Help. Am I Bipolar? Or part of awakening.

[onacloudynight]

Does this sound common to anyone? For basically over a year and a half, my emotions are all over the place.I can be extremely high and blissful, feeling love for everything, then I fall down into depression where I don't feel like doing anything. This is really causing problems in my life. I feel really sensitive to everything and am not able to work because I feel too sensitive to everyones emotions and I can get irritable easily. I know all of these symptoms can be a byproduct of meditation and enlightenment work, but at what point do I just say fuck it and start taking medication, I can't function like this, everyone thinks I am crazy sometimes. I was at a restaurant with my family and had to excuse myself, because I was overcome with an enormous amount of bliss and love and I just wanted lie down and laugh at everything. It would be one thing if I was in bliss and love all the time, but I fall right back down into depression. I just want to be stable. I never seem to have any sense of stability. It is always up and down. It really is confusing if this is a mental illness or is part of the awakening process.

Edited January 23, 2018 by onacloudynight

[pluto]

8 minutes ago, OnewithVerse said:

Bipolar is just a label and part of your ego which is dissolving.... Just accept any emotions you experience and witness them from a neutral vantage without judging.. it'll pass... your body is purging all the accumulated garbage out... so just shine that light of awareness on them and let them pass..

Love your posts brother keep spreading that Light!

[onacloudynight]

@OnewithVerse I have been doing that for almost 2 years lol. I don't know how anyone could live like this forever. I have no middle ground. I am either up in the clouds are in the depths of hell. I guess ill just ride this rollercoaster ride for eternity.

[nightrider1435]

Sounds like a typical awakening, I'm the exact same way. I probably could get diagnosed with bi-polar If I told a psychiatrist everything going on in my mind. You probably know you're not bi polar, I wouldn't take any medications for that. No one else in my life is going through this and it gets damn frustrating sometimes, I feel you man. 

 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjerQpCYV_kL-IbQZNVHVPQ/featured

Check out this youtube channel, may help you out. Its a guy named Victor, he helps people who are going through a spiritual awakening ascension, which can lead to some crazy symptoms, basically what you just described.  

 

 

[star ark]

Are you in your late 20s or early 30s?

Those age groups are the common ages for bi polar or schizoid disorders to emerge 

Have you tried all the lame exercise, vegan, no dairy, no this, no that, boring stuff? 

The boring stuff helped me and it also freed me from self deceptions that I needed some out there thing to make life seem worth living. 

 

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, OnewithVerse said:

Bipolar is just a label

I know someone who is diagnosed as bipolar and off her medication she became a threat to seriously harm herself and others. She is much more stable on her new med. 

There are neurological pathologies that are not just labels. 

[Forestluv]

@onacloudynight I’m not aware of any medical professionals on the forum, so I would recommend taking advice here with a grain of salt.

My personal view from experience is that western doctors are too quick to diagnose and try to fix with medication, which can lead to an ongoing cycle of medications that can ultimately be difficult to become free of.

For me, psychiatrists and medication would be too big of a big jump to start. If I felt the need for professional help, I would first see a counselor and build a trust relationship. IME counselors with an Msw are more holistic and open-minded to various treatment options - including things like introspection, journaling, yoga, lifestyle changes as well as medication. I’ve found psychologists can be trained deeper, yet narrower in a school of thought. 

Both couselors and psycholgists work under strict confidentiality laws. You can be *crazy* with them. As long as you are not a threat to kill yourself or others, your craziness won’t leave the office.

[onacloudynight]

43 minutes ago, star ark said:

Are you in your late 20s or early 30s?

Those age groups are the common ages for bi polar or schizoid disorders to emerge 

Have you tried all the lame exercise, vegan, no dairy, no this, no that, boring stuff? 

The boring stuff helped me and it also freed me from self deceptions that I needed some out there thing to make life seem worth living. 

 

 I am 20 years old. I have done exercise in the past and it helped a little, but I still got depressed. I have just been having an existential crises. Everything just seems extra meaningless. My diet could be better, but I eat relatively healthy. I am just really isolated. No one seems to understand me. Hard to talk about stuff like this without people thinking you're crazy.

 

[onacloudynight]

1 minute ago, Serotoninluv said:

@onacloudynight I’m not aware of any medical professionals on the forum, so I would recommend taking advice here with a grain of salt.

My personal view from experience is that western doctors are too quick to diagnose and try to fix with medication, which can lead to an ongoing cycle of medications that can ultimately be difficult to become free of.

For me, psychiatrists and medication would be too big of a big jump to start. If I felt the need for professional help, I would first see a counselor and build a trust relationship. IME counselors with an Msw are more holistic and open-minded to various treatment options - including things like introspection, journaling, yoga, lifestyle changes as well as medication. I’ve found psychologists can be trained deeper, yet narrower in a school of thought.

It would be one thing if this was just an every once in awhile occurrence and I have seen therapists in the past, but I just keep going through these cycles and it has lasted for almost 2 years with hardly any stability. I am thinking about just trying medication to see if it will help. it could very well be a biological issue. I can always get off of it.

[Adam M]

@onacloudynight Seems pretty normal to me. My friend and I both experience these drastic ups and downs. Eventually you will accept the ups and the downs as a mediator accepts passing thoughts (without clinging).

When you are down, you will come back up a little higher

When you are high, make sure you have your helmet on for when you crash down

My ups will last for a week and my downs will last for 1-5 days

I've noticed this as well as I have been meditating for the last year and a half as well

[Nexeternity]

Maybe try more grounding?  Breathing exercises, regular exercise, be really choosy about your food.

journal a lot, try and keep reminding yourself of your vision for when you get negative.

try doing healing/shadow work to integrate all that negative stuff faster so you can stabilize quicker.

not sure what else to say.  Maybe setup daily routines and stabalize other aspects of your life so that bleeds into your emotional life.

[Forestluv]

@onacloudynight I see. I’m uncertain what I would do. 

I’d likely try to connect with someone trained that I trusted. I’m very cautious and try to avoid medication. If I was pressed, I’d try the most mild one at the lowest dose. Once one starts with medication, I question how easy it is to get off. I had a gf that got on meds to get through a rough patch and had a hell of a time getting off. Like years trying.

Yet, I’ve also thrown caution to the wind and have done a variety of strong psychedelics.

[onacloudynight]

15 minutes ago, Adam M said:

@onacloudynight Seems pretty normal to me. My friend and I both experience these drastic ups and downs. Eventually you will accept the ups and the downs as a mediator accepts passing thoughts (without clinging).

When you are down, you will come back up a little higher

When you are high, make sure you have your helmet on for when you crash down

My ups will last for a week and my downs will last for 1-5 days

I've noticed this as well as I have been meditating for the last year and a half as well

I'm just wondering if these extreme ups and downs will be permanent or will they eventually even out as you meditate years down the road?

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

Does this sound common to anyone? For basically over a year and a half, my emotions are all over the place.I can be extremely high and blissful, feeling love for everything, then I fall down into depression where I don't feel like doing anything. This is really causing problems in my life. I feel really sensitive to everything and am not able to work because I feel too sensitive to everyones emotions and I can get irritable easily. I know all of these symptoms can be a byproduct of meditation and enlightenment work, but at what point do I just say fuck it and start taking medication, I can't function like this, everyone thinks I am crazy sometimes. I was at a restaurant with my family and had to excuse myself, because I was overcome with an enormous amount of bliss and love and I just wanted lie down and laugh at everything. It would be one thing if I was in bliss and love all the time, but I fall right back down into depression. I just want to be stable. I never seem to have any sense of stability. It is always up and down. It really is confusing if this is a mental illness or is part of the awakening process.

Consider homeostasis 

1 The tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal condition or function.

2. Psychology. a state of psychological equilibrium obtained when tension or a drive has been reduced or eliminated.

Is there something you’re adding, which is preventing a more even ride - preventing your natural homeostasis. Have you ruled out the common ‘additives’ of life that keep us off kilter, like diet, sugar withdrawal cycle, artificial sweeteners, alchohol, eating too late, social media, gaming add, etc? Doing daily meditation? Getting some exercise? Getting some nature when you can? 

You’re not bipolar, this is part of awakening. You’re more aware and hittin the bliss notes, and you’re more aware of the things you want to stop doing, more aware of negative thoughts, not to mention the pressure you put on yourself. 20-24 is the roughest age imo. What you’re describing is not so uncommon. You’ve got to chill though, so you have clarity to investigate. Build the habit of stomach breathing, when intense highs or lows come around, it sends all kinds of signals to your body and brain that everything’s cool (like when the Wolf in Pump Fiction shows up).        You’ll be way past this and remembering and appreciating it one day I promise. It’s making you who you are; the first part is rough, but the second part is great and lasts forever.  “Believe it and you’ll see it” is important. You have to find your way, one little bit better thought at a time, to feeling that you can do it - and you’ve gotta be brave about it. Courage leaves us feeling good about ourselves. Get back to feelin good about yourself! Ease up about your life and your potential. It will all be fine. It’s one moment at a time. You can handle this moment. That’s the largest amount of time you’ll ever experience. Literallly, this moment. The rest is thoughts in the head, and meditation will free you of those in time. 

[Kserkkj]

@onacloudynight This Is A Very Normal Part Of Quest.. U Will See The Efforts Made Be the WellSpring Fountain Memorial. Attainment Of Truth Through ALLEGIANCE CONSCIOUSNESS Is Your GREATEST GIFT. Lets SEE WHERE You will tumble. Or Rise.

RIN. RIN. RIN.

[Hsinav]

@onacloudynight

My brother has the diagnos Bipolar and is very successfully (of what I can see) treated with Lithium. 

[Guest Annetta]

Try a mood tracker app for a few months and see how much your mood is changing and give yourself a set amount of months to see improvement.  If other methods don't improve your symptoms, you will then have the data from the mood tracker to show someone.  

Bipolar does exist, I tried a bunch of techniques for a year and things got worse-  got on meds and now things are stable.

If spirituality is not improving your mental state then it is a good idea to add something else to your wellness arsenal.  Gl

(Bipolar and kundalini energy can be confused, they both affect the nervous system)

Edited January 23, 2018 by Annetta

[star ark]

16 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

It would be one thing if this was just an every once in awhile occurrence and I have seen therapists in the past, but I just keep going through these cycles and it has lasted for almost 2 years with hardly any stability. I am thinking about just trying medication to see if it will help. it could very well be a biological issue. I can always get off of it.

No offense but I suspect it would be hard to identify 2 year cycles at the age of 20. All teenagers are crazy and up and down so I'm pretty certain that is why you need to be older before the diagnosis can be reliable. 

Medication is hard to get off for some people, don't be certain.

[Nexeternity]

@Ilya yea the booklist is sick

its like if you keep feeding your mind such good info start just starts transforming for you.

yes you have to contemplate and implement but it's hard not to when you start getting such good theory fed to you.

[onacloudynight]

50 minutes ago, star ark said:

No offense but I suspect it would be hard to identify 2 year cycles at the age of 20. All teenagers are crazy and up and down so I'm pretty certain that is why you need to be older before the diagnosis can be reliable. 

Medication is hard to get off for some people, don't be certain.

My problem is not really with the mood shifts, its the fact that my motivation changes drastically when I am up and down, so I can never seem to stay consistent with anything. I get really motivated when I'm up and I start working on my life, getting things done, then I hit a deep depression, which makes it hard to work on anything.