Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Well, I am not sure anymore if getting help from any pickup or dating coach because it's like I worry that I will say something to piss them off when I didn't mean to. There is this female dating and pickup coach named Hayley Quinn. She didn't like it when I told her that she was being evasive with most of my questions or that I disagreed with her on something. It's so stupid because we've been taught by dating coaches to not be afraid of disagreeing with something, especially when we are the customer. She also thought that I made a misogynistic statement when I said "if she (the girl's friend) is not happy then fuck her. You're not supposed to give a shit about what she thinks." How the hell is that misogynistic when I trying to emphasize the idea that you shouldn't have to put up with the girl's friends' disapproval of you? She also told me not to mention death after I said to Oliver "I've been to several therapists and I still feel inadequate with women. Having said all of this, you're not alone, Oliver. We can and we will die trying." Boy, she talks about context. She really takes things out of context. Furthermore, she's supposed to be helping people with social issues. This is all so fucked up. What am I supposed to do? I've tried so hard on this for over 3 whole years and I am getting so hungry for good results, it's not even funny at all. People tell me not to worry about what others think or judge and yet I get banned from certain sites. Do not tell me that it's all fault because it won't acknowledge my thoughts and feelings on this matter. I've tried virtually EVERYTHING on improving my social skills and seduction skills and I keep getting more bad than good results. It's like I've been on this hellish journey to try and cure a terminal cancer I have, and so far there has been no cure or good treatment for it. I just tried taking a break from dating and pickup and socializing with others for several months and try to focus on my hobbies. Yet it didn't help me feel much any better. In fact, it made feel more powerless over the fact that I couldn't do anything to significantly improve my dating and social life. I've been trying meditation, but it still isn't working that much yet. I've been getting feedback on my approach, dating, and social reports and I am still stuck. I've been to therapists and psychiatrists for countless years of my stupid life and I am still stuck. God Damn it! I am so fucking tired of feeling the agony of failure over and over again without any significant progress. Edited January 10, 2018 by Hardkill Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 Do you know why most relationships are so unsatisfying? A: Because the only relationship that you could ever have is with yourself. It's all "you" anyway. Why is that? It doesn't matter if you're in a long term relationship, short term relationship, one night stand, etc. At the end of the day, you still have to commit to yourself. There is no avoiding it. If you want to have a relationship with someone, it won't be possible without a commitment to yourself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 Your problem isn't that your bad at having relationships, in-part of the reason your so unhappy is because you chase this fantasy that's designed to fool and hurt you, the problem is within you, not within what you don't have. Imagine you do get a relationship, lots of relationships degenerate into chaos, and you'll end up even more unhappy than you were before. Sure it could go well, and I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue this. What I'm trying to show you is that the problem lies with your need for a relationship. When you want something, and you don't get it. What happens? Are you happy? So how about when you want something bad, and its over a longer period of time? Also Meditation isn't really supposed to work for a long period of time, so don't worry about that. I would consider going to the other part of this forum in the enlightenment/meditation section and asking what your doing wrong if you feel self-doubt. People tell you not to care what other people think of you because most of the time their opinions are irrelevant to you. But in that case his/her opinions were relevant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 Well be glad you're here now. Meditating and all that stuff will fix all of these problems for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Edited January 10, 2018 by BjarkeT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 9 hours ago, Hardkill said: People tell me not to worry about what others think or judge and yet I get banned from certain sites. I suppose by not worrying about what others think or judge they don't mean "say/do whatever you feel like and then everyone will like you, because you're so authentic", but rather "say/do whatever you feel like and be detached from the outcome". If the outcome is you got banned from a pickup forum, so be it. As you tell the story, her banning you was stupid. It's funny how you make this into yet another proof that your whole life is a failure You just got banned from a pickup forum, that's all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2018 21 hours ago, Hardkill said: What am I supposed to do? I've tried so hard on this for over 3 whole years and I am getting so hungry for good results, it's not even funny at all. People tell me not to worry about what others think or judge and yet I get banned from certain sites. Do not tell me that it's all fault because it won't acknowledge my thoughts and feelings on this matter. I've tried virtually EVERYTHING on improving my social skills and seduction skills and I keep getting more bad than good results. It's like I've been on this hellish journey to try and cure a terminal cancer I have, and so far there has been no cure or good treatment for it. I know how frustrating it can be. Give me breakdown of what your week looks like. For instance: 1) How often are you going out 2) Do you have wings 3) Where do you live 4) Where do you go out (clubs, bars, day game) 5) What do you do for work + anything else you think relevant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11, 2018 @Hardkill Hey, you received excellent tips from the others in your thread so far. However, don't just look at them for 5 minutes and move on. That's not how it works. Research, do self-inquiry, self-reflect, and contemplate on them as much as possible. They are deep tips that will take time to understand. When you actually learn to apply them in your life, you will do it in your own, unique way. One person is not the same as another. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 On 1/10/2018 at 2:55 PM, aurum said: I know how frustrating it can be. Give me breakdown of what your week looks like. For instance: 1) How often are you going out 2) Do you have wings 3) Where do you live 4) Where do you go out (clubs, bars, day game) 5) What do you do for work + anything else you think relevant. 1) I just got into pickup after taking a break from for a few months. However, when I used to approach consistently, it would vary from week to week. Some weeks I would only go out for 1 day, sometimes 2-3 days a week, sometimes 4 days a week). Some weeks I would only approach about 10 girls for the week. Other weeks I would have approached about 20-30 girls a week or more. 2) I rarely have wingmen. Even then they never really helped me to get a number or fuck close. 3) I live in Pasadena, CA 4) I sometimes go to bars, clubs, coffee shops, gyms, university campuses, meetups. I usually don't approach during the day though I have done it several times before like out on the street or on campus. I've even approached girls out on the street during night time (I've gotten a few women from that kind of area to go out with me on a first date). 5) I work kinda part-time with my dad at home on construction. I mostly a student who is doing an online program for my master's in teaching. I am a blackbelt martial artist who has practiced Hapkido for almost 11 years. I've done powerlifting for almost 4 years. I've been training for a half-marathon for over 5 months. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 @Hardkilloh shitt I live near u we should go out sometime all the wings I have just want pussy they don't wanna meditate it'd be cool piimpin with someone who really cares about self improvement Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 @Hardkill You're not approaching nearly enough. If you want to get good at pickup -- for a hard case newbie like yourself -- you're looking a 5,000-10,000 approaches. Move to a BIG city and start approaching for real. Get some good wing men who will keep you company and keep you motivated. If you're talking about terminal cancer, then you should be prepared to work your butt off to cure it. The good news is, you can make massive progressive with massive action. The problem is, so far, your action-taking hasn't been massive enough. You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 Are you maximising other areas of your life too? Do you have an attractive lifestyle? Are you maximising your looks (gym, style)? Looks, money, status and game are all important, despite what the PUAs tell you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 10 hours ago, Leo Gura said: @Hardkill You're not approaching nearly enough. If you want to get good at pickup -- for a hard case newbie like yourself -- you're looking a 5,000-10,000 approaches. Move to a BIG city and start approaching for real. Get some good wing men who will keep you company and keep you motivated. If you're talking about terminal cancer, then you should be prepared to work your butt off to cure it. The good news is, you can make massive progressive with massive action. The problem is, so far, your action-taking hasn't been massive enough. So then about how many approaches a week should I do if I really want to start seeing real progress? Like approach at least 40 girl that I am attracted to per week? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) 6 hours ago, Joel3102 said: Are you maximising other areas of your life too? Do you have an attractive lifestyle? Are you maximising your looks (gym, style)? Looks, money, status and game are all important, despite what the PUAs tell you. I've been totally maximizing my looks; albeit my clothing style could be improved on. However, as cocky as this may sound people have told since I was a teenager that I should be a model. Plus, as I just previously implied here on this thread and on a number of other threads on here, I am extremely physically active and an experienced blackbelt in Hapkido. I'll DM you my instagram account (I don't feel comfortable posting my instagram username here publicly). However, I don't have much money of my own. I live and am financially supported by my parents. I am grad student in teaching. Edited January 13, 2018 by Hardkill Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 It took me like 7 years of pickup to get really good results heh. What really helped was working at a place where i had to interact with alot of new people everyday. Another thing that helps is nailing your life purpose and making progress on it. That will make you very happy and it will make you passionate and interesting. Running into a girl in that state is killer, its like life picks up the girl for you. Finding your soulmate by tara springett is a really good book for relationships. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 3 hours ago, Hardkill said: So then about how many approaches a week should I do if I really want to start seeing real progress? Like approach at least 40 girl that I am attracted to per week? When I was serious about it, I was doing 20 approaches per night. The most I did was 700 approaches in one month. It took me 450 approaches to get my first girl. Of course it's not just about quantity. Quality of approach matters A LOT. But for newbies, sheer quantity is needed to build up the quality, cause a newbie doesn't know what quality means yet. The whoke key to pickup is you gotta find a place where you can quickly make 20 approaches per night/day. And you can only do that in very specific areas, like a big nightclub, or downtown area, or giant shopping mall, or busy beach. Best places are: NYC LA Venice Beach Santa Monica Miami Austin Vegas London Etc. You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 @Hardkill Do you realize that ppl have boundaries, both men and women? What do I mean by boundaries? It's what ppl value the most. They don't want that value to be broken. Otherwise, they will probably get offended. For example, some gals don't like guys who cold approach them. They think it's weird and too forward. "Why should I get with a complete stranger?" Something like this. Even in a big city, ppl are diverse and have different values. They will not tell you their values because you might not agree with them and get offended. A debate might start. To prevent getting criticized, they don't say anything. They have the right to their own boundaries. I think you have to ask yourself, "What are my boundaries?" If you don't have any boundaries, is that really healthy? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13, 2018 Ok this is going to sound crazy but... I met this sikh kundalini yogi once who told me he and his wife knew right away they were getting married when they met. Before speaking a word. I also met this really spiritual guy who dreamed and saw his future wife before meeting her. So another option is get really hardcore into spirituality lol I know not very practical advice heh Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14, 2018 @Leo Gura Did you do any Daygame? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
