Unable to do Personal development work due to Serious Jealousy.

[DEV]

I am jealous of other people's growth (actually the ones who are close to me).I don't harm them in any way, I'm just burning inside while I'm being jealous.I really don't like this behaviour of mine and want to overcome it. this behaviour is really holding me back.I'm feeling stuck because of myself.

When I watch any of the personal development videos, I have a fear run over me that these people will grow if they see these videos.I get completely consumed in this fear and then I cannot watch the videos with my full attention.

Can you see how this is holding me back? I have to overcome it else I won't be able to self-Actualize.

Please don't think of me as An evil person.I'm not happy with it, I really want to change it.

[Nathan]

It's something we all go through. We're conditioned from birth to chase "success" in whatever format. Society compells us to rise above the rest and achieve a position of supremacy. We feel really bitter if we don't meet the expectations we set for ourselves or embarrassed of we don't meet the expectation others set for us. 

You're not evil for being jealous, it's totally normal so don't beat yourself up over it. If you want to feel jealous less often, try to desire less and appreciate what you already have. Easier said than done be patient though.