I need some help processing a experience I had with self efficacy

[Merkenstein]

So recently I had something happen to me while I was rock climbing.

It was the last climb of the day and I was very tired. I picked a climb I’d never done before but one that I knew was within my normal ability, but proved incredibly difficult due to fatigue (my muscles were still shaking an hour after the ordeal to give you some perspective). After falling/resting on the rope several times I’d gotten up about two thirds of the climb and over the hardest part. At this point I found a good resting point on the wall and continued my climb, then something happened.

 

During this final stretch of the climb all the sudden a part of myself (not my conscious mind mind you) said “I’m going to finish this climb without falling off the wall”, this wasn’t some impossible feat, I knew I had the ability to do just that. Very quickly I became much more focused and in the moment than usual, more so than I’ve ever been in my life, I had complete and utter faith in myself and my abilities, it seemed the only possible outcome was achieving my goal; then on the final move my muscles gave out and I fell. I wasn’t angry, sad or anything like that, it felt move akin to shock, like the impossible just happened, like some fundamental fact of reality had just shattered into a million pieces, I didn’t know how to react or feel.

 

I’ve struggled with self efficacy and knowing how to trust myself, so this kind of moment is very rare for me. Often times when I’ve consciously taken a chance in the past and trusted myself I end up failing and it becomes even harder to trust myself next time. This time my entire being was invested 100%, I feel betrayed somehow, how can I put so much trust into myself only to have it all crumble down and fail? I don’t know how to process this experience.

 

I guess the bottom line would be: how do you learn to trust yourself again after you commit yourself completely to a task or goal and you end up not getting the result you wanted?