What should I do now? (After my weird experience)

[FelixTheCat]

Hello everyone! 

Not long time ago suddenly a strong feeling of derealisation (3 weeks ago) came over me (which seems like happened for no reason) and caused a chain of panic attacks spread over days. However, the world does not seem the same place to me right now, it is somewhat not real at all and it is somewhat scary (even, absolutely terrifying), but also uplifting at the same time. And I still have this feeling of derealisation. 

Now, I talked to my meditation teacher and he said it could have been a sort of like enlightment experience (or however you would call it :D). Overall, I did meditation for 1 year and a half, with months of break in between, but for the past 3 months I did it solidly for 40 minutes twice a day. No self-inquiry and no breathwork. 

Whatever it was, I am wondering how to go about learning about this experience and perhaps would you recommend any reading on the subject?

I suspect that possibly I am not ready for this stuff since I have been actively avoiding reading up about enlightment. This is because I did not want my ego to interpret these things. Possibly, it was a bad idea after all!  

[cetus]

41 minutes ago, FelixTheCat said:

However, the world does not seem the same place to me right now, it is somewhat not real at all and it is somewhat scary (even, absolutely terrifying), but also uplifting at the same time. And I still have this feeling of derealisation. 

@FelixTheCat That reminds me of something Walt Whitman wrote about.

"I must not be awake for everything looks to me as it never has before. Or else I'm awake for the first time and all that was before was just a dream"

I don't think your alone!

 

[Faceless]

Try and determine if this experience is thought induced. That way you don’t get caught in thought attribution and always in a constant state of perpetual conflict. Chasing that original experience will become a nightmare. 

Or just live in a state of conflict if that’s what u want.?‍♂️

 

Edited January 18, 2018 by Faceless

[FelixTheCat]

@cetus56  Thank you very much for you inspirational reply! I really hope I am not alone ahahaha things have been weird!

@Mighty Mouse Thank you! I really hope to deal with this, it's just that I have to tell myself that I am not going insane ahahah It is a bit dificult when there is no one around to support this whole process ^^"

@Faceless Ah interesting, could elaborate a bit more on that? I am not entirely sure what you mean Sorry for being slow ^^"

[FelixTheCat]

@Mighty Mouse I agree with you, it is really up to me, I just gotta buckle up I guess!

[Nahm]

@FelixTheCat try this?

 

Posture Meditation

This body-based meditation is a very effective way to get grounded and centered. It encourages an embodied, calm, and open awareness, and discourages disassociation. If you have a tendency to "leave your body," feel ungrounded, or disassociated, this is a good practice. 

Sit with your spine straight and aligned, and the rest of your body relaxed. Keep bringing yourself back to this condition. 
1. Take a reposed, seated posture. 
2. For this meditation, it is very important that your spine is straight. Your neck and back should be in perfect alignment. Your chin should be down very slightly. 
3. If you are sitting in a chair, do not rest your spine against the chair. Sit forward so that your spine is supporting its own weight. Let the muscles of the spine be engaged. 
4. All the other muscles of your body can be completely relaxed. Allow your face muscles to let go, and your jaw to drop slightly, so that your teeth are not touching. 
5. Let your shoulders hang freely, and let your belly be soft and open. 
6. This is the posture you are aiming for, with your spine erect and your body completely relaxed. 
7. As you sit, keep bringing your awareness back to the fine details of your posture. Notice any time your spine slumps even slightly, your head leans to either side, or any other deviation. Correct these gently and repeatedly. 
8. Also notice if any other areas of your body tense up even slightly. If anything is tensing, relax it in a gently and soft manner. 
9. Keep checking in with the body, using your body (somatic) awareness; the feeling in your body. Mental images of your body will probably arise, which is fine, but these are not what you are concentrating upon. Instead, concentrate your awareness in the sense of your body. The sensitivity in your muscles, tissues, viscera, skin, and so forth. 
10. The more detailed and minute you get with this awareness, the better. Each tiny area of the body has its own sensitivity to contribute. 
11. Every once in a while you can zoom out to cover the entire somatosensory field -- the awareness of your entire body -- to bring the overall body back into alignment. 
12. Keep relaxing every muscle everywhere. Use just enough tension to keep your spine erect, but no more. 
13. Continue this meditation for at least 10 minutes, continuously contacting your body awareness. 

CAUTIONS:
If you have any spinal injuries or severe back pain, it is fine to allow your spine to rest in a pain-free position.                    If you find yourself distracted by a lot of mental chatter, you can use verbal labeling as an aid to concentration. 
For example, when checking on the spine, you can say to yourself, "spine in alignment." 
When checking on the body, say, "body relaxed." 

[FelixTheCat]

@Nahm Oh wow! Thank you very much, for such detailed explanation! This is fantastic, I will definitely try it out!

I actually like doing yoga Nidra which allows you to concentrate on different parts of your body, I might try that one as well! Except you have to lie down and I get very sleepy after awhile hehehe

 

Edited January 20, 2018 by FelixTheCat

[Monkey-man]

Same here, I used to try to get rid of it without much success, and then one enlightened teacher said that you got to follow derealisation, it’s good sign for enlightenement work, you can have self-realisation faster with derealisation

 

[FelixTheCat]

@Monkey-man  Hahaha thank you! Feel much more reassured! I just thought I won't have any unusual experiences as I do not do as much hardcore work as some people do on this forum (in terms enlightment work I mean). It comes when you least expect it maybe

@John Lula That would make sense as I also read somewhere that it is body's defence mechanism. I will tell you for sure that I have been stressed out about my uni work and everyday I had eerie feeling that I might die any second (I am terrified of death hehehe). In any case, I think I interpret derealisation as a scary experience, while it isn't really! And it will get better when I will stop freaking out