Which one of us is crazy?

[smd]

Alright, so I was out at the bar last night, having a few beers & an old friend of mine
reached out & wanted to have a beer with me.  I hadn't seen him in about
a year & I thought I'd never see him again actually.  This guy is a handsome, middle-aged
man that had been married & divorced for about 16 years & I met him in the bar a few
years ago when he was unsuccessfully chasing women around town.

I found out that for the past year he had been flying over to China to romance a hot,
younger Chinese woman & he showed me a few photos.  He told me that he planned to marry her
& bring her to the States this year.  Then move to the West Coast to Washington/Oregon area 
as she said she wanted to be closer to nature.

So at this point, with all of my self-development & research I've done on the topic, I 
spoke up & told him about Chinese green card hunters & how these trophy wives would leave
after two years when they were permanent residents & women from China were notorious 
for a pump & dump of their American husbands.  If it had been a Filipino woman, I wouldn't
have thought this at all.

I further tried to explain that these women would not have any notion of Western values
& would, of course, not be lying when they say they would never leave the marriage (if 
residing in China).  However, once they get to America, they talk to other women in the
States. Suddenly, they'll find out how much power they have over a man, the finances, &
everything else.

I had asked if he was getting a prenuptial agreement, but he wasn't.  However, when we were talking
about retirement funds earlier, he told me hadn't planned accordingly when he was younger,
so he didn't have anything but his salary coming in & not much saved for those final days.
So it doesn't sound like he has much to risk.

In my head, the life formula being followed here would be:
->  Go to China.
->  Pick your mail-order bride.  (It may not have been from a catalog, but if I can fly
over there & point my finger at the hottest gal for marriage & it requires so little effort
of me, what else can it be called but a mail-order bride???) 
->  Bring her back to the States, make her American.
->  Constantly requests money be sent back to her family overseas.
->  May have children.
->  2-3 years later, she files for divorce & takes half.  East/West Coasts, get alimony.

Assuming it goes this route, it makes this path entirely farcical & an utter fantasy life 
style leading you right back to ground zero in a few years.  All of that effort completely 
wasted.

Much to my surprise, my buddy turned the tables on me with this conversation.

He started telling me that he knew this girl & she wouldn't do this.  He also said he didn't
care if she cheated, wanted kids, or wanted a divorce.  After it ended, he would just go find
another woman.  He was telling me that if I think the marriage will fail, then the mind will
make it become true.

But I've never been married & just about every married man I know is telling me they wished
they had lived as a bachelor exactly as myself.  And others have confided in me that they
have sexless, unhappy, marriages that just limp along.  Nobody is happy with it after a few
years & the interesting sex has dried up.

Then after telling me how he didn't care, he then tried to point out that I was lonely & that
I should get a woman & get married!!  Basically, do the same thing as him.

So, I told him about my personality profile (INFP).  The very definition of INFP is that I'll
always have few friends & can go into & out of a hermit state, literally at will.  As an introvert,
I prefer being by myself all the time & I actually have to FORCE myself to go out to a bar &
mingle with other people.  And it's only once, sometimes twice a week.  How the hell could I
be lonely or desperate?

In my eyes, I'd say that flying to a foreign country where the decks are stacked in your favor
to select a trophy wife means that YOU are lonely!

I could do exactly what he did too. Anyone in America can.  Just engage in a dialog on the Internet, 
fly over & pick her up. And start breeding..lol.  To me, it's the loneliest fucking act.  Completely 
desperate.

He also mentioned that since he was old, he just wanted to have someone around.  To me, this 
translates into: I don't want to die alone.  Whereas in our self-developed universe, we all know
that we die alone anyway, whether somebody is there or not.

At any rate, he was starting to get pissed, so I backed off on the topic & just told him that
he looks like he really knows this woman & that he has it all figured out since he's not worried
about her leaving in a few years, or taking his money or whatever. (I'm a Mediator, remember? lol)

I didn't get a chance to explain that humor & the things that a foreign girl would find funny
wouldn't come across between cultures & there would be so little in common to make the relationship
last for very long.  Especially when the sex gets old.

Nor did I get a chance to mention that moving to Washington/Oregon might be a strategic move on her
part to force him to pay alimony in addition to taking half his finances.  That would be the reason 
of moving to the West Coast after all, it being her idea to do that.  Not his.

So the bar closed & I went home & I started to think to myself: Am I crazy?  Have I got this entire
situation backward?   Should men be flying to other countries to bag a trophy wife & openly
let themselves be exploited, in order for the relationship to be free?   So it's ok for a divorce
lawyer to ass-rape my bank accounts & let the wife do whatever she wants?   Don't protect yourself 
from the Western-based exploitive legal system that hates men?

Or is he just a big fucking idiot who only has it half-right?   I've seen this guy do nothing but
fail to get hot girls for the past 3 years, despite being handsome, right here in the USA & now going
to bring a foreign girl over & thinking that being exploited is an acceptable risk.

My own theory is that if you can't find someone in your hometown or at least within an hour's distance
to where you live, then you're doing something wrong.  There are Chinese women right here in town
you can try to date or ask out.  The difference being you can't just walk up to a group of them & point 
at one of them to have relations with you.  Am I missing something?

[SFRL]

I think you are 99.9% accurate in your analyses. 

 

[YaNanNallari]

46 minutes ago, smd said:

He also mentioned that since he was old, he just wanted to have someone around.  To me, this 
translates into: I don't want to die alone.  Whereas in our self-developed universe, we all know
that we die alone anyway, whether somebody is there or not.

Sure, but normies often have their most pleasant feelings of connection coming from their relationships.

Should people go and get a wife? That stuff is really just irrelevant. It's for people who do not seek to raise their consciousness. There isn't much point in arguing about these things or about what's the right thing for him to do in life. He is not interested in actual improvement and truth. He's interested in those comfy things. You can start seeing how people aren't really interested in a way of living that would be in any way optimal if it doesn't fit their ready made values.

Edited January 13, 2018 by YaNanNallari

[SFRL]

1 hour ago, smd said:

Alright, so I was out at the bar last night, having a few beers & an old friend of mine
reached out & wanted to have a beer with me.  I hadn't seen him in about
a year & I thought I'd never see him again actually.  This guy is a handsome, middle-aged
man that had been married & divorced for about 16 years & I met him in the bar a few
years ago when he was unsuccessfully chasing women around town.

I found out that for the past year he had been flying over to China to romance a hot,
younger Chinese woman & he showed me a few photos.  He told me that he planned to marry her
& bring her to the States this year.  Then move to the West Coast to Washington/Oregon area 
as she said she wanted to be closer to nature.

So at this point, with all of my self-development & research I've done on the topic, I 
spoke up & told him about Chinese green card hunters & how these trophy wives would leave
after two years when they were permanent residents & women from China were notorious 
for a pump & dump of their American husbands.  If it had been a Filipino woman, I wouldn't
have thought this at all.

I further tried to explain that these women would not have any notion of Western values
& would, of course, not be lying when they say they would never leave the marriage (if 
residing in China).  However, once they get to America, they talk to other women in the
States. Suddenly, they'll find out how much power they have over a man, the finances, &
everything else.

I had asked if he was getting a prenuptial agreement, but he wasn't.  However, when we were talking
about retirement funds earlier, he told me hadn't planned accordingly when he was younger,
so he didn't have anything but his salary coming in & not much saved for those final days.
So it doesn't sound like he has much to risk.

In my head, the life formula being followed here would be:
->  Go to China.
->  Pick your mail-order bride.  (It may not have been from a catalog, but if I can fly
over there & point my finger at the hottest gal for marriage & it requires so little effort
of me, what else can it be called but a mail-order bride???) 
->  Bring her back to the States, make her American.
->  Constantly requests money be sent back to her family overseas.
->  May have children.
->  2-3 years later, she files for divorce & takes half.  East/West Coasts, get alimony.

Assuming it goes this route, it makes this path entirely farcical & an utter fantasy life 
style leading you right back to ground zero in a few years.  All of that effort completely 
wasted.

Much to my surprise, my buddy turned the tables on me with this conversation.

He started telling me that he knew this girl & she wouldn't do this.  He also said he didn't
care if she cheated, wanted kids, or wanted a divorce.  After it ended, he would just go find
another woman.  He was telling me that if I think the marriage will fail, then the mind will
make it become true.

But I've never been married & just about every married man I know is telling me they wished
they had lived as a bachelor exactly as myself.  And others have confided in me that they
have sexless, unhappy, marriages that just limp along.  Nobody is happy with it after a few
years & the interesting sex has dried up.

Then after telling me how he didn't care, he then tried to point out that I was lonely & that
I should get a woman & get married!!  Basically, do the same thing as him.

So, I told him about my personality profile (INFP).  The very definition of INFP is that I'll
always have few friends & can go into & out of a hermit state, literally at will.  As an introvert,
I prefer being by myself all the time & I actually have to FORCE myself to go out to a bar &
mingle with other people.  And it's only once, sometimes twice a week.  How the hell could I
be lonely or desperate?

In my eyes, I'd say that flying to a foreign country where the decks are stacked in your favor
to select a trophy wife means that YOU are lonely!

I could do exactly what he did too. Anyone in America can.  Just engage in a dialog on the Internet, 
fly over & pick her up. And start breeding..lol.  To me, it's the loneliest fucking act.  Completely 
desperate.

He also mentioned that since he was old, he just wanted to have someone around.  To me, this 
translates into: I don't want to die alone.  Whereas in our self-developed universe, we all know
that we die alone anyway, whether somebody is there or not.

At any rate, he was starting to get pissed, so I backed off on the topic & just told him that
he looks like he really knows this woman & that he has it all figured out since he's not worried
about her leaving in a few years, or taking his money or whatever. (I'm a Mediator, remember? lol)

I didn't get a chance to explain that humor & the things that a foreign girl would find funny
wouldn't come across between cultures & there would be so little in common to make the relationship
last for very long.  Especially when the sex gets old.

Nor did I get a chance to mention that moving to Washington/Oregon might be a strategic move on her
part to force him to pay alimony in addition to taking half his finances.  That would be the reason 
of moving to the West Coast after all, it being her idea to do that.  Not his.

So the bar closed & I went home & I started to think to myself: Am I crazy?  Have I got this entire
situation backward?   Should men be flying to other countries to bag a trophy wife & openly
let themselves be exploited, in order for the relationship to be free?   So it's ok for a divorce
lawyer to ass-rape my bank accounts & let the wife do whatever she wants?   Don't protect yourself 
from the Western-based exploitive legal system that hates men?

Or is he just a big fucking idiot who only has it half-right?   I've seen this guy do nothing but
fail to get hot girls for the past 3 years, despite being handsome, right here in the USA & now going
to bring a foreign girl over & thinking that being exploited is an acceptable risk.

My own theory is that if you can't find someone in your hometown or at least within an hour's distance
to where you live, then you're doing something wrong.  There are Chinese women right here in town
you can try to date or ask out.  The difference being you can't just walk up to a group of them & point 
at one of them to have relations with you.  Am I missing something?

Reminds me of this video. 

[aurum]

@smd

Sounds like dude really wants to get laid. Teach him some game, it will save him a couple years of his life and his bank account.

[Jamie Universe]

@smd "Crazy" is a subjective, conceptual label. Its important to know this. Because right now it sounds like your in a sort of "what's the meaning of life?" sort of half-ass philosophy, bull shitting everywhere.

Its important to know what you mean by "crazy" because otherwise your just going to say philosophical sounding stuff, and wonder. In reality, what @YaNanNallari said is pretty much true. 

What you really mean by crazy (at least that I picked up on) is that he's strategically bad. And you think that he's crazy because strategically his first idea seems like a bad idea, but then you wonder, if this is actually a more 'right' and strategically better way?

If you want the truth to your question, its that his idea, and your idea are both strategically bad. Or both "crazy" what you need to realize and change about your mindset is that relationships don't provide everlasting happiness, relationships are 'material' Which aren't 'bad', but don't provide the happiness you want

Instead adopt an self-actualized mindset, realize how relationships are fucking people over in life. People believe in them to much. 

[Nahm]

@smd Go one step previous to what you think about his ongoings. Contemplate that it’s your judgement that bugs you, not what some guy is doing. You mentioned “we all die alone”. That’s a false premise, in a way, and at the base of your misunderstanding in perceiving what dude is doing. That premise requires holding beliefs that you are not currently alone and that you are currently ‘alive’ in the sense that you will die. It’s the duality trap of alive / dead, existence, nonexistence. Dude is less identified with the body / mind, so he is liberated, at least in this sense,  and doing what he would probably refer to as ‘just living’. Hear the underlying “why” he isn’t sweating the potential outcomes - it’s because he trusts in the much bigger picture (imo).

I find a clear correlation between loa and quality of marriage. Not as a rule, but as a generality. Someone who would say “loa is total bullshit”, is likely to be oblivious to the role of their own attitude and contributions in their marriage (towards parents too). Someone who atleast entertains the actuality of loa, takes ownership for their “vibration”, their attitude, their choices. They take this view to the biggest picture, taking their own personal accountability to a higher level, and their actions and words reflect this. They don’t blame their husband / wife for their own suffering, and they are highly unlikely to have issues like alchoholism and drug addiction. Those substances are typically used to mask their own role in their own misery. Thus it is perpetuated and seemingly growing in terms of difficulty of penetrating. 

[smd]

@Jamie Universe Correct, it's not crazy in a clinical sense.  More like a new mind-fuck to consider.  I'm just trying to figure out how someone would see the above as an acceptable life choice & argue for it, rather than against it.

@aurum Well, he was married for 15 years, he's had a few gfs, & has spent a great deal of time & money sleeping with hookers around town which he had showed me how to get through a phone app (out of curiosity for me, I'm not interested in hookers & wasting money).

I think he really just wants a trophy wife.  Someone that looks great that he can parade around & that is not a basket case.  Although I would think that someone who looks stunning would often-times come with a lot of psychological baggage, but I've never met this woman, only saw the photos & bragging rights.  I guess due to his age, attitude, or some other factor, has limited his options in the area in finding one, so now he's looking to another country to get one.

@YaNanNallari You're right.  I shouldn't have brought it up.  I think I told him about the green card hunters because I probably wanted to find out how he was justifying the action of marrying one of them.  

Just a few years ago, there was another guy at the bar who had done the same thing.  He married & brought over a Thai woman & paraded her around the bar a few times.  Then at some point, he picked up a coke addiction, lost his mind, & disappeared.  Nobody even knows if he's homeless or dead.  We're all sure the Thai woman is out of his life.  In fact, if I visit a few of the Thai restaurants in the city I live in, it is packed full of expat Thai women who married foreigners & then divorced them after they got their citizenship.  They simply divorce & re-marry & the ones I've met are very attracted to people with money from oil & gas.  Many have a series of failed marriages or because they're single Moms, they never get anyone to stick around for long.  The oil & gas guys used to go into that restaurant to parade their mail-order brides to everyone.  More money than sense I guess. lol.  There was even one lady that had a different guy with her nearly every time I went to the bar & she's not a hooker.  Since I first met her, I figure she's gone through 50 guys by now.  They all leave.

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone.  I really appreciate it!

Edited January 14, 2018 by smd
add extra

[smd]

27 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@smd Go one step previous to what you think about his ongoings. Contemplate that it’s your judgement that bugs you, not what some guy is doing. You mentioned “we all die alone”. That’s a false premise, in a way, and at the base of your misunderstanding in perceiving what dude is doing. That premise requires holding beliefs that you are not currently alone and that you are currently ‘alive’ in the sense that you will die. It’s the duality trap of alive / dead, existence, nonexistence. Dude is less identified with the body / mind, so he is liberated, at least in this sense,  and doing what he would probably refer to as ‘just living’. Hear the underlying “why” he isn’t sweating the potential outcomes - it’s because he trusts in the much bigger picture (imo).

I find a clear correlation between loa and quality of marriage. Not as a rule, but as a generality. Someone who would say “loa is total bullshit”, is likely to be oblivious to the role of their own attitude and contributions in their marriage (towards parents too). Someone who atleast entertains the actuality of loa, takes ownership for their “vibration”, their attitude, their choices. They take this view to the biggest picture, taking their own personal accountability to a higher level, and their actions and words reflect this. They don’t blame their husband / wife for their own suffering, and they are highly unlikely to have issues like alchoholism and drug addiction. Those substances are typically used to mask their own role in their own misery. Thus it is perpetuated and seemingly growing in terms of difficulty of penetrating. 

 

 

 

The question I had for myself was, "Why are we not all doing this?"  If you can fly to another country & just pick the hottest woman from a  group, as an example, "I choose this one." & go about your relationship seems a lot easier than working on game or having to put any effort in doing the same with local women.  If every man in America accepted that they were fine with giving up half their cash for nothing, having their fierce, passionate emotions for the trophy wife symbol smashed & broken, paying child support, becoming a weekend Dad, & so on.  I would think this type of pain would be astronomical & even predictable, to the point that no sane man would choose it on purpose.

I'm pretty sure I've heard Leo say we've died alone.  Maybe I'm mistaken?  Nobody goes with you, even if a bunch of other people died around you.  I did mention some enlightenment concepts to the guy, about how we're all one thing, nothing but space between atoms & 98% water, but he said it was bullshit.  He doesn't think we come back as something else or that all of this is eternal.  It's difficult to discuss such things at a bar & I only know about it through the teachings without firsthand experience.

But thanks for your input.  I agree with you that I was pissed about my judgement being questioned & flawed. So true. lol.

Edited January 14, 2018 by smd
typos

[Nahm]

18 minutes ago, smd said:

 

The question I had for myself was, "Why are we not all doing this?"  If you can fly to another country & just pick the hottest woman from a  group, as an example, "I choose this one." & go about your relationship seems a lot easier than working on game or having to put any effort in doing the same with local women.  If every man in America accepted that they were fine with giving up half their cash for nothing, having their fierce, passionate emotions for the trophy wife symbol smashed & broken, paying child support, becoming a weekend Dad, & so on.  I would think this type of pain would be astronomical & even predictable, to the point that no sane man would choose it on purpose.

This has only to do with how you look it. Either scenario could bring wanted outcomes or unwanted. 

I'm pretty sure I've heard Leo say we've died alone.  Maybe I'm mistaken?  Nobody goes with you, even if a bunch of other people died around you.  I did mention some enlightenment concepts to the guy, about how we're all one thing, nothing but space between atoms & 98% water, but he said it was bullshit.  He doesn't think we come back as something else or that all of this is eternal.  It's difficult to discuss such things at a bar & I only know about it through the teachings without firsthand experience.

Mixing a lot of things there. 

But thanks for your input.  I agree with you that I was pissed about my judgement being questioned & flawed. So true. lol.

Thanks for the convo! Things go like we look at them. The key is in the resolve. 

 

[Faceless]

Lol 

[Key Elements]

I think we need to turn inwards and also research on what being in a real relationship is about. I think many of us really lack this understanding. The problem with talking about others being in fake relationships is, we're out of touch with trying to find out what being in a real relationship is about.

If you want to marry someone outside the country, that's fine. Why not try to understand what's the real relationship of that?