Help me get out of this victim mindset!

[Hardkill]

Everyday, I keep having the thoughts and feelings in my head over and over again that I will never become successful or achieve my dreams. I know that there are no guarantees in life, as much as it is a cliche. However, these nagging thoughts keep telling me that I may never get no matter how much work I put into it. Leo was indeed right when he told me that I have a victim mindset. I remember watching very thoroughly his Youtube vid where he talks about the stages including :being a victim, then becoming a fighter, then creator, and finally being peace. I am obviously still on the victim stage and here’s the crazy part about all of this. I am second degree black belt in a martial art and have been training in the art for almost 11 years. Plus I devoted over 4 years of my life to heavy weightlifting and bodybuilding. Also, I’ve been training for a half marathon for over 5 months now. I’ve been through so much training (not as much as a Marine soldier of course). Yet, I still feel and think like a victim. I am having trouble generalizing my developed willpower from all of the physical activity I’ve done over the past several years into all of my other areas of my life.

[Kaslex]

Fall in love with the process. not the result.

If you focus on the fun, you will stick with it until your good enough to be successful.

[Space]

@Hardkill Self-awareness and mindfulness are key, I think. You've got to learn to just be the observer of your thoughts and stop identifying with the voice in your head that says you'll never be successfull etc. I am actually in a similar situation so I know what you're talking about. Now you might say that it goes deeper than merely thoughts. Maybe, I don't know. But this is a great start and will make a big difference, in my opinion. So whenever the victim mindset type thoughts arise, just accept them. Maybe have a little laugh to yourself, but just be ok with it. Stop resisting what is. Maybe  just say to yourself, 'oh there's those thoughts again'. Resisting this will likely just make it worse. See those thoughts as just thoughts arising from nothing and no one. You know they aren't true because, as you say, you've clearly got the willpower and self-discipline to actualize your dreams. When the victim mindset thoughts arise, be mindfull and notice whats happening. Then accept it and observe it as you would a passing cloud. Eventually your victim mindset will tire itself out because it's not getting the attention it wants. 

[Key Elements]

@Hardkill You work really hard, and that's awesome. I'm wondering if you understand what Leo is talking about here:

 

[Hardkill]

Hey guys, so I've been trying to fight off this victim mindset, I've been having and I think I've made some progress to a degree, but I still feel the agony of self-pity and anger. It sucks and I still can't help, but focus more on the results than the process. I don't understand how some humans can just keep going. Not to mention that this transitioning over from a victim's mindset to that of a fighter's mentality takes a lot of mental energy. I wish I had unlimited mental endurance like a Marine Corps soldier. I also still have trouble differentiating between realistic and pessimistic thoughts in my head.

Edited March 3, 2018 by Hardkill

[Ether]

@Hardkill How much are you willing to let go of control?

[Shin]

13 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Hey guys, so I've been trying to fight off this victim mindset, I've been having and I think I've made some progress to a degree, but I still feel the agony of self-pity and anger. It sucks and I still can't help, but focus more on the results than the process. I don't understand how some humans can just keep going. Not to mention that this transitioning over from a victim's mindset to that of a fighter's mentality takes a lot of mental energy. I wish I had unlimited mental endurance like a Marine Corps soldier. I also still have trouble differentiating between realistic and pessimistic thoughts in my head.

All thoughts are irrevelant, negative like positive.

True confidence is when you don't know what you could do or not, therefore you "think" by default that anything is possible, you just have no idea if it's gonna happen.

You gotta stop to identify to your thoughts one way or another, not trying to have a warrior mindset or a peaceful mindset, those are goals, fantasy that you're trying to reach, it will never happen this way.

See if you can find this near you: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy

You can and should still do it yourself, a shift in your consciousness has to happen, you have to be more conscious of your negative patterns, being the watcher of your thoughts.
You go to do that for months everyday, all the time until you finally see a difference, it's not gonna happen overnight.

 

[Nahm]

@Hardkill There’s a repeating thought pattern about ‘what you are’, and it’s never going to feel good because ‘you’re’ not telling ‘yourself’ the truth. Loosely, your brain is lying to your awareness. Breath focus meditation every morning, 30 mins, should be ample to slow down the thought patterns, and allow the awareness to be more present. (Are you already meditating daily?) Observing the thoughts is freeing. You are not the thoughts, and you are certainly not what the thoughts appear to imply. There is nothing in the universe more deserving of your love, than you. 

Is there an occurrence in the past, perhaps long ago, which ‘launched’ your intense drive, and may have adversely affected your self perception?

[Hardkill]

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Hardkill There’s a repeating thought pattern about ‘what you are’, and it’s never going to feel good because ‘you’re’ not telling ‘yourself’ the truth. Loosely, your brain is lying to your awareness. Breath focus meditation every morning, 30 mins, should be ample to slow down the thought patterns, and allow the awareness to be more present. (Are you already meditating daily?) Observing the thoughts is freeing. You are not the thoughts, and you are certainly not what the thoughts appear to imply. There is nothing in the universe more deserving of your love, than you. 

Is there an occurrence in the past, perhaps long ago, which ‘launched’ your intense drive, and may have adversely affected your self perception?

I used to be a complete misfit back in elementary school and have always been highly competitive in virtually every area of my life. I still don't feel good enough. I also was terminated from my grad school program last year for sexual harassment and wasn't given any warning beforehand over what I did. I don't want to really talk about that in particular. I am still having trouble simply observing the thoughts. I have an understanding of them, but it's so hard to just accept as thoughts, especially when we live in a society that constantly demands results and lots of worry about so many things pertaining to our own lives. 

As for meditating, to be honest, I've stopped meditating since about a month ago. It was so hard to lay still and everyday not think about anything or let my urges to watch something on TV or on the computer or porn get the best of me.

Can I message with you over PM?

[Nahm]

@Hardkill yeah

[Crystalous]

There are traumas from your childhood.You can only work with yourself.As you are becoming more aware you will feel power to achieve everything and take full responsibility of your life.The power is within not outside.Fighting outside is a sign that you are a fighter and its the same just you reverse the battle inside you.

[abrakamowse]

@Hardkill  What it helped me a lot to let go negative thoughts was mindful meditation.

You have to sit and observe your thoughts without getting attached to them. If there's a thought that says "I have to do something"... you just observe it and don't pay attention to it.

What this does is like training the mind to ignore thoughts and just observe them.

What happens is that thoughts just appear, and we identify with them. There's a negative thought and we think is us who is depressed or anxious.

Because thoughts say we are the thinkers. But, are we?

If we are the thinkers, why don't we just choose positive thoughts?

 

Try it and let me know if it works for you, it was very helpful for me.

 

[Guest Quanty]

Too much physical training leads to blockages. 

Switch to natural movements physical training.

[Ether]

@Quanty Damn, bro. You be hitting those keys.

[White]

@Hardkill

Just question those thoughts.  That will work in time. 

They are only thoughts, pay attention to them, at the moment you're paying attention to their effect on you. 

Actually LOOK and question the actual ideas themselves. 

[Guest Quanty]

Talk to your heart, others from your circle in life probably put you down by thoughts and they went subconsciously. 

Ask for advice in the chest, you will see that it will help you greatly.