Feel the urge to cry constantly in public (Because of coming out as gay)

[Jamie Universe]

Ok so long story short. I'm 16 and I'm gay, and I came out to my friend recently. a couple of weeks leading up to that I was feeling really scared/nervous/emotional whenever I heard even someone mention LGBTQ stuff, why? Still not hundred percent sure but my current conclusion is that I'm insecure, not exactly sure the full details yet though... But then I had a period where it was so bad I decided that coming out would be better than this. And so I did. 

And it honestly caught me by surprise, because I expected for all the pain to go away, but I came to school nervous, which I told myself was fine, that nervousness was also really bad. And the nervousness is slowly going down...

But there's this other thing that happens to me, where I'll be in class or somewhere and out of know here this emotional surge attacks me and I feel it go to my eyes, I haven't had any incidents where I end up just crying in class. But it happens way to frequently and its taking up priority number 1 on my list of problems, which I really don't want.

I've managed to do two things which sort of help. And maybe will give you more clues about what I should.

1. Whenever I practice Do-Nothing meditation my mind always has a big relief if I'm currently stressed about a significant problem, I'm pretty sure its because my mind is working and trying to control all the little things going on inside of me, so whenever I feel like I'm about to cry I tell myself "I am doing nothing (or something similar)" and I can feel the emotional surge back down like relief. However its almost always in social situations, and I'm usually involved and multi-tasking in other stuff, and so it doesn't always work.

2. Sometimes I can feel and direct the emotional surge to other parts of my body, but that's only worked a couple of times, and its kind of hard and doesn't work great when I'm multi-tasking

 

 

Notes:

- The person I told was really cool about it, and I did it over text. Which during I was just really nervous, but didn't have any emotional breakdown. I don't know if I needed to talk in person about it, and maybe I still haven't released all the emotional insecurity?

- My eyes feel kind of dry a lot, which triggers the emotional response. It could honestly be an emotional reaction because of my eyes being dry, because it has happened before, where my eyes get dry and I can feel my face get hot, and an emotional reaction

 

 

 

I will take any advice regarding long-term solution, but its really important that I can get a short-term solution. And if there isn't any short term solutions, then I'm fucked lol, there's a lot else going on and I honestly might break into tears in public, which I know will hurt me like hell. If you can't think of any short-term/long-term solutions. Any advice one what this is, or how to figure it out, will be greatly appreciated.

Edited January 24, 2018 by Jamie Universe

[Nahm]

@Jamie Universe First, that’s awesome and I am very happy for you.    Sounds like a huge wieght is off. It’s gonna take time to process menatally and thourgh the body, all that relief. Cryin’s very useful. Try and trigger it when you not in class, etc. You’re a beautiful, one of a kind, just like the rest of us. Like the rest of us, you’ve got to get on top of the thinking game. Try terms of two categories; Is a thought ‘aligning and feels good about yourself”, or is it “doubt based, and does not feel good”.  Have the faith and sensibility to trust that picking thoughts that feel good are actually the right way to go. Meditation, not believing thoughts, would be most helpful. Hang in there! It only gets better from here. 

[Jamie Universe]

@Nahm Thanks! Though I don't really know how to trigger crying, I mean sure stuff makes me cry in the moment, but is there any technique I can do for that? Because I want to get the emotional relief, but I don't really know what or how to do that out of class.

Edited January 24, 2018 by Jamie Universe

[Nahm]

@Jamie Universe ?????☺️??

https://m.wikihow.com/Cry-and-Let-It-All-Out

 

[Jamie Universe]

@Nahm Thanks!

[BjarkeT]

 

best thing i know of 

basically he talks about fully feel every single emotion with zero resistance while being at the present moment 24/7 (not in imagination but in right this moment) and the reason why one suffers is because one resists emotions

if negative emotions eventual takes too much energy from you could try deep relaxing (may have rembered the name wrong) it's basically really focusing on your body and feeling where you are tense and then taking deep breaths and make your self calm while trying to completely relax your body(and mind) so you aren't tense any places and keep taking deep breaths untill you feel fully relaxed 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm

 

this may also be a solution but it may take longer than the others but still very useful 

he talks about finding the root causes (it may be a long thread) for your problems and then solving it from there

 

Edited January 24, 2018 by BjarkeT

[Jamie Universe]

@BjarkeT Thanks! I've watched that video and have applied it a couple of times, though I honestly need to re-read my notes on it

[BjarkeT]

I am still pratice it after a while it may take some time to get there but I would say it's worth it  

[Nahm]

@Jamie Universe How ya doing man? Good day today? ❤️

[Jamie Universe]

@Nahm Yea, a bunch of weird stuff happened today. Ok so first, I don't think it was the urge to cry. I was in class, and I was panicked because I feel my eyes feeling weird again. And I was trying everything, trying to do anything that could make my eyes less dry/feeling weird. One of the things I tried was pretending to shoot laser beams/light out of my eyes, and it worked?...

I know that's some weird shit. I don't really expect you to believe me unless you know what it is, and I don't know if its some spiritual stuff, science stuff, or whatever, but it worked 70% percent of the time. And I didn't really care how it worked at the time, because it did work for the most part. Any Ideas? I could also go into more detail if needed, there's a bunch of other little things I was taking mental notes of.

 

Though there is a nervous apart of me still with the whole coming out stuff. And I had a class today with the person I told, and I was actually not to nervous, just the stupid eye thing... 

[Nahm]

I don’t know about the eyes, thats awesome that it worked though. ?? I’m sure your processing, right? Give it a few. 

[Jamie Universe]

@Nahm Alright. I think stuff will work out for now. I guess I don't really need to know what the eye thing is, but hey it works so why not use it. Thanks for the help! Even if it wasn't needed for this situation I'm still glad I got the thing about crying.

[petragr]

First if all I absolutely love gay people, they are highly intelligent, very refined  ,absolutely sensitive .

 I wish all.men could be gay!

 Then I learned in a bio psychology class that gayness develops during the growth of baby at a certain point if the mother experiences  stress during pregnancy something changes and the boy will be gay.

I am not sure if this helps but my best friends are gay .  Love you guys very much.....

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Jamie Universe  I have never found a mentally well grounded teenager. They always leaks massive amounts of fluids from one end or another.

Soooo, you might feel at ease. When your hormones calm down and schools out...then there might be reasons to worry.

One trick would be to tilt your head back and nose up. This makes the tearcanals to empty on the inside in the throat instead.

In adult life it doesen´t seems to be of matter what ones sexualpreference is. I might not be the norm in this case thou, beacuse I don´t care about other peoples sexualorientation.

Good luck with exploring life!

[Shin]

Are you doing shadow work on this ? 

Like forcing you to see you coming out again and again.

Or seeing yourself getting rejected ?

That's the technique I use whenever something bothers me.

It's really painful, but it works great.

[Preety_India]

Doing shadow work on this would really help. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just social perceptions that create a sense of despair but it's really all unnecessary. 

[Shin]

Yeah, you're fine as you are op.

Whatever you like is fine, if other people have any problem with that it's their own problems they are projecting on you.

There is nothing wrong to be gay, bi or whatever, in the end it's still love, and that's what counts

(I know it's cliche and all, but I don't know what else to say and i wanted you to feel good )

Edited February 21, 2018 by Shin

[Jamie Universe]

On ‎2‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 0:34 PM, Shin said:

Yeah, you're fine as you are op.

Whatever you like is fine, if other people have any problem with that it's their own problems they are projecting on you.

There is nothing wrong to be gay, bi or whatever, in the end it's still love, and that's what counts

(I know it's cliche and all, but I don't know what else to say and i wanted you to feel good )

Thanks!

On ‎2‎/‎20‎/‎2018 at 4:25 PM, Shin said:

Are you doing shadow work on this ? 

Like forcing you to see you coming out again and again.

Or seeing yourself getting rejected ?

That's the technique I use whenever something bothers me.

It's really painful, but it works great.

No, I don't feel very insecure with it as far as I can tell, but I've yet to tell my parents (not necessarily because I'm afraid of rejection, but I have some grudges against my parents and sort of have this fear of connecting with them, or just don't really like them so much right, now, which I know is like a cliché for teenagers). 

I've sort of made this plan that I'd tell them right before I go to college, so at least I wouldn't have to spend a ton of my time around them, and fear the awkwardness of 'being gay' around them. 

But I'll try out that technique, it sounds useful. 

 

On ‎2‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 0:16 PM, Preety_India said:

Doing shadow work on this would really help. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just social perceptions that create a sense of despair but it's really all unnecessary. 

I'm usually in a constant self-talk situation whenever I'm in a social environment and its awkward or something. I think I got a grip on the whole 'social-perception' thing, for the most part.

 

On ‎1‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 8:10 PM, petragr said:

First if all I absolutely love gay people, they are highly intelligent, very refined  ,absolutely sensitive .

 I wish all.men could be gay!

 Then I learned in a bio psychology class that gayness develops during the growth of baby at a certain point if the mother experiences  stress during pregnancy something changes and the boy will be gay.

I am not sure if this helps but my best friends are gay .  Love you guys very much.....

Thanks!! Though I'm sure theirs some douche-bags out their that are gay. 

Also I think if all men we're gay humanity would die lol. But then again, right now technically all the gays/lesbians are saving the world because of overpopulation

That's interesting about the biology thing though, I did a little research on causes of being gay, and I didn't really find any concrete results. 

 

On ‎2‎/‎20‎/‎2018 at 4:07 PM, Barbarian Number 8 said:

@Jamie Universe  I have never found a mentally well grounded teenager. They always leaks massive amounts of fluids from one end or another.

Soooo, you might feel at ease. When your hormones calm down and schools out...then there might be reasons to worry.

One trick would be to tilt your head back and nose up. This makes the tearcanals to empty on the inside in the throat instead.

In adult life it doesen´t seems to be of matter what ones sexualpreference is. I might not be the norm in this case thou, beacuse I don´t care about other peoples sexualorientation.

Good luck with exploring life!

I can't really tell, but I feel like a solid amount of my friends could be emotionally unstable occasionally, I mean usually when I'm talking to them they seem fine/enthusiastic. Though other times I feel like they've all mastered their emotional stability, but I mean who knows. Though I know for myself I still have work to do.

 

 

Also P.S. I feel somewhat obliged to tell people that I'm actually bisexual. At the time I written this post I did actually think I was gay, but I thought more about it, and remembered there was times in the past where like several times I was somewhat attracted to a girl, and I had a crush on a girl once. But I also learnt there's a spectrum to bisexuality, and I'm pretty much just gay, the other side is near invisible.

Also for anyone who is curious, I've pretty much concluded that the thing with my eyes is mostly a form of anxiety 1) Usually only happens when in some anxious social situation 2) it also happens at random times when I feel fine, and maybe if its cold outside they start to water. I also read somewhere that going through big emotional traumas can affect your immune system and make you cry easier.

It starts to go away once your more comfortable in your social situation, also its really helpful to have a water bottle around.

And with the whole eye laser thing... Well the best logical conclusion I can give you, is that maybe its some form of suppression, because when you feeling something negative you can sort of control your emotions by suppressing it. Idk... I know it sounds weird.. 

[Soulbass]

 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Jamie Universe I'm super happy for you too...crying is ok...If this persists as an emotional issue though...it may help to imagine how terrible it would be if you had to continue living inauthentically...hiding your true self...  the opposite of coming out into the rainbow sunlight, is hiding everything inside a dark closet, right? This is likely part of why pride parades exist...do you have them there? If so, i by the time that one happens next,  I  hope you can attend in true blissful authentic celebration