La vida

[ProblemSolving]

A little journal for myself. I used to have a journal about nofap but this time I will have a bigger journal about basically every aspect of my life.

Here we go.

I had a bad time this week. The weather was bad. At work I felt like I accepted the stagnation that was happening in the last few weeks. Friday, which was yesterday, I didnt feel anything positive when coming home. I dont expect to meet anyone. I just hope that it will stop raining so that I can go for a big walk. So I went to sleep like super early on Friday night. At least my dream was a little more entertaining. Thats the good part about dreams. When nothing much happened during the day, well the dream will try to cheer me up somehow. Decided to go to the city and do some shopping. Which was refreshing. Still I feel like I am just waiting for the weekend to end. I need to make a few things clear about my job and vacation. I need to know what kind of perspective I have in this company. I will ask a co-worker that I can trust, not my boss, obviously. Anyway. I will work out a little. I have a low level routine that I stick to. Maybe I will try a nofap streak now. Not gonna write much more. Will try to write each day.

[ProblemSolving]

I met someone, had a little trip. That was ok. I should appreciate it much more but I am too stupid to do so. Had a vision of creating an implosion for myself. What do I mean by that? I try to eliminate a few things in my life and see what I do with this big amount of vacuum. A vacuum is always filled with something. I am keen to see what new thing I will bring into my life by doing so. Obviously internet is something that I need to reduce big time. 

My weird desires to get a new gaming console are also pointless. Might as well just stop any kind of thought in this direction. Most importantly I will stop using Youtube just like that. At the same time I will be more aware of all the good things that are in my life. Ah, yes. And as I mentioned, nofap streak. 

I have a chaotic mind again. I dont like that. 

[ProblemSolving]

Forgot to write yesterday. Otherall its a more positive time again. I really try to have a more active way of living and I kinda like it. 

I once read this quote from Jim Carrey:

"SOLITUDE IS DANGEROUS IT'S VERY ADDICTIVE IT BECOMES A HABIT AFTER YOU REALIZE HOW PEACEFUL AND CALM IT IS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY DRAIN YOUR ENERGY"

It inspired me a lot. I used to have a very peaceful life. Minimalistic and quite. Just to see myself become obsessed with the silence. This time is over.  I am not afraid to go forward. I fall on a regular basis but I get back up sooner or later. Thats the fight. Still looking forward to create more and more vacuum in my life. Most of all its about youtube and internet media that I need to reduce. 

So much about external stuff, maybe I should focus on talking about my inner situation in this journal. I have a clear and open mind and a priority list. Not much to talk about now. I am just happy the way I am. I have enough energy, probably because I eat more than enough. I like talking to people. I like to go forward and see what life has to offer. Its easy to say now. Its just a matter of time when things change. But thats ok. 

[ProblemSolving]

After tuesday I had wednesday, which wasnt too good of a day. I had some inner struggle that I had to get through. Maybe I also didnt feel too good physically as well. Thursday was a solid day again. So was Friday. Though I had just a little bit of time and couldnt prioritize more eating.

Anyway. What did I realize about myself recently? Its a nice feeling to connect with people. Its a nice feeling to move my ass. Its a nice feeling to eat more, because that makes me have more energy. Its important to have priorities. 

 

 

[ProblemSolving]

I obviously am not very disciplined regarding my journal. Might as well just stop it. I have a little bit of stagnation time again. The stagnation that I am talking about is absolutely on a different level than it was ever before. The only thing that changed are my expectations. My focus fortunately goes forward. I dont really spend time blaming others or getting lost in negative past experiences. Thats really a big thing for me. So much capacities freed of stupid shit. Next stop: Youtube, god dammit.

Youtube? I dont need you. You are television. You are television. I stopped watching television a while ago. Why  should I replace television with youtube? It makes no sense. Transformation now!

[ProblemSolving]

Transformation now please. Change will happen. Life is short. I am curious. Change now!

[ProblemSolving]

Cant remember being that aggressive in a long time. Its really time for a change and this change cant be found in this forum. I remember this quote from Jiddu Krishnamurti basically every day. To understand is to transform what is. 

I came to this forum like 2 months ago because of some reasons. Now I leave this forum again because of other reasons. See you soon.

[ProblemSolving]

And still I had the desire to come back here and write another comment. There isnt much to say about my current status. It much rather feels like a long term stagnation. I will change things.