was confident, assertive, playful, adventurous etc... unlike the other boys in my class.  But due to my oversensitivity which derived from constant early childhood abuse, i always cared what people thought of me. Suddenly the one girl i actually admired stared to pick-out all the tiniest details in me and make fun of them. This drove me mad. I became hyper self-conscious around her judging myself before she would and eventually i became like that around all girls, and now to the same sex as well.

What do i do?

I cant have conversations with a girl without feeling like Im weird or not good enough.

When i do have a conversation im always pleasing the girl. And its so weird now since i have seen dozens of videos on the internet about this stuff and this has only made me more self conscious since i now have a bunch of rules telling me how not to behave.

How do i go about becoming a complete player. and taking back my confidence and adventuresome personality.

[SFRL]

Look into cocky comedy/cocky funny. 

The girls probably liked you when you were younger because you were pulling their hair on the playground. 

Cocky funny is basically the same thing. 

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Omario You are wierd and probably have a pimple on your nose too.

You are supposed to be like that at that age.

The spotlight-effect will pass and if you are outgoing you will loose the wierdness faster.

 

I agree with @SFRL , she probably liked you.

Later in life, you will think it very funny that a girl who teased you scared the poop out of you

 

You need two basic things, besides time, to remedy this:

1. Get a life.

2. Become a person with substance. This one is connected to time thou. Life experience comes with it. Also see point 1.

 

Happy growing!

[Omario]

@Barbarian Number 8 That answer to my question was probably the most useless advice i have ever heard.

Thanks in advance

[aurum]

@Omario

There's two ways of going about this, both with their own problems. I recommend doing both.

1) You have to find a way to start generating a positive feedback loop for being confident. For instance, maybe you're confident one day and it leads you to ask a girl out. She says yes. You feel good. Now next time you're in that situation, you have positive reinforcement that being confident is a good idea.

So it looks like this:

Exhibit desired personality trait -> positive result -> positive emotion -> positive reinforcement for desired personality trait and self-image.

It sounds messed up, but it's almost like you're training a dog. But the dog is you.

The downside of this is that when you don't have positive reinforcement, you can sometimes lose your mojo. So even though it can take you up, it can also take you down.

2) Realize that your confidence doesn't come from "you". You mentioned that you were confident as a kid, so you already know how to be confident. What you need is to let go of the thoughts that say you aren't there already. This is more of a spiritual process, so things like meditation can really help.

The downside of doing it this way is that it can be hard for the mind to accept this. Many of these beliefs are deeply rooted.

So that's why I recommend a mixed strategy. Meditation is great, but let's also not forget that competence breeds confidence. Attack it from both angles and things will shift for you.

 

[Omario]

@aurum great advice. thanks alot

[Barbarian Number 8]

On 2018-01-24 at 10:05 PM, Omario said:

@Barbarian Number 8 That answer to my question was probably the most useless advice i have ever heard.

Thanks in advance

No it was not.

But I don´t think that you liked or comprehended it. It really is not the time in your development to do so.

...hmmm....wait a minute...jaa...you are right...it was useless to you.

Read my reply in ten years time. I will collect my "Thanks in advance" at that time, beacuse then I can (hopefully).

 

If you like to get part of my reply: look into RSD and keep study Leos clips about selfdevelopment.

To your question : "How do i go about becoming a complete player"... Leo got one clip about pickup artists. It will give a good picture of that level of thinking.

[Spiral]

Start doing things that have nothing to do with girls, achieve things, create positive habits. Confidence is all about what you feel like you can achieve and if you have a history of success you'll be more confident. 

[Omario]

@Barbarian Number 8 not really no