To Leo; Questions On The Video " Fake Growth Vs Real Growth..."

[Empty]

Hi everyone

I have watched the last video on your youtube channel; " Fake Growth vs Real Growth; What If You are just ricking yourself". I did get the idea that we should look for change within meaning internally, not externally. However, I still would like to hear some clear picture on what it looks like in real life: 

My problems

Sociall anxiety: How do I aquire real growth in this one. I know that I should read self-help books and practice them in my real life, but how is the change gonna take place INNERLY I am still confused) 

My fitness level: How do I get a real change in this one? Of course, what I think now is that I should fix my money problems, go to the gym, and the problem will be solved. Neverlesss, I think there is INNER change which is more important. How is it going to be in my real life?!!! 

Thanks in advance  

[asgard94]

I don't know what Leo has to say, But personally I believe that the true change occurs when you find out the answer for those questions on your own. Because as long as there is a sensation inside of you, that you have been helped and guided, your progress may always be limited/linked to the person who helps you. The value of progress achieved truly on your own is far greater than that of having been helped. An 'external' example would be.. Marrying a rich person, and becoming wealthy by the help of this another person, versus the wealth acquired by putting a lot of effort to achieve success on your very own. Of course both sides of reality have their ups and downs, however, in the long run I believe it is worth seriously committing to solving your internal and external problems, on your own. The same applies for fitness. Unless you switch that laptop off, go and do the cardio, run and stay on a balanced diet, you will never find out the answer.

" All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Edited February 28, 2016 by asgard94

[Ayla]

1 hour ago, An actualizer said:

Social anxiety: How do I acquire real growth in this one. I know that I should read self-help books and practice them in my real life, but how is the change gonna take place INNERLY I am still confused) 

My fitness level: How do I get a real change in this one? Of course, what I think now is that I should fix my money problems, go to the gym, and the problem will be solved. Neverless, I think there is INNER change which is more important. How is it going to be in my real life?!!! 

This video might help: 

 

 

[Empty]

Just now, Ayla said:

This video might help: 

 

 

Thanks Ayla. This will surely help.

[Truth]

I'd say social anxiety comes from fear of being criticized, judged or being insecure, there's a need to be accepted. So if you remove that need, taking responsibility for your insecurities, and stop caring what people think of you, you stop needing to be accepted, instead you become grounded and unmoved by this social situation, there's no more emotional struggle because there's no need to be accepted anymore and you move past it. If there's still that pain in the moment when you think you feel you've moved passed it, then you haven't actually grown, only "masked" it.

As for fitness, do you do it because you value it? Or because your trying to fix a problem,(painful looking in the mirror, getting a girl, to be accepted) there's a good quote by Robert Fitz that says "what drives the action is the intensity of the problem. Once the intensity of the problem is lessend, people have less motivation to act. Thus problem solving as a way of life, becomes self-defeating, problem solving mostly leads to less and less action, as the actions work to solve the problem." There's a profound difference in valuing and loving to do something, than taking action to make something go away. Its the difference between positive motivation and negative motivation (running away from pain or potential hazards or simply working to create to see a nice body come into being. ) huge difference.

Make it more than just getting things, value it. Something like "I could do this for the rest of my life, I want to be healthy and fit because I value being healthy. I want to feel good in my body, I want to live as long as I can" it becomes more than just, "I want to look like that guy"or, "my friends work out so I should too", or "girls like guys who are fit". See the difference? Which mindset is likely to go the distance? Friends stop going.. Motivation is lessened, you get a girl or still can't, motivation is lessened, you see the struggles it takes and hard work to get that guys bod, motivation is lessened.

[Leo Gura]

10 hours ago, An actualizer said:

My problems

 

Sociall anxiety: How do I aquire real growth in this one. I know that I should read self-help books and practice them in my real life, but how is the change gonna take place INNERLY I am still confused) 

My fitness level: How do I get a real change in this one? Of course, what I think now is that I should fix my money problems, go to the gym, and the problem will be solved. Neverlesss, I think there is INNER change which is more important. How is it going to be in my real life?!!! 

Thanks in advance  

These are not simple issues that have simple solutions. You need to study and research both issues, look for books and information products that offer real inner-growth solutions. And/or work with a quality life coach.

[Bruno]

The clearest definition I can give you is one I got from Leo's last video :

To achieve real growth you must change who you are 

I'm going to do a post exploring this subject because I have some doubts too 

[Natura Sonoris]

@Ayla

This is all self-actualization in nutshell and might be the best post in this forum by far. When i realized this 1 year ago, i was shocked. It is just webs and webs and webs of lies. This is why my favorite quote 

"Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth." (But in reality, it is kinda more complex that this)

@Leo Gura

Leo

I am in strange dilemma now. As i mentioned, about 1 year ago i realized that the nature of our beliefs taken as truth are false. I was doing self inquiry for a while and i got really nice insights. But i have a gut feeling that i need to do the next thing :

I stumbled upon Eben Pagan's course Man Transformation where he mentions how some really important person in his life asked him : Who are you ? What is your story ? Eben later realized that, at the school party, he was the one who was standing outside the crowd just for sake of ''looking cool.'' He wanted to be ''outsider.'' That was his so called script. The second interesting thing i stumbled upon Jed Mckeena way of asking What is true. For example : Circle has 360 degrees. I did not finish the book yet so there might many more far more interesting examples but these two stories really planted a seed inside me to ask myself. What is my story ? What is my script i tell myself i am ? 

So my dilemma is to start writing a journal here on forum. I am kinda scared to share every lie that i say to myself but i know if i do not know do it, i will be just stuck inside my head and i will just let my ego swing. If i write in my own journal at home, i dont know how beneficial it will be. Here on forum, it looks like i wont slack (i do not know if i will , but still i would not like to be only own judge of my thoughts ) So can you share your own opinion ? My goal is to get awareness over my beliefs and lies i am telling to my self. I want to get to my core beliefs and dig them out. This video really made question if i should really do it so i ask you now what you think ? Do you think is it worth it or not ? 

I am already doing good with my mindfulness and awareness during the day and i started to recognize parts of self that have tendency to react in certain way. One example wold be i hold beliefs that i am smart and my subconscious and ego seeks mild validation in certain situations and in opposite situations, my ego just cant accept to be open minded because it can not accept reality.

When i get awareness over that, when there is great emotional tendency and ''negative pattern'' of thoughts  come in those situations, i just let go. Sometimes i can not do it because i am not aware, but as time passes by, i am letting go more and more of control.

EDIT : I got insight what i should i do. I am focusing on the wrong stuff. Even tho journaling is useful, i know which part of me is pulling me to do this and it is not right thing to do. 

Edited February 29, 2016 by Natura Sonoris

[Juan Cruz Giusto]

@Leo Gura Inner work is Visualization, Meditation, Affirmation, the Life Purpose and what more? Can you explain and expand on the type of work that inner growth require? 

[Guest]

Well. To help the one who started this thread:

You have social anxiety. So you try to get away from it. You have to erase every aspect in yourself that limits you. Maybe you had a trauma. Maybe you spent too much time with the wrong people that didn't motivate you to be social. I will show you my inner work to make it easier to understand: I realize that there were many moments of illness in my past. I know that I am the only child of my parents and I know that they didn't express positive feelings too much. They surpressed me too much throughout my life, maybe because of fear.  The love of my mum was surpressed by my dominant dad who comes from a family where the WW2 left behind many scars. My uncle died because of something that was strongly connected to his alcoholism. My parents created a specific circle of isolation. My parents also are very superficial. I didn't have many friends. My biggest friend was my computer or my gaming console.

Let's just say that this is enough to talk about now ( even though it probably is not everything that is connected to my social anxiety):

First of all I can't blame anyone for being the way I am. I blamed my parents many times but it is not the way to grow. So, I found myself in a very isolated state. So the only thing that I needed to do is to get away from all those aspects that hold me back. I went out more. Even if it just jogging. I destroyed my gaming addiction. I destroyed my porn addiction which was the substitute for girlfriends in times of my isolation. It wasn't easy but it was so worth it.

And your question about how it will change you innerly: 

You are afraid when talking to somebody, I guess. If you destroy your social anxiety then you don't feel any negative emotions when thinking about a conversation with somebody that you don't know. Does that answer your question?

 

[Anna]

21 hours ago, An actualizer said:

My problems

Sociall anxiety: How do I aquire real growth in this one. I know that I should read self-help books and practice them in my real life, but how is the change gonna take place INNERLY I am still confused) 

Social anxiety is hard work. I'm currently working on that too. I throw myself into uncomfortable situations, this it what works for me.

For example: Going to the city, Saturday about noon. I hate crowds, it makes me nervous.

(Solutions for me)

 

First I'm asking myself: What am I afraid of?

•  strangers coming too close (I can't stand strangers if they occur unsympathetic to me)

(keep calm, step aside)

• getting into a conflict, being offended

(interactions are normal, be polite, if offended smile and ignore or be sarcastic)

•  people judging me

(for what? be open-minded don't judge others as well, be confident with yourself)

• losing control over my feelings

(if aggressive: walk away from situation, calm down, breath slowly, it's not necessary)

 

What will happen physically if I throw myself into this?

• I feel stressed

• muscels especially shoulders will feel tensed

(relax muscels, shoulders down, head up, straight back)

• breathing will be hard

(breath deep and slowly)

• body temperature will increase rapidly, sweating

(walk slower, breath slowly, calm down)

 

This is what worked for me. Today walking in crowded (even foreign) cities is no longer a problem for me. I'm very happy walking around, always smiling and people smile back. That's a nice feeling, believe me.

You'll notice it's getting better day by day if you stick to it. I nearly overcame my anxiety, but it's not completely done.

Still a lot of work there.

[Empty]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

These are not simple issues that have simple solutions. You need to study and research both issues, look for books and information products that offer real inner-growth solutions. And/or work with a quality life coach.

Yes, I think that what I should do. I have alredy had some slight change

[Empty]

7 hours ago, Anna said:

Social anxiety is hard work. I'm currently working on that too. I throw myself into uncomfortable situations, this it what works for me.

For example: Going to the city, Saturday about noon. I hate crowds, it makes me nervous.

(Solutions for me)

 

First I'm asking myself: What am I afraid of?

•  strangers coming too close (I can't stand strangers if they occur unsympathetic to me)

(keep calm, step aside)

• getting into a conflict, being offended

(interactions are normal, be polite, if offended smile and ignore or be sarcastic)

•  people judging me

(for what? be open-minded don't judge others as well, be confident with yourself)

• losing control over my feelings

(if aggressive: walk away from situation, calm down, breath slowly, it's not necessary)

 

What will happen physically if I throw myself into this?

• I feel stressed

• muscels especially shoulders will feel tensed

(relax muscels, shoulders down, head up, straight back)

• breathing will be hard

(breath deep and slowly)

• body temperature will increase rapidly, sweating

(walk slower, breath slowly, calm down)

 

This is what worked for me. Today walking in crowded (even foreign) cities is no longer a problem for me. I'm very happy walking around, always smiling and people smile back. That's a nice feeling, believe me.

You'll notice it's getting better day by day if you stick to it. I nearly overcame my anxiety, but it's not completely done.

Still a lot of work there.

It's good to hear such motivating stories. I hope you will get better and better. 

Keep going

[Anna]

 

This video helped a lot.

[Kelley White]

On 2/28/2016 at 7:14 AM, Truth said:

I'd say social anxiety comes from fear of being criticized, judged or being insecure, there's a need to be accepted. So if you remove that need, taking responsibility for your insecurities, and stop caring what people think of you, you stop needing to be accepted, instead you become grounded and unmoved by this social situation, there's no more emotional struggle because there's no need to be accepted anymore and you move past it. If there's still that pain in the moment when you think you feel you've moved passed it, then you haven't actually grown, only "masked" it.

@Truth I wholly concur.  I'm observing I judge me, so I assume others judge me as I judge me.  Very faulty logic there. LOL   Duh!  Thank you Captain Obvious when I really see it. LOL  Wowser.

Between the military, law enforcement, abuse, I learned assess for and eliminate the threat.   Very concrete, all good all bad.  Everything becomes a morality play.   LOL  Talk about drama. OMG!

I'm trying to figure out how to avoid pain.  Huge revelation there.  Who am I without this old story?  Who will I be with out all this pain and internal judgement?  Might "I be" happy? LOL  Might I actually write the book I wanted to and it becomes an I get too because it is fun versus an I have to or I'm worthless?

Might my social anxiety be stemming from my own inner critic projecting the reality of being unworthy, unlikable, thus anxious before I begin?  I assume malice, because I inflict malice upon me?  I actually find Leo's "Judgment - How You Ruin Your Own Happiness"  really relevant to social anxiety.   Its approaching the social setting with a valuation model.  

Great thread.

[Hengame]

@Anna yes I agree it helped me a lot,I just followe as Leo suggests and it worked, now I do not care what people think about me, it gives me more confidence because it is me and not not what people wants to see or to hear. 

[Irina Irina]

I'm a people pleaser. I feel that growing myself from this point, is  just like a baby  learning to walk again all by himself. The change has to come from the mind and I  find it hard even to imagine being the person that I wish to be. Every single belief about me, others and life needs radical change. I've always been like this, and in 24 years I had a glimpse of what my life could be, 6 months ago, after I've watched Leo's videos for the first time. I've experienced a state of mind and being, oh god, I think that was ego free. It was the best time of my life. But, I felt back into my old thinking and acting. The ego took control again. It was like: ohh, look what great your life is becoming, I'll take it from here. 

 It's a long road, and  with growth comes more challenge and resistance from those around you , as you become powerful, independent, grounded.  But at least Leo is there to help me  rise after I fall.

[Stef]

@Irina Irina I'd reccomend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. However, you're a girl 

[Anna]

@Irina Irina I know how this feels, but never give up. Keep your head up I especially experience this up and down while searching for the roots of my disorders. Exhausting, but definitely worth it

[Empty]

I am a people pleaser as well. It is really annoying.