Not feeling love for your family?

[MMontesL]

Recently I watched Leo's video on Self Deception part 1, and he made a point about the whole concept of family just being another self deception, a profound and hilarious quote from the video is

Quote

There is no more connection between you and your mother than there is between you and a coffee table

It is true. My self actualization process is just scratching the surface, I still strugle with depression, confusion, anger, sadness, etc. Every day working to stay present with these feelings.

Probably one of my biggest neurosis is my relationship with my father, recently I've felt that I don't love him very much, I feel pity, compassion, anger, resentment. This lack of love also happens with most of my family members which I feel as strangers. I'm sure that my inner child has feelings of love towards them but other fragments of "my self" feel very different. Of course society's indoctrination tells us that we SHOULD love our family just because the "genetic relationship" or because they raised you, gived you shelter and "unconditional love" etc.

An advanced self actualized human can feel the same love towards his mother or towards a coffee table, but I'm not at that level yet. Can anyone relate? How do you picture or experience a propper relationship with family members who you dont really love. People who have gived their best to raise you (and that in itself is admirable and something to be grateful) but due to tremendous neurosis have created deep emotional wounds? "SHOULD" it be a "close" relationship? Or if we decide to have a distant or non existant relationship, isn't it very likeable to feel guilt for not "loving as you are supposed to love your family"? My family, specially my mother criticize me a lot for being distant and not being loving with them. Maybe is just an inner child crying? a crybaby? I have no idea where this comes from, feeling confused about this topic.

[Spiral]

I have many of the same problems, I'm not close at with my family. I speak to them once every 2 months, meet them a few times a year. Surely being close to your family has it's benefits but for me it feels like it's too late now. I'm completely independent and don't need them anymore.

I wouldn't say you need to be close to your family especially if they're not nice towards you. 

Edited January 20, 2018 by Spiral

[snowleopard]

57 minutes ago, Mighty Mouse said:

"Whenever two or more are gathered together, I am in your midst." -- Maya

Is that dreamt up, or you been pillow-talking with Maya? I hear she's just Lila dressed up as some seductive temptress ... best experinced naked IMHO   

Edited January 21, 2018 by snowleopard

[snowleopard]

@Mighty Mouse  Ooops, didn't catch that 'here' typo ... Maya is a bit dozy in the early morning tropical heat. 

[MMontesL]

11 hours ago, Mighty Mouse said:

A relationship is a mental-emotional construct pretending to be more than that.

To consider yourself in a relationship as an actual thing, is to deceive yourself.

"Whenever two or more are gathered together, I am in your midst." -- Maya

Wow, thank you very much, very deep insight!

[Space]

@MMontesL I can relate to this, and I feel i'm in a similar situation. I think eventually you'll find yourself going full circle, but it may take many years. As your heart opens up and you become more conscious, then your love for your family will grow in an honest and authentic way, and not be driven by egoic cultural or social beliefs.

Edited January 22, 2018 by Space

[George Fil]

Wait a minute... i thought happy close relationships WAS THE KEY

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/

[BobbyLowell]

family relationships are so sos so so so important. they can rly make your life soosoosososoososoos much better. is this neurosis an internal problem ? if so, do not attach fault to your family members. they deserve a lot of love from you, you deserve a lot of love from them. if they arent very good towards you, have hope. put in the love, it will work. families are a societal convention yes but a good one it gives you asense of belonging and unconditional love. you have to ask yourself is your love rly unconditional? loving your family is a societal conevntion but this is one of them that is there for a reason. its amazing to have a rock, people who are your home will love you no matter what. and its worth the effort and any effort you are debating to put into them

[Deep]

@MMontesL I loved my parents but I'm not close to my extended family. It is what it is. 

[Nahm]

@MMontesL Cultivate the love within yourself, aside from any relationship.