Can't find anything positive about myself

[Ryan_047]

Before going into details I have low self-esteem and I don't really like myself.

It is hard for me to improve myself and start taking action.Not because I am lazy but because I live not to be happy,but to avoid pain.It seems impossible for me to be happy.I bought The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,read it and start doing exercises...but I'm not excited at all.I don't really think of myself capable of raising my self esteem.The only thing I do is meditate daily,but not necessarily to raise my awareness,but to prevent myself to become more miserable.

Self love might be the answer to my problem.One of the ways of implementing self love is by appreciating yourself and generally have positive thoughts about yourself.So I sat down and started thinking about positive traits about myself..a few things popped up,but hear me out.

One of the things was that I love and care about my family.I rationalized this idea by saying that the only reason I love them is because my survival depended on them and they still take care of me..So I concluded that I'm a selfish motherfucker because my "love" for them exists only because they do things for myself....me me me.

Another one is that I'm calm.But the reason I'm calm is because I've rejected and disowned my emotions since I was a child.

Another one is that I'm polite to people.But I'm polite because I crave for approval and fear to death rejection and humiliation.

 

[Ruby White]

Well I'm not sure how this will be of comfort but there are a few things I learn through meditation. First, there is only you. Each of us are the ultimate center and gods of our universe. Believing otherwise is to kid yourself. There is only loving you. So don't beat yourself up about being "selfish"

Not suffering is a good start. Meditation is a great tool for non suffering so hey, stick to it. Remove the "Self" then only "love" remains. Appreciating your Self is basically appreciating a pure made up delusion.

Also I don't believe in positive of negative thought. There is only thoughts. So weather your thoughts make you suffer or not...is in your own power my friend.

Edited January 8, 2018 by Ruby White

[Faceless]

Don’t escape, see the negativity and compulsion to think positively. Finding somthing positive about yourself is an escape to self sooth.

And on the other end why do you believe this image of yourself to be negative?

The ticket is to have no image of oneself. No positive image and no negative image. Images are created ideas of oneself and not facts. No image means no comparison between this an that, no measure, no judging, no competition, no movement of thought in field of psychological time. Which means no me and my desire to change what is to what should be which means no conflict whatsoever. 

Just watch not trying to change anything. See the fact “I am this” and don’t escape into the idea “I want to be that.” This is movement in time “becoming” and will only cause further suffering. In this watching without the compulsion to judge oneself or a desire to change comes clarity into ones actual state of being. This clarity brings order.

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by Faceless

[Matteo]

Hi @Ryan_047. I had low self esteem for almost 22 years, and now I'm 23. It turned out that the negative thoughts I had about myself weren't mine thoughts at all. Many people criticized me along childhood, including my parents, friends and teachers. I learned all that criticism and started to repeat to myself what they were saying to me. Then I forgot that they were the source of those thoughts, and started owning those thoughts as mine.

Negative self talk is like an instagram filter for the mind. It colors and distorts your reality in a fixed and predictable way. If you hold a thought in your mind that says "I'm stupid", suddently everything you do seems stupid, but only to your eyes. If you hold the opposite thought, suddently you will look like a genius to yourself!

People around you believe that thoughts are true and that they describe accurately reality, but you don't have to believe that.

When I started researching self actualization, I was skeptical about these ideas. I believed that the negative self talk in my mind was telling the truth. After watching thousands of youtube videos about regular self help, spirituality, enlightenment, self actualization, I've been able to change my mind.

 

If a problem is like a lock, Videos and books were the right key for my lock, but everyone's lock is different. you might need a different key. You can try different things and observe what is the most effective for you. Here's some examples:

• Hanging out with positive people that have an attitude of appreciation towards life, rather than criticizing continuously
• When a negative thought comes to mind, ask yourself: "is that thought absolutely true? or is it just a perspective on the situation? What would the opposite perspective be?"
• This one really worked for me. I sent to a few close friends this message: "Hey, I'm doing a self development exercise, can you help me? I struggle to see positive things about myself. Can you tell me at least 5 positive qualities that you think I have?". I was astonished by what they wrote, because I was completely blind to what they saw in me.
   
• Keep a daily journal with your thoughts. For me, it works like this:

1. I write a negative thought on my journal
2. some time afterwards, maybe a month, I go re-read what I wrote one month before
3. I notice that even if the thought felt true at the time, it doesn't feel true at all right now
4. I think: "if thoughts from one month ago don't feel true at all, are the thoughts I'm having now true?"
5. I ponder this possibility: maybe the mind is not a good place to find the truth. Maybe thoughts are not a good source when it comes to truth.

 

I think you will succeed. You are in the right place. Keep going!

[star ark]

9 hours ago, Ryan_047 said:

Before going into details I have low self-esteem and I don't really like myself.

It is hard for me to improve myself and start taking action.Not because I am lazy but because I live not to be happy,but to avoid pain.It seems impossible for me to be happy.I bought The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,read it and start doing exercises...but I'm not excited at all.I don't really think of myself capable of raising my self esteem.The only thing I do is meditate daily,but not necessarily to raise my awareness,but to prevent myself to become more miserable.

Self love might be the answer to my problem.One of the ways of implementing self love is by appreciating yourself and generally have positive thoughts about yourself.So I sat down and started thinking about positive traits about myself..a few things popped up,but hear me out.

One of the things was that I love and care about my family.I rationalized this idea by saying that the only reason I love them is because my survival depended on them and they still take care of me..So I concluded that I'm a selfish motherfucker because my "love" for them exists only because they do things for myself....me me me.

Another one is that I'm calm.But the reason I'm calm is because I've rejected and disowned my emotions since I was a child.

Another one is that I'm polite to people.But I'm polite because I crave for approval and fear to death rejection and humiliation.

 

[star ark]

All those bold sections is your ego, your sense of self has grown and compounded on itself and created a nasty internal voice. 

You can change this!!!

You will change this

It is only learned negative behavior and it must slowly be unwound. 

Every day you must feel a little better, make it about any little thing. Diet and exercise is flawless, they can only help. Start there, you may think you are healthy and exercising but push even further and you will force improvement on yourself. The other stuff will improve slowly too, you just need to train yourself and change that destructive negative thought pattern

[pluto]

Hope this helps

 

[Ryan_047]

@star ark I don't really understand what you were trying to point to.Could you please elaborate?

Edit:Sorry,I haven't read your last reply.So,you are telling to do stuff that will improve my life every day no matter the inner dialogue?

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by Ryan_047

[Tony Tellez]

@pluto awesome video bro thanks!

[Saumaya]

@Ryan_047 You cant have low or high self esteem because self has no value inherently , only perceived value. Saying "I don't really like myself" means nothing, its just a thought...who is not liking who?. If you think that you're somehow worthless, thats also false because value doesn't exist no matter what you say. Also having a terrible past or mistakes you have done in the past means nothing. It was always now and will always stay now and you can always gradually change now. It doesn't matter what anybody says, you're here means you're a sensible human being  

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Ryan_047

...As they say in my country..."stop looking at your bellybutton!".....

You should interact with people, IRL. If you don´t, you become a wierdo and if it festers...you will become an internet Troll !

 

The good thing is that you are aware of your problem. Normally "action" is a component to add.

[Jamie Universe]

On ‎1‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 6:05 AM, Ryan_047 said:

One of the things was that I love and care about my family.I rationalized this idea by saying that the only reason I love them is because my survival depended on them and they still take care of me..So I concluded that I'm a selfish motherfucker because my "love" for them exists only because they do things for myself....me me me.

Yes you only love them because they take care of you, but the love you feel for them is something else entirely. You've mixed love and selfishness together, when in reality you DO love your family, even if its because of a selfish reason (just because something originates from a selfish origin, does not mean the actuality of itself is bad, love is beautiful and majestic). And also selfishness is not necessarily bad, its selfish to be alive, does that mean you should be critical because you haven't killed yourself yet?

[taleen]

I had law self esteem for a long time too.

Byt then i realized it was because my family was disapproving most of my actions.

One time they were pressuring me to talkback to someone who insulted me in a cruel way.

I could have done that if there were any kind of benefits coming back from that, i did not need the guy ib my life, he was toxic, i only had to cut him off.

At that second i realized why they were disapproving of everything am doing.

Am simply different, i needed to accept that and force my real personality to be unhidden.

So i think you should go back to the main reason that created your suffering.

Pardon my weak english, am not a native english speaker.

[sarapr]

Here's something that will definitely work guaranteed . I was a bit shy in the past ,didn't speak up because I thought no one would listen and ... but finally what changed all that was surrounding myself with people who had a high self-esteem because peers can have a lot of impact on your attitude and behavior and those people weren't even the type of people I would like but we accidentally found ourselves in the same classroom and since none of us knew the other students we kind of had to sit together and then I observed their aggressiveness in getting the things they wanted and wanting to speak up even if they had nothing to say and making everyone laugh at them but they were okay with that and didn't care and I as I saw that, something was shifting within me as well .I was gradually becoming more confident and thinking that others are equal to me if not worse; that kind of attitude .

The really important thing is when you have low self esteem the people you attract are going to be like you as well so it makes it kind of impossible for you to know any better but if you somehow manage to get around people with high self esteem, all of that problem will melt away for you. just try it 

You gotta surround yourself with the right type of people that can change you into whatever you want like nothing else . If you want to be a millionaire , a successful person, ambitious , anything you want the power of friends can't be overlooked.

Edited February 20, 2018 by sarapr

[pluto]

Remove self and B positive