Interacting with people on different consciousness levels

[Forestluv]

I can be very logical and get into intellectual debates. One thing that sets me off are arguments with absolute truth. Yet, the other person generally gets upset and sees me as an uncaring ass. I'm left scratching my head asking how I could have communicated better.

Case in point: my gf sends me a video on Andrea Yates she shows as an example of compassion for her clients. Yates suffered from severe untreated postpartum depression for years and then killed her five children in 2001. In the video, doctors believed she now had a healthy mind. So, I ask my gf if she thinks Yates should be released and she responds "No" and goes off about personal responsibility. . . Assuming Yates was "psychotic" during the murder and that she now has a "sane" mind, *who* committed those murders? Assuming Yates is no longer a threat to others, why continue punishing her? . . . Well, this didn't go over well with my gf who thought I was taking the side of criminals and murderers. If someone takes multiple lives, their life should pretty much be over. . . To push it to the edge of her black-white perspective I asked "What if a woman's drink was spiked with PCP at a party and she went psychotic and killed multiple people? Should her life be pretty much over?". My gfs response was simply that people should take responsibility for their actions. I said that sometimes there are grey areas, to which she responded "grey shmey" and called me lame for not taking a stand.

I'm more concerned about my communication skills than who is "right" or "wrong". She left upset thinking I'm a lame criminal sympathizer and I find myself writing that I can get hyper logical at times. 

Last night I watched Leo's video on Spiral Dynamics. I'm curious if this is a case where someone cannot understand a higher consciousness level. Absolute truth and black-white thinking is characteristic of the blue stage, while shades of grey and egalitarian is toward greenish. How would one communicate effectively? Bite my tongue and just listen to understand her? Change the topic?  At best, I think I was in a green state (since I still believed I had the higher evolved view). How would a yellow communicate?

[Forestluv]

26 minutes ago, Mighty Mouse said:

 

So all you can really do is express when moved to do so, without any obligations attached.

 

That sounds awfully yellow stage. . . 

At times I observe my behavior is motivated from self interest (to reduce fear, to be admired etc). Yet often I am just being - without concern  or worry.

[Forestluv]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

With women logic doesn't apply they are run by their emotions,you just need to acknowledge their emotions(make sure that she knows that you understand her)but still stand by your opinion...its always the same, guy thinks logically women emotionally and they dont meet in the middle..i hope i understood situation correctly to give this insight...

For sure. She generally operates on an emotional level, while I'm on a logical level. It's not like she is crying or screaming. Rather, she emotionally connects with child victims. It's interesting that she can't see the suffering of perpetrators. 

Acknowledging her position takes skill. Sometimes when I do that she says "yea, and you think your opinion is superior".

I may try taking an interest in understanding her perspective - how it was shaped and how it is evolving. And just share my perspective if she asks. I'm a professor and talk a lot. I can overshare theories and concepts. 

[Cjaryo]

I think that you would only need more time to talk to your girlfriend about this type of thing, as there are many different scenarios to take into account, and perspectives as well.

[Joseph Maynor]

Make sure you aren't identifying with having to be the right one or the smart one.  That just perpetuates the Ego.  Don't repress those traits, just watch them.  Don't judge them as good or bad either.  Just watch the mechanics of what is going on in the moment.  

Watch:  

 

Edited January 18, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[student]

You communicate better by understanding the other's perspective. You need patience and love, desire not to make people agree with you, but again, understand you. It is about understanding and the necessity of both of them to be open-minded and understand this concept of "understanding", not imposing oneself onto the other. From your post it seems that both of you try to impose something onto the other. You don't want really to reach to a mutual agreement, to investigate together the problem, to analyse the problem/discussion from multiple perspectives. Patience is needed with people. It is simple to communicate with people that are like you, after all, they just agree and make "life easier".

You communicate with people in different ways, because people are unique, have their own path, maybe they are not at the same "level" as you, but that just means that your style of communication must be changed, according to the person. You can not generalize, apply rules to communication, because you're speaking to individuals.

If the person you are speaking to can not let go of judgments, their own perspectives, are close-minded, can not listen, don't want to understand, listen but immediately return to maintaining their beliefs, then they must be left alone. They will have good relationships with people like them.

Open-mindedness doesn't really have much to do with a super high level of consciousness. The person must just enjoy and have a sincere desire to understand the other. This comes from love, even if people don't recognize it.

[Guest Annetta]

@Mighty Mouse I think he does too.  Cute. 

[pluto]

14 minutes ago, Annetta said:

@Mighty Mouse I think he does too.  Cute. 

She uses this forum too from time to time >.<

[pluto]

8 hours ago, Mighty Mouse said:

Who doesn't know Emerald Wilkins. And for all the same reasons that everyone here knows Joseph Maynor.

Makes sense that he's into her, even though she's married of course.

It's sweet ey. Happens to all of us.

Oh i didn't know her name but seems familiar now as i always remember her face from scrolling past her youtube every now and then. I guess i am one of those lucky people She had some excellent advice on astral projection and dreams which is how i remember her mostly.

Edited January 18, 2018 by pluto

[Aquarius]

You sound like "My argument is higher consciousness so more valid than that my gf's." Stop treating people like they are some lower rank. You basically hold a belief and try to convince her of your "truth". You two are basically the same, holding a belief and trying to convince each other. Nothing wrong with that honestly, just be aware of this. You are being critical of her, judging her arguments as low-consciousness. How is your opinion truer than hers? You see her being judgmental of the murderer, but ask yourself, where are you judgmental in life?

[Max_V]

@Aquarius Upvote on that.