What to do with an alcoholic father?

[OnceMore]

My dad has become an alcoholic over the last few years, but this year in particular it has been bad.

The first thing I want to say is that it is obvious to me that the man is in pain. He's in pain because of whatever may have previously happened in his life, but also because he has had people close to him die this year, and so drinking alcohol is his way of getting over whatever pain he is feeling. 

He is refusing therapy or any help of that sort.

So how do I help him now? He'll do things like walk out the house, and we all know he'll be going out to get alcohol and he'll come back drunk. My family tries to stop him going, but I've given up. My thinking is that, even if we stop him going out now, he'll just do it tomorrow, or just two hours from now. He'll be drunk by 12pm sometimes. He'll be so drunk that my brother and I have to find him and carry him home sometimes. He'll be so drunk that he pisses himself. He'll be so drunk that he then starts to argue with us. It's futile at this point, I feel. But I still want to help him, but he's refusing professional help. 

In my mind I am already planning my escape from this nonsense. The whole entire house is drowned in negativity every time I walk through the doors, and its always a relief when I go outside for a little while. But perhaps this is just me escaping and not handling the situation. 

Thoughts? Has anybody else experienced similar?

Edited December 31, 2017 by OnceMore

[Spiral]

My whole family drinks quite a lot, lots of depression and stuff.  I don't spend much time with them anymore. Now I wouldn't call them alcoholics, because they need to have a relatively functional mind to do what they do for a living.

How to help? Not sure honestly, I would think something like close friendships but, that's hard to create them at an older age. Hobbies maybe? But especially my father picks up a new hobby rather often, spend lots of money on it and then gets bored.

Girls? Maybe your father is already in a relationship. My father spend my whole childhood looking for some to keep him company. My mother is with a guy who is already taken.

I would get out, it's sad and all but there doesn't seem like there is much you can do. That's what I did, my life is better for it.  

[solr]

@OnceMore This sounds really awful. I'm sending you a big hug. <3

- How old are you, and do you live at home? 

- How was your relationship with your dad before all of this? Were/are you close? 

- How is your relationship with the rest of the family? Have you talked about this?

[Evilwave Heddy]

Ditch him..move out already.  If he's not willing to accept any kind of help, then he's a lost cause.

[Will2gain]

Your fathers alcohol problem is his own problem to fix, you cant do it for him. I grew up with an alcoholic mother but i got away in time, my love for my mother faded away and  today, i look back on that time as a time off extreme sorrow and pain, so you are taking a hard decision, but take it and dont look back, damage is already done to you, stand tall and take ownership of your life and future

[student]

@OnceMore He's getting dragged into a deep trance.

What you can do is finding your inner independence, recognizing it. Recognizing that you have no actual connection to other's reactions, beliefs, habits, judgments. Recognize that you actually remain unmoved, independent. Centre yourself, observe what is actually happening. Be a witness of the negativity surrounding you. Just a witness, in reality not taking part in it.

[Barbarian Number 8]

alcoholics are often very selfcentered, cowards and of weak childish mind. Family is just used by them to get to the bottle.

You pretty much lost that one.

 

It is not your place to help.

 

When you can leave......Arrange your life in a way that exclude the drunk and whatever you do...keep...your...own...money.....

Your money is your survival.

Nocontact rule works here. Not knowing and asking anything via thirdparty also is a must. If that not is possible, dump them to.

 

As time passes, you might feel the biological urge to reconnect. Don´t.

Take pictures of your drunk, at several occations, put them in a scrapbook or map.

When you get that feeling of forgivness/"it wasn´t so bad", look at the pictures of the drunk and reconsider.

 

Always know that you yourself carry the same weakness. Be mindfull.

Good luck. You will need it.

[Adam M]

I dont know man...sounds like hell.

Make sure that you have someone that you can talk to about this problem that you are having in person. 

You need someone that cares about that you can trust and open up to.

 

As far as helping your Dad...the mind is a tricky animal and I don't think he can get better unless he wants to help himself

Don't resent him. This is a great opportunity to exercise forgiveness and unconditional love...

Unconditional love is tough to practice but it can do wonders

[pluto]

When he starts drinking again, slip 125mg pure MDMA crystal in his first drink, stick around he might start to connect and not drink as much or hide them if he does, this will force him out of his comfort zone and that's where you lay down the powerful words! when his guard/ego is down.

They don't realize how bad and dangerous is alcohol in the long run that you need something else to help you see again.

Shrooms would be probably be most effective but for the alcohol abuse could lead to a premature trip.

- Consciousness Police

 

Edited January 27, 2018 by pluto