I Could Kill Her

[Slade]

Have you ever felt a feminine energy so trusting of you that you get the feeling you could kill her right then and there? 

Not that you actually would kill her, in fact it’s a bit of an unsettling feeling because you love her so much you only want to please her, but you just feel the depth of her surrender and you know she’s trusting you completely. 

I’ve felt this sometimes with women and also female pet dogs. We’ll be laying down, relaxing, and it’s a real feeling that arises. I feel her so relaxed and so trusting of me that I know I could kill her right then and there but I don’t because I love her, and so I hold that space for her and she relaxes more as I feel how much love I have for her and how I would only protect her. It’s really a beautiful thing to experience.

David Deida talks about feminine surrendering but I’m curious if any of you have more information on this and how to feel it more often. 

Has anyone here experienced this too? 

[lens]

not going to lie, i laughed my ass off at this. So what you are saying is that if you didn't love it, and given the opportunity, you would slice it up?

i think it's more of a feeling of "i could do it" like when you are at the edge of a cliff, are you worried about this?

[Forestluv]

I occasionally experience harmful impulses - only with people I really love. It makes me uncomfortable. 

[Slade]

@lens ? no I’m not worried but it is unsettling at first. I think mainly what I was trying to say is how good it feels to be trusted that much by the feminine. To be trusted so much that they give themselves completely. It’s not a logical thing. Logically I know I could overpower someone and kill them. What I’m talking about is an actual feeling. Imagine having a group of children rely on you as their leader during a zombie apocalypse. It’s a bit scary because you know these children are counting on you but it’s also very empowering to know you love them and will do everything in your power to protect them. 

[Markus]

There's this phenomenon where you're standing or sitting on a balcony or an edge with a friend and you feel a so-called urge to push them. Or if you're alone you may feel the urge to jump. It's something to do with the knowing of how fragile and vulnerable life is, that it could be over just like that. Same mechanic with what you're describing, I think. The phenomenon is very common from what I've heard.

[Slade]

@Markus I think that’s exaclty it, it’s so interesting. But another thing I just realized is how this feeling is related to life purpose. When you feel your purpose in life so deeply that you feel a real sense of duty to fulfill it. It’s like having the feeling that somebody’s life is in your hands and you have to protect them or help them in someway with your purpose. I’m still searching for that feeling in my life purpose but I hope I find it and I hope everyone finds it because it’s very empowering. 

[phoenix666]

38 minutes ago, Markus said:

There's this phenomenon where you're standing or sitting on a balcony or an edge with a friend and you feel a so-called urge to push them. Or if you're alone you may feel the urge to jump. It's something to do with the knowing of how fragile and vulnerable life is, that it could be over just like that. Same mechanic with what you're describing, I think. The phenomenon is very common from what I've heard.

I know this very well. I used to feel that impulse to jump whenever I was somewhere high up or looking down from a bridge. I still feel it sometimes, but now more because of the exciting feeling of being alive I get immediately afterwards.

 I also know that impulse to hurt someone. It happens with people I have a strong connection with. it's scary, I've often asked myself why I get such ideas..

[snowleopard]

@Slade  Don't mess with Kali ... That beguiling feminine enchantment can be deadly 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Video on point to watch

 

[zazed]

I have it when driving recently. Really relaxed in a blissful state, i start imagining driving into the canal. My car destroyed, sinking.
It is more about destroying the car, than hurting my self.

When waiting on the train and a train passes. The impulse of jumping under the train.
I could jump under this train, and it would be over in a flash. Without having actual suicidal thoughts. More the fear of the possibility.

Or, when i bought a tv when i was a teenager and had little money. The fear and impulse of wanting to pull the tv to the ground, destroying it.
I loved that tv.

 

It is a strange conflict between something you really value, in relaxation and the fear of doing something stupid to destroy it.
It also shows clearly, how we are not our mind, and that our thoughts are not as much a self, as they are often involuntary and meaningless.

It is some kind of conflict or error in your mind that creates these thoughts that you would never consider otherwise. Like an overflow from the extreme of love, into a sense of destruction. Maybe like how in 16bit calculation, 32767 + 1 =  -32768 , the overflow of the max value. Too much love creating thoughts of destruction.

These kind of thoughts i've come to consider as meaningless noise generated by something that is more machine than actually aware or sentient in us.
And we have the choice to ignore our thoughts, our thoughts do not define us or or actions. 

[phoenix666]

sometimes to value something we need to contrast it with its opposite - at least, that's what I found out for me. I get a really good kind of excitement about life when thinking about death. 

[Slade]

2 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

sometimes to value something we need to contrast it with its opposite - at least, that's what I found out for me. I get a really good kind of excitement about life when thinking about death. 

Damn this is powerful

[Guest Annetta]

No, I don't ever have the urge to kill things.  Esp. if they're helpless 

 

Would you look like your avatar if you did? Lmfao.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Annetta

[Slade]

I think you guys might have misunderstood what I was saying. It’s not an urge to kill it’s more so a feeling of empowerment to take care of her. It’s feeling like someone else’s life is in your hands completely and you have to protect them. And when someone surrenders to you fully, they’re life is completely in your hands, you have a realization that it’s possible for them to die right there. Imagine your daughter standing on the edge of a cliff, you realize all it takes is one slip for her to be done for. You don’t want her to slip so this gives you a sort of empowerment to make sure she doesn’t fall. It gives you this confidence knowing you have to protect this person.

[Guest Annetta]

I feel that way for my animals, a strong obligation to their well-being I suppose..

[Slade]

@Annetta Do you enjoy feeling that obligation? 

I feel like I get a lot of confidence knowing it’s my responsibility to care for another.

[Guest Annetta]

@Slade I do.  It's important to me that they live a good life and trust me.

I cultivate that trust daily so that they know I will never harm them.  One of them, the female, has a personality that is very shy and sensitive - if you could imagine a very feminine curious little flower, a toddler almost, that is thrilled whenever she gets attention - a sprightly sort of, "Who me?  You like me!  Oh boy!" 

[Slade]

@Annetta that sounds adorable ?

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Slade said:

I’m curious if any of you have more information on this and how to feel it more often. 

Get a feminine girlfriend. She'll bring that energy around you all the time if you know how to open her up.

You can also development more of that in yourself by doing things like yoga or any other spiritual practice.

[Nahm]

@Slade Your first post instantly brought me back to a memory of holding my daughter right when she was born. I remember thinking omg - so fragile, like hanging on to life by a thread, if I dropped her right now she probably wouldn’t make it. Weird thoughts, while emotionally there was a tremendous flood of love and purpose, and just being needed, just like that, instant and for the rest of my life. There was also this other emotion or epiphany of myself, like size, experience, knowledge...like the relative difference across the board between me and her - like I have every conceivable advantage imaginable, but all I want is to love her.