Girlfriend wants me to sleep on the floor

[Marinus]

So since 3 weeks I have a girlfriend, the first time I stayed over she wanted me to sleep on the floor, but I was insulted and left. The second time I stayed over she wanted it again, but I slept on a bean bag. Since then I slept next to her with my clothes on, because she wants to. 

She always makes a joke before we go to sleep, which is "you are going to attack me" which means that I'm going to fo sexual things to her in her sleep. 

Of course I wouldn't, after a while noticed that it isn't really a joke but a fear she has. She gets intimidated by my confidence sometimes, while she knows I'm scared and a virgin. 

So she brought the topic about sleeping on the floor up again amd I thought maybe this will great trust, though I am not looking forward at all. I asked her if it was something positive to do and she got all exited and happy about it. 

 The problem is that she is very mysterious and doesn't react to questions I want answers to. For example I wanted to know if she had sex before or not, while knowing I had not which she is very glad with. For some reason she doesn't want to tell me.

 She also fears that I will leave her once I get bored with her. According to her I often don't get it, which is because I lack experience with girls. 

So I agreed to sleep on the floor wich sounds like a stupid idea and very uncomfortable. By the way it's a one time thing. 

So are there any people here that can help me to understand this?  

The good thing is that she really enjoys my company. 

Edited January 23, 2018 by Marinus
Btw

[egoeimai]

This is ridiculous, please don't sleep on the floor because she told u so. Wtf?  Your girlfriend is weird why tf is she even saying that to you?  I mean she is insecure and stuff so what happens if you are going to sleep on the floor?  That doesn't mean that there's a difference, f#cking logic?  What makes her so sure that she is safe that way?  I think she has a lot of problems and u should stay way from her. 

[Guest Annetta]

She was probably raped and doesn't want to talk about it.  Something happened, if not that.  

Take it slow with her and earn her trust over time.

Gl

[Leo-Tzu]

Bean bag. . .

[SFRL]

4 hours ago, Marinus said:

So since 3 weeks I have a girlfriend, the first time I stayed over she wanted me to sleep on the floor, but I was insulted and left. The second time I stayed over she wanted it again, but I slept on a bean bag. Since then I slept next to her with my clothes on, because she wants to. 

She always makes a joke before we go to sleep, which is "you are going to attack me" which means that I'm going to fo sexual things to her in her sleep. 

Of course I wouldn't, after a while noticed that it isn't really a joke but a fear she has. She gets intimidated by my confidence sometimes, while she knows I'm scared and a virgin. 

So she brought the topic about sleeping on the floor up again amd I thought maybe this will great trust, though I am not looking forward at all. I asked her if it was something positive to do and she got all exited and happy about it. 

 The problem is that she is very mysterious and doesn't react to questions I want answers to. For example I wanted to know if she had sex before or not, while knowing I had not which she is very glad with. For some reason she doesn't want to tell me.

 She also fears that I will leave her once I get bored with her. According to her I often don't get it, which is because I lack experience with girls. 

So I agreed to sleep on the floor wich sounds like a stupid idea and very uncomfortable. By the way it's a one time thing. 

So are there any people here that can help me to understand this?  

The good thing is that she really enjoys my company. 

'The rules' are different when you are a virgin. You should take this one slow. 

You don't need to sleep on the floor or whatever though. You can just sleep at your own place. Don't even get angry about it or anything. Just sleep at your place and meet her the next day again, or later. 

She has to give it up sometime though. If she still holds out after a couple of months then it becomes really problematic. 

Edited January 23, 2018 by SFRL

[Marinus]

@Annetta unfortunately this is something I suspect and it hurts to think about it. I think you're right. 

 

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Marinus said:

@Annetta unfortunately this is something I suspect and it hurts to think about it. I think you're right. 

 

If this is actually true.

Run and never look back. Thos girls are so fucked up they will ruin your life in inimaginable ways.

E.g. If you get the sleep in the floor treatment for month your self-esteem is gonna become garbage very fast and your relationship will become extremely toxic any way.

[Guest Annetta]

@Marinus If that happens to be what it is, you'll have to go really slow with her and ask her what her boundaries are.  Women like that - 'if' that is what it is have a hard time trusting and opening up.

(This is hypothetical) Like Lynnel mentioned there is a risk that she is too messed up and will not be able to trust, and so you won't have the opportunity to connect and you will never be able to truly make her happy.  In which case there is nothing you can do.  If broken women were repairable they would call them repaired women.

[Spiral]

She can also just be messing with you, either way I would stay very long in the evening if I can't use a bed. No sex is fine but if I'm gonna spend the night I have want a bed to sleep in.

I have a tendency to abuse power not to this extent or really intentionally but still. Like purposely making taken girls horny but not sleeping with them.

Edited January 23, 2018 by Spiral

[aurum]

@Marinus

Dude, what the fuck. Everything about this is backwards.

Even if this girl really does have a legit excuse to not have sex, which I can almost guarantee she doesn't, the fact that you're dating her is a MAJOR problem.

You should have been having sex WAY before you became monogamous. And you should have been seeing other girls while that was happening.

If you stay in this relationship, my prediction is that you are going to be extremely unhappy. The choice is yours.

[Shroomdoctor]

10 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Marinus

Dude, what the fuck. Everything about this is backwards.

Even if this girl really does have a legit excuse to not have sex, which I can almost guarantee she doesn't, the fact that you're dating her is a MAJOR problem.

You should have been having sex WAY before you became monogamous. And you should have been seeing other girls while that was happening.

If you stay in this relationship, my prediction is that you are going to be extremely unhappy. The choice is yours.

amen.

[SFRL]

6 hours ago, blazed said:

Can't really get angry at her for asking you to sleep on the floor, you could always just agree before you visit her place, or go sleep at your own place at the end of the night.

This is quite similar to getting angry at a girl for not wanting to have sex with you, i get your frustration, believe me, but you'll be the one in the wrong here, and selfish.

As to the reason why she's not answering about whether she had sex the reasons might:

1) She probably did have sex, plenty of it, and doesn't want to make herself look bad (slutty).

2) She is a virgin and embarassed about it (highly doubt it since she knows you're a virgin too)

3) Trauma with rape or something (rape is also rare so probably just the fact that she's experienced with other men).

@Marinus you have to figure out which one of those 3 @blazed pointed out it is. Because it greatly depends on which course of action you need/want to follow. 

[Elisabeth]

11 hours ago, Marinus said:

So she brought the topic about sleeping on the floor up again amd I thought maybe this will great trust, though I am not looking forward at all. I asked her if it was something positive to do and she got all exited and happy about it. 

2

Is that like a "sleep on the floor because I want to test if you'll do that for me" messed up kind of thing, or a "I really don't like sleeping in the same 90cm bed because there's not enough space, please bring a mat" kind of thing? 

You've been together for three weeks, so all kinds of insecurities can be there of course. 

[SFRL]

On a sidenote: I was part of a forum once where if a member wanted dating advice about a particular girl, then he had to post a picture of the girl along with the question, preferably a sexy picture ?

I believe we should let @Marinus slide this time, BUT......

I think it's a good idea going forward for this forum ? I can give much better advice when I can picture the girl ?

Edited January 23, 2018 by SFRL

[sarapr]

@SFRL I'm just starting to see how messed up men's idea about women is .

[nomish]

Next time she asks you sleep on the floor tell her that only dogs sleep on the floor! Only kidding, but really, I would have probably ditched her there and then. Too much work! Off to the next one, plenty of fish in the sea!

If you want to continue having a hard time with her that is your choice, but have a conversation with her about sleeping on the bed. Tell her you are not interested in sex right now anyway and you would only be interested when she was ready because after all its a mutual thing.

With that said plenty of respect to you because you slept on the floor more than once. Not sure I could even do it once.

[SFRL]

4 hours ago, sarapr said:

@SFRL I'm just starting to see how messed up men's idea about women is .

Am I going to get punished now? ?

4 hours ago, blazed said:

Yeah! send nudes or it didn't happen.

@blazed Nudes!!! You have no boundaries!!! You pervert!!! Shame on you!!! ?

Edited January 24, 2018 by SFRL

[alyra]

I sleep on the floor every night. I prefer it! just be careful of drafts and be consious of the risk to breathe in junk from the carpet. 

tho I need to sleep on a mattress. I have bad habits during the day, that the hard floor aggravates body stress issues I am struggling to overcome. shameful me 

 

I would sleep on the floor. she wants you to, until she can trust you (and perhaps herself) to be in the same bed. so, then it is a good thing to do so. it isn't an insult but a boundary. a boundary is only an insult if you refuse to respect it  she isn't comfortable with you sharing the bed. 

 

maybe ask, if you can sleep on a couch instead, if she has one. or ask if she can provide some bedding for you, to keep the dirt caught in the carpet, or if it is hardwood the heat-drain of the floor and the dust, at bay. don't wanna tax your sinuses and have cold-like symptoms from the floor. or even an actual cold

[SFRL]

@Marinus you should offer her to  get to a compromise and have sex on the floor. 

[pluto]

Invite her over your place and get her to sleep on the floor. Observe how she reacts

Almost all relationships today are a mess because the individuals are not spiritually mature yet. They are acting out of a program based on how they have been conditioned to believe a relationship should be like, so its filled with society's collective attitudes, expectations and attachments ect.. and it just becomes a big mess because its filled with masks and masks are not the authentic self so it becomes a constant disharmonious battle especially if one is realized or at-least working on self-actualization and the other is not.

When you become self-realized, you see through all bullshit, so you won't be able to tolerate bullshit and bullshit won't be able to stand your truth because your truth stands for honesty and authenticity and bullshit stands for the mask.

It is best to become spiritually mature and find peace/light and freedom within yourself first so you can actually attract someone on a similar wavelength that can provide a more harmonious relationship. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with playing the game and having a bit of fun but the moment you give them the power to destroy you, the moment they have control over your peace is the moment you have fallen into the trap of the mask and its twisted games.