Almost no friends

[Aquarius]

It's my birthday this Sunday and it sucks that I have no one to celebrate with. I will be turning 20.

I finished school 2 years ago and I'm unemployed, about to get my diploma this year (struggling to motivate myself). I have a wide interest list, I'm basically interested in everything, I also make lots of art and crafts, I'm a music addict and could recommend a song to anyone. In general when I talk to old friends or internet friends via Facebook they seem to really like me, they say I'm their best friend etc., but somehow everyone is busy with life and I'm left alone. I mean I'm not the type to go to parties every day n stuff (never even been to a real party), but like literally never going outside?? It's a shame.

I have a boyfriend, but he is 10 years older than me and we have difficulties in our relationship. I think it's the age gap. I need "lots" of care as he would say, but honestly wouldn't any girl my age? Besides, all I want is just a walk in the park or doing something interesting once a month at least, but all we do is that I visit him like twice a week then go home in the morning. He doesn't make any effort, he doesn't even care about himself. So I'm lonely again.

How could I make more friends? Any advice would help.  

[BjarkeT]

maybe try to talk to strangers more often and see if you can make friends that way or think of as many ways as possible you can be social(think about what an extrovert would do for example) maybe after thinking about it a bit my self before I have found its pretty easy to come up with ideas to be social but not always as easy as doing it in practice maybe optimize your social schedule as much as you think you can manage maybe also try to stretch more and more over time how much you are social it may help getting friends more frequently  

Edited January 19, 2018 by BjarkeT

[Aquarius]

@BjarkeT Good idea, I actually would like to try that... except where I live people aren't that open to strangers, they might think you want something from them or idk. At least in a small town like this. But yeah, I could easily spot the people who would be good for me so I might try. Problem is, what do I say to them? Or any books on cold-approaching? Also my looks aren't too pleasant, I look aggressive and cold hearted. I remember when once I went off-meds I got my serotonin levels pretty high and I could easily talk to anyone. Actually people approached me! Some crazy LoA stuff was going on! I'll never forget those times. But now I'm on my meds again. And it's nothing I can do about it.  

[BjarkeT]

some of the things I can think of at the moment would probably be to solve problems permanently or try to deliberately practice your conversation skills(you could, for example, doing a specific exercise, for example, only practicing introducing your self to others or a specific part of conversations where you would normally get stuck)  maybe there is some good books here that could be useful  hope you can use it good luck

https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/conversation-skills

 

  

[Forestluv]

I'm also trying to increase my circle of friends. I can be a loner or invest too much into my gf.

I'm joining some groups with common interests. There are tons of meet-up groups. I'm going to a Spanish meet-up on Saturday to brush up on my language skills. I've also been attending a couple buddhist groups. Yet, I still feel like they are acquaintances and not close friends.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Aquarius loneliness, like happiness, is an "inside job".... I remember 2 or 3 years ago, I had bought tickets to an event in another city for my birthday (new years), and all of the friends that were supposed to go with me cancelled, including my place to stay... I was alone just like you... now, I could have gone to an event that was "blah"/ drinking, just to have my friends/ "company"...but I chose to be where I wanted to be...and to have fun with myself... no booze, just a free flying lady, amazing music and costumes on the dance floor   with no effort, I made some new acquaintances... and still know half of them today ... I feel you... birthdays are sensitive, and often the time when I feel most alone (people are busy NYE, and hung over NYD, so I have developed some loneliness neurosis re: my birthday too)... Totally, get it...yeah, sure, learn to meet new people (maybe choose places where higher conscious people go),... but learn to have a blast with yourself too... because really, you know yourself best, you know how you like to have fun better than anyone... enjoy your birthday with the best company ever, you... even date yourself...and fucking love it  

 

[Aquarius]

@BjarkeT Ahhhhhhh, old Leo <3 I loved those vids. Ok, and I do this in front of the mirror or something? Also it's pretty hard since I don't live alone in the house, and I'm never alone here. But that's just another excuse. I'll make it work.  Tnx.

@Serotoninluv Depends where you live, if you're stuck in a small town like mine, you get like 1-2 events per year. PER YEAR. And no groups really. Maybe just radical religious ones.

@Epiphany_Inspired Thanks for your empathy. And it's cool to be alone sometimes, but as I said, all the time? I'm alone all day, all week, all month, all year, all my life I've been alone. I don't get what's so romantic about it.  

 

[Leo-Tzu]

Consider breaking up, socialising, making new friends new hobbies step by step. . . At least my ex gf left me when i got sucked up by videogames and desperation because i wasnt graduating on time. . . It did good for her because she got a job, made new friends there and found a more suited boyfriend and did good to me coz i woke up and started the actualisation path. . . I graduated which was a milestone for me (electronic engineering' very fuckin hard) , slowly starting to remove all my gaming addictions and going out more, flirting more and having some medical problem solved , moving out to my apartament from my parents home, meditating, running , quiting sugar . . . I dont think age is a problem but since you're in this forum it means you're in some kind of actualisation path so you wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't doing the same as you. You will grow apart more and more as time passes. 

Edited January 19, 2018 by Leo-Tzu

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Aquarius I get it... you feel you have too much alone time.... that said, it's not about being alone, or being with others... it's about being ok with it either way... it's not about romanticizing being alone, it's about being content in that place, without needing others...

when you are alone do you feel content with there? or is there an underlying wish for companionship?

that said, humans are typically social creatures... I will help the best I can because I see that this is causing you to suffer (keep in mind these words are coming from someone that finds bliss in hermitdom...as well as social stuff... )... seek out high conscious events, such as incredible workshops... seek music where higher conscious people may go... find others that enjoy nature as you do (there are hiking/ kayaking clubs etc) 

as far as intimate relationships go, (in general not specifically directed at you)...from my personal experience it's best to transcend needing a relationship before you have one... and to find someone you truly resonate with (this actually goes for friends too really)... wishing you the best new friendships and happiness in love

Edited January 19, 2018 by Epiphany_Inspired
spelling

[Forestluv]

25 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

@Serotoninluv Depends where you live, if you're stuck in a small town like mine, you get like 1-2 events per year. PER YEAR. And no groups really. Maybe just radical religious ones.

I'm in a small town. I drive an hour each way to events. It's definitely a challenge in developing and maintaining friendships.

[Aquarius]

@Leo-Tzu You're right, I might even hold back my bf from growth without realising it. 

@Epiphany_Inspired All this consciousness-oriented stuff is giving me a head-ache sometimes, y'know. I think where I am right now I don't even satisfy the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy... so I need to take it slowly. I like to keep a balance between spirituality and fun. Honestly I don't even see a difference between the two. I see everything as spiritual, everything has magic in it. It's incredible. I don't feel the need to neuroticly cut off "low-consc." stuff, although I do care about healthy diet and such. One step at a time. I already get more insights that I can process anyway, and I'm neglecting my "carnal" needs...

[Aquarius]

@Serotoninluv You just gave me the best idea. I too could travel to the nearby bigger town. Tnx  

 

[Forestluv]

6 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

@Serotoninluv You just gave me the best idea. I too could travel to the nearby bigger town. Tnx  

 

And you can listen to your favorite music.

I often listen to podcasts and learned to speak spanish.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Aquarius Happy Birthday  

 

[Aquarius]

@Serotoninluv You mean while travelling? Sure.

@Epiphany_Inspired Thanks!  

[Study]

Happy Birthday! 

You are not alone. I am in a similar situation as yours. Almost no friends to hang out in my town. Well, I have a few I could call but I just don't want to hang out. And I don't go outside much and don't talk to anyone. Turning 21 this year. And I almost never celebrate my birthday with anyone. (Probably the reason behind this is that when I was 12, I invited my classmates to my house to celebrate my BD but only 2 people came. And I was very sick that day and the event gave me a little trauma.) I have been alone since late 2014. Somehow, I have learned to be content with being alone. I have 2 internet friends who I sometimes talk about personal stuff and that keeps me content somehow. But I am not fully satisfied with the relationship because they are not interested in personal development. So I need to get out there and meet new people too. Out of the comfort zone! 

[Hardkill]

I've tried multiple meetups and hobbies, and I only found one good friend to hangout with and that was only a few years ago. I haven't been able to find even a cute I am attracted to who would go out with me for more than a second date. I want a short-term relationship, but I don't know where to go.

Should I cold approach random people to get good with people socially too? Please help me too.

Edited January 20, 2018 by Hardkill

[Aquarius]

@Joseph Maynor Aww tnx

@K VIL Thanks!! I feel old sometimes so this really made my day.

@Study Good luck to us!

@Hardkill Try to watch videos where people approach girls or other people and learn from there I guess. For me it helps to watch all sorts of shows, then I kinda know how to act in a certain situation. Like simple shows, about anything, that usually also have romance in them.

[BobbyLowell]

nononono DO NOT PRACTICE CONVERSATION. authenticity is where its at in building friendships. stop caring what others think of you and dont be needy, place yourself in positive forces

[Hardkill]

On 1/27/2018 at 11:52 AM, Aquarius said:

@Joseph Maynor Aww tnx

@K VIL Thanks!! I feel old sometimes so this really made my day.

@Study Good luck to us!

@Hardkill Try to watch videos where people approach girls or other people and learn from there I guess. For me it helps to watch all sorts of shows, then I kinda know how to act in a certain situation. Like simple shows, about anything, that usually also have romance in them.

I see. Okay well thanks for the advice.