Reality becoming trippy - ego fighting - rage

[egoless]

This is inevitable. I crossed the point of no return. I chose the Truth versus me. It is killing me. I see how my reality is falling down like the house of cards. I am losing touch with everyone and everything... I see in front of my eyes in the crowded places how people walk chaotically like ants. I see flashing lights and distortions. All the perceptions blending into one single experience. I can’t locate me anymore. I have no past no future - I only remember now. I am dissolving in the empty space! I love everything. I go home - I scream at myself in the mirror. I hate everything. I feel bliss I feel rage. I am noone I am losing myself. There is no point of return anymore. 

For those who are just starting! Be sure that you want the Truth! After you get there there is no return... hell and heaven is the same!

Edited January 15, 2018 by egoless

[Nathan]

Thanks for the disclaimer. I'm going to press on. Feel free to drop me a message at any point. 

[Guest Annetta]

You can do it!!

Ee eet a xwāheen!

It means I believe in you!

[DocHoliday]

16 minutes ago, egoless said:

This is inevitable. I crossed the point of no return. I chose the Truth versus me. It is killing me. I see how my reality is falling down like the house of cards. I am losing touch with everyone and everything... I see in front of my eyes in the crowded places how people walk chaotically like ants. I see flashing lights and distortions. All the perceptions blending into one single experience. I can’t locate me anymore. I have no past no future - I only remember now. I am dissolving in the empty space! I love everything. I go home - I scream at myself in the mirror. I hate everything. I feel bliss I feel rage. I am noone I am losing myself. There is no point of return anymore.

@egoless Yep, seems just absolutely fine to me, that’s how it goes. I just loved that period myself, it‘s so fascinating. 

Keep us informed about your progress buddy!

[nightrider1435]

Yeah you'll know when you reach the point of no return, can be scary at first. You'll keep going though, because if you didn't want to know then you wouldn't reach this point.

[Joseph Maynor]

I went through this.  This is where your Ego is collapsing for the first time and it feels like a part of you is dying.  What's happening is your self-image is dying.  This was followed for me by a "dark night of the soul" kind of depression.  When I was going through this I was operating from my Shadow as my Ego crumbled away.  I was rude, violent, and all the other things that are the opposite of the traits that I identified with.

Good video to watch right now:  Do the exercise!

EXERCISE TO EXAMINE ROLES

1.  What is the role that I am/was playing?  Describe the role.

2.  What are the specific ways that I act/acted out this role?

3.  When did I adopt this role?  (Can I pinpoint the moment when I started to adopt this role?)

4.  What was life like before I started acting this role?

5.  How did I acquire this role?

6.  What traumatic event(s), if any, created the need for this role?

7.  Why do/did I need this role?  What function did/does this role serve in my life?

8.  What deep psychological need did/does playing out this role satisfy?  How was/is this role protecting me?

9.  How artificial and contrived was/is this role?

10.  Which genuine aspect of me was/is this role suppressing?

Edited January 15, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[h inandout]

After I became everything and nothing and all of the voices of the world collided in me, I felt quite blissful, for a short while, and then I knew it wouldn't last.  For months after, I would journal, play and read books all in an attempt to piece a me together that was the most profoundly whole possible.  

During this time, I was blessed to be around the MOST INCREDIBLE climbing tree (or I "manifested it" if you wanna be all arrogantly mystical about it, which I totally was, lol)  I learned how to climb in various was and it really was magical, and I realized I never got to climb trees as a kid and how much that had hurt.  I looked at what else in my childhood I could reverse.  

It felt like I was in the movie Memento.  No concept of self, except for clues that I had left myself as tattoos (or in my case a journal, and yes, actual memories).  I played the game, what if I had an ego?  What would be the most meaningful thing she could do right now?

Edited January 15, 2018 by h inandout

[cetus]

2 hours ago, egoless said:

For those who are just starting! Be sure that you want the Truth! After you get there there is no return... hell and heaven is the same!

@egoless They are the same- same mind.

[egoless]

Good vibes  

Edited January 17, 2018 by egoless

[Girzo]

Compassion towards you, egoless. (if you need it)

I never understood the spiritual drama. I hope there's none or very little of it on my personal path. It always have seemed paradoxical to me that Nothing (which is another name for Truth) could hurt you. Because if nothing can hurt you, then everything can hurt you, so if that's true, is there being hurt at all? That's why the pain seems uneccessary for me, but hey! If it happens, then it happens and there's no point in resisting it.

[cirkussmile]

It is a misconception referring to nothing as litterly nothing. Because in the end it is always full of life. Always being and always becoming. 

You will soon get back to normal (whatever that means ?) 

[egoless]

2 hours ago, Girzo said:

Compassion towards you, egoless. (if you need it)

I never understood the spiritual drama. I hope there's none or very little of it on my personal path. It always have seemed paradoxical to me that Nothing (which is another name for Truth) could hurt you. Because if nothing can hurt you, then everything can hurt you, so if that's true, is there being hurt at all? That's why the pain seems uneccessary for me, but hey! If it happens, then it happens and there's no point in resisting it.

No you misunderstood the point here. Nothing is No-thing which means that your separate self needs to vanish. You also misunderstood the drama part. There is no drama there is only the reality unfolding itself. Reality guides me and shows the signs. Because there is no point of return anymore for me. Who is hurt? Ego is hurt which creates the illusion of the separation... you are so attached to that feeling of separation and identity that it feels to you that you are literally dying. However ultimately you understand that that is an ilussion also - but it still is very very painful, emotional and hard...

With all that said I also want to clearify that nor ego, nor maya - illusion is bad or evil as some people call them. Both are the inseparable part of existence. Some people are just predestined to be awaken. That’s my point of view on that  I literally sense how reality guides me and does not give me the option to go back... and that’s ultimately and deeply was always what I wanted - the Truth about existence. Hold on boy the movie has the unbelievable ending! - reality whispers to me...

Edited January 15, 2018 by egoless

[pluto]

Welcome to the other side, its only the beginning I also know that truth/light will sprout and expand within everyone eventually regardless. Some many be able to escape but life will continuously push and push circumstances until one finally faces it whether its this life or 1000 lifetimes from now.

Light only expands and all it takes is 1 spark to cast out all darkness/illusion indefinitely. Your gonna have to face it one day.

Edited January 15, 2018 by pluto

[Joseph Maynor]

How is this going?  Are you still experiencing your shift?

[egoless]

@Joseph Maynor I broke the game