One Of My Serious Problems

[Empty]

I  always find it hard to express myself in a clear way. Therefore, people wether they be my familly, friends, classmates...ect would ask me to repeat myself. In my head, I understand very well more than other people could imagine. However, when it comes to speaking out, I don't do very well. 

My questions, is there any books or techniques you know guys so I can check? 

Thanks in advance

[bazera]

Same problem here, would be glad if somebody suggested us something

[Miicat]

I'm EXTREMELY familiar with this problem. 

What helped me understand this phenomena and how to go about slowly "fixing" and improving it was to find out about my personality type and its inferior function in relation to its dominant function.

Some people are just naturally much more inclined to think things well through in their head rather than outwardly, just like some people are much more inclined to express things outwardly, but have a hard time doing independent thinking/feeling/etc.

It's however possible  (and recommended) to practice and work on finding ways to include the inferior function in every day life so that you may start becoming more aware of that part of you and thus be better able to consciously make use of it when needed.

http://personalityjunkie.com/functions-ni-ti-fi-si-ne-te-fe-se/

[Draconis Chaser]

I'm not too sure about the exact titles, but there are bunch of books out there on retorics and also on better writing, so you might want to check those out. I recently bought a book on public speaking. There are a lot of 'how to's in there, such as how to get over your nerves, and only a few things on the constuction of your speech, but if you've nothing, it's a good statring place. 

In the meantime,  would suggest practicing in front of a mirror. Retell the lecture like a public speech, describe your favourite book, introduce youself, act out a scene from your favourite movie, stuff like that. It is easier to assess yourself when you can actually see what you are doing.
Also, if mirror is not you thing, maybe you could record your voice on the phone and then objectively criticize the content.

In my experience, this, combined with the mirror, is a gold mine.
In one of my classes, and not particularly difficult subject, there was a professor who would fail you if you weren't laser precise when talking, no metaphores, no explanations, no examples- bare definitions and precise concepts only! It was a nightmare! I would bust my ass studying all the time, retelling the lectures over and over again, making sure I got every little detail in the book drilled into my memory, only for him to lsten to literally first 5 words that came out of my mouth (and I wish I was exaggerating), and if those were not perfect, he would diss you as if you didn't know a thing. Can you imagine that!
He tought I was majorly scientificly illiterate and had zero talent for the subject for the bigger part of the year. I tried the mirror first, then stepped it up with recording and finally saw some progress. He now thinks I might not be so hopeless after all.

If you are creative, you might want to start writing short stories, journaling, even fanfiction. When you re-read what you wrote, you get the sense of "this part here is totally skipable. I'll replace it with this one sentence instead". Do that for a while, and you'll start editing your own toughts.
Of course, reading good books is like a steroid to this practice.

Then there is another possibility that you are simply better at manipulating images than words, you think in pictures so to say. If that is the case, and you don't really care about detailed explanations, you might want to draw little diagrams or sketches for people, but that is another topic completely.

Hopefully this helps a bit.

Take care!   

 

      

[TheFrown]

Expanding your vocabulary is absolutely essential to improving your communication skills. Are you an introverted thinker? If so, try talking out loud to yourself. Observing a thought pattern in your mind is not nearly as effective as describing it in detail. Once you start doing that, try to objectively critique your words very judiciously. In what other ways can your statement be interpreted? This will give you additional insight and improve your critical thinking.

Edited February 27, 2016 by TheFrown
Grammer

[asgard94]

but hey, at least you expressed yourself here! I can't do even that properly.

[Empty]

Just now, Miicat said:

I'm EXTREMELY familiar with this problem. 

What helped me understand this phenomena and how to go about slowly "fixing" and improving it was to find out about my personality type and its inferior function in relation to its dominant function.

Some people are just naturally much more inclined to think things well through in their head rather than outwardly, just like some people are much more inclined to express things outwardly, but have a hard time doing independent thinking/feeling/etc.

It's however possible  (and recommended) to practice and work on finding ways to include the inferior function in every day life so that you may start becoming more aware of that part of you and thus be better able to consciously make use of it when needed.

http://personalityjunkie.com/functions-ni-ti-fi-si-ne-te-fe-se/

Thanks. I am going to check my personality type.

[Empty]

Just now, TheFrown said:

Expanding your vocabulary is absolutely essential to improving your communication skills. Are you an introverted thinker? If so, try talking out loud to yourself. Observing a thought pattern in your mind is not nearly as effective as describing it in detail. Once you start doing that, try to objectively critique your words very judiciously. In what other ways can your statement be interpreted? This will give you additional insight and improve your critical thinking.

Thanks, this wud be a great help. I did record myself and stopped which I don't think I should have. it is also not knowing what to say sometimes!!

[Empty]

Just now, asgard94 said:

but hey, at least you expressed yourself here! I can't do even that properly.

it is hard for for me to write in English properly because I am not a native speaker

[Empty]

Just now, Draconis Chaser said:

I'm not too sure about the exact titles, but there are bunch of books out there on retorics and also on better writing, so you might want to check those out. I recently bought a book on public speaking. There are a lot of 'how to's in there, such as how to get over your nerves, and only a few things on the constuction of your speech, but if you've nothing, it's a good statring place. 

In the meantime,  would suggest practicing in front of a mirror. Retell the lecture like a public speech, describe your favourite book, introduce youself, act out a scene from your favourite movie, stuff like that. It is easier to assess yourself when you can actually see what you are doing.
Also, if mirror is not you thing, maybe you could record your voice on the phone and then objectively criticize the content.

In my experience, this, combined with the mirror, is a gold mine.
In one of my classes, and not particularly difficult subject, there was a professor who would fail you if you weren't laser precise when talking, no metaphores, no explanations, no examples- bare definitions and precise concepts only! It was a nightmare! I would bust my ass studying all the time, retelling the lectures over and over again, making sure I got every little detail in the book drilled into my memory, only for him to lsten to literally first 5 words that came out of my mouth (and I wish I was exaggerating), and if those were not perfect, he would diss you as if you didn't know a thing. Can you imagine that!
He tought I was majorly scientificly illiterate and had zero talent for the subject for the bigger part of the year. I tried the mirror first, then stepped it up with recording and finally saw some progress. He now thinks I might not be so hopeless after all.

If you are creative, you might want to start writing short stories, journaling, even fanfiction. When you re-read what you wrote, you get the sense of "this part here is totally skipable. I'll replace it with this one sentence instead". Do that for a while, and you'll start editing your own toughts.
Of course, reading good books is like a steroid to this practice.

Then there is another possibility that you are simply better at manipulating images than words, you think in pictures so to say. If that is the case, and you don't really care about detailed explanations, you might want to draw little diagrams or sketches for people, but that is another topic completely.

Hopefully this helps a bit.

Take care!   

 

      

Thanks man.  

Same things happen to me when I am with people, during class..ect and when I keep silent, people usually interpret it as I am not arrogant or jelous, weird person. LOL

[Miicat]

I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts about the personality types topic when you find yours

[Empty]

@Miicat Sure, I will tell you. You know? the more I search on the forum, and the more I realize how much I am missing!!

[Miicat]

@An actualizer

I know what you mean! Isn't that cool though? Being someone so passionate about these topics, sure it can be overwhelming for the ego, but the fact that there's always so much more to discover is very satisfying to my curiosity and drive to actualize and build a dream life !

Especially because sometimes you can get stuck in certain areas and then, one day, out of nowhere, a new thing pops up and points you to the next important, required direction! 

Edited February 27, 2016 by Miicat

[Empty]

1 hour ago, Miicat said:

I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts about the personality types topic when you find yours

The link you have posted has a described me in a CRYSTAL WAY lol. Although I already know I am introvert, the part on the way of thinking and feeling..ect is very interesting. 

Thanks a lot 

[Miicat]

@An actualizer

So, you found yours? Which type are you, then? 

[Empty]

Just now, Miicat said:

@An actualizer

So, you found yours? Which type are you, then? 

Mine is an introvert with almost all the eight functions in the article. 

[Miicat]

Ah, you misunderstand. We all have 4 functions and depending on which of the 8 they are, and the order of them, you can find out your own personality type (example - INTP, ESFJ).

Thttp://personalityjunkie.com/functional-stack-type-dynamics-theory/