1st Solo LSD Trip Report feat. Insights

[gleb]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends. This one goes out to the noobs and mental masturbators out there. 

First, I would like to thank @nexusoflife for letting me use his reagents testing kit before dropping the night of December 29th. You're the man!

I dropped at night because I was at my parent's house and I wanted to do this thing before I got back to school and before extrapolating factors began piling up. I also didn't want to tell my strict Russian Mom until the morning when it was over or else that could have negatively impacted the emotional status of the trip itself. I have a cold as I write this so as a general word of warning - your immune system will almost definitely be compromised if you stay up the entire night. Trip during the day if you can. Let's dig in shall we?

PRE-TRIP

The entire day before the trip was spent talking about actualization, enlightenment and personal development with @nexusoflife. Several hours worth of conversation and a visit to a local Hindu Temple that featured a main chamber full of hand-carved marble pillars and a vaulted dome ceiling that looked like a DMT launchpad helped put my mind into a pristine set. Once I returned home, I cleaned my bedroom as best as humanly possible and put on comfortable clothing. I dropped at 10 pm and meditated roughly 45 minutes into the come up. I was incredibly nervous since this was my first time tripping alone ( and first trip in a year for that matter) but the feelings subsided once the calming serotonergic effects began. 

THE TRIP 

After I was done mediating I sat down and began writing down some insights and a general outline of my subjective experience during the trip. I wrote down a list of topics that I wanted to explore in my own life but abandoned them soon after greeting the mental chaos and instead let the trip guide the insights. 

- The first thing that dawned on me was how little credit I give myself for the things that I have accomplished in my life. If you are on this forum and even have the smallest intention of changing your life for the better and prefer it over fester in egoic-conciousness, you are are doing better than 90% of people. The intention of taking responsibility for you life and building something from the love that's inside of you is so important. You are on the right track! I neglect self-love perpetually and it is akin to fertilizer for creativity, true condition-less love for others, and relieving the emotional tension I feel from "failure". If you recognize that you are in the same boat as me, sit down for just 15 minutes everyday and give yourself the love you deserve. If you feel resistance, just notice it and continue anyway. I started rubbing the back of my hand on my cheek like a cat after noticing this during the trip. It felt wonderful and I loved it.

- Even though your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs are simply projections upon the Truth, making sure they're positive is huge. It can change your entire life if you engineer the bulk of them to be positive. 

- My mind likes to sneak into every thing that I do and sabotage it with negative mental images and belief. I'm a control freak and a perfectionist. This builds alot of bodily tension. This is where I noticed how essential it is to meditate and practice letting these things slide off. If you are like me and like to theorize more than act, change this now. The proportion (for me anyway) should be 10% theory, 90% action. 

- Culture is a cess-pool. Be careful when treading through it. Don't hold the opinions of whatever culture above your own personal intuition. The harder you try to fit in the more disconnected you will feel from yourself. 

- Cut out people that negatively influence your growth immediately. 

- When you don't know what to do next and feel overwhelmed, actually do deep breathing. I did this many times throughout the trip and it helped get me through the rough patches. 

- There was a point where I started purging and opened my mouth a wide as a could and simply vibrated all over. Lots of tears were shed. I didn't have background knowledge to understand it and don't really need it. 

- Everything comes back to the infinite. If you are wasting away on YouTube and Porn you are running away from timelessness and emptiness. You have to learn to accept it. You have to learn to cope with It if you want to live a highly conscious life it seems. 

- There is a massive difference from personal experience and reading some theory second hand. Most of you have heard alot of these insights before from others but when I actually went in with my awareness and had the insight lock into my mind, it stuck. I ate shit food, watched porn and blew a load, binged YouTube and got caught up in thought traps on purpose to see with heightened awareness how they were negatively affecting me. 5 days afterward, the awareness of their negative effects strongly outweighs the weak pulse of craving. That change has been radical. I can see how this was at the top of AA's 12 step program. 

- Massive humility to the infinite. I run around acting like I own the place but I was simply floored by the magnitude of power from the small glimpse I had. 

- If you have no background in personal development, non-duality, or actualization and you plan to trip alone, prepare to have your ass handed to you. I do and it was still difficult.

POST TRIP 

I have a cold but now I suddenly remember to become present 100's of times a day, have stopped using my phone compulsively, feel lighter and less anxious, and simply flow. It feels great. Meditation is my #1 habit to build right now. I gotta practice living in the Now. My folks still don't and probably never will understand why I trip even after 2 hours of explanation, but that's okay. It's part of who I am. 

Love ya guys. Stop masturbating and get to work!